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Thread: Tragic loss page

  1. #1
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    Over the weekend, a man who coached our son's football with my husband, lost both his little boys after his ex-wife was driving them home from an event on Saturday night. She was apparently drinking and is facing vehicular homicide.


    I suggested to all of the football moms that we rally and support him by bringing full dinners to him for a week or more.


    Any suggestions on a true treat that I could plan for my night?


    I can only imagine this poor man's anguish. Like he lost everything that mattered in the world :-(


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    BarbeyGirl's Avatar
    BarbeyGirl is offline Senior Member
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    What a terrible tragedy. I'm glad he has good friends to help with the details of life while he gets his feet back under him.


    Honestly, I think he'll be too distracted to care much about treats for a while.


    Maybe prepare something familiar, comforting, easy to reheat (or freeze for later), and healthful. How about chili or a beef stew?

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    Sharonll's Avatar
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    What a truly tragic event. To lose both his sons at once like that is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. And, basically, his wife may still be alive, but I imagine she feels lost to him as well.


    I'm with BarbeyGirl in that I doubt if he has any appetite at all. I had a horrible event similar to this happen to me, and there is a 3-month period completely missing from my memory, where I don't recall eating, sleeping, conversing, anything at all. It's hard to make a full dinner for only one person, so maybe some kind of casserole like Shepherd's Pie or enchiladas. I wouldn't worry about carbs, just make it healthy and tasty.


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    Geoff's Avatar
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    Tragic loss from what sounds like truly stupid, selfish conduct on the part of the ex. That's a very compassionate idea you've had Sassa. Your team's compassion should help balance out some of the anger and hostility that the coach might experience from such a senseless waste of life.


    Sharonll's comment got me thinking, though, instead of preparing meals for just the coach, perhaps a couple of the team parents could prepare a larger meal (for, say 3 or 4 people) and eat with the coach. He might not want the company right now (something perfectly understandable), but dropping off a dinner might only underscore and intensify his feelings of loss and loneliness. Naturally you need to be sensitive to his desires at this difficult time of his life, but simple companionship might be even more nourishing for him than a meal right now.


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    Great ideas. I also wonder if he has a girlfriend or another significant other (I'm not as close to him as my husband is, so I don't know the details of his life).


    We are waiting until someone from the team can reach him and get some sort of idea as to when the funeral is and what exactly he needs.


    I also thought of comfort food (that's really what I meant by 'treat&#39.


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    NorthernMonkeyGirl's Avatar
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    Comfort food that can be reheated / frozen if he can't face eating at that time.... Offers to pop to shops for him or to help him with paperwork or....?

    Might the media/press pick up on the "story" and get intrusive - if so, some kind of protection / "safe space" / time out?

    The little things that don't seem important but can just ease things a little.


    Horrible, horrible situation.


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    Yes, I actually heard the 'news' story while I was driving into work this morning, but they are not releasing the boys' names, so that's good, but it's only a matter of time. It's not a very big area out here.


    He has a girlfriend, but she says he's not talking to ANYONE right now. We are still thinking of bringing meals, even if it is just to drop it off and leave him to his privacy.


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    DiabetesCanKissMyButt's Avatar
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    I think bringing him meals is a great idea. The last thing he will be thinking is to take care of himself by making food so if he has something he can readily dip into, it will help. My mom did that for me before when I was really sick (obviously not a terrible situation like this guy but..) she came to visit for 2 weeks and all she did was make a bunch of casseroles for us. I think we had about 10 casseroles in the freezer when she left. It was such a huge help.


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    I agree DCKMB. My friends did that for me after I had my last boy. When my husband left me home alone while he went to work, I always had something to eat during the day and at night so that I could focus on healing and spending time with my new little one.


  10. #10
    spacecowboy614's Avatar
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    I lost my dad suddenly when I was a little younger, and all my friends from the football team would make dinners for my family. It meant a lot. Just showing that you care means a lot.


    I echo NorthernMonkey's sentiment, and make it something which can be frozen easily. Or make a little every few days. He may not want to eat with anyone else, or talk to you for that matter, but do keep going to him.


    My only real advice is not to expect him to reach out to you or his other friends. Don't just let him know that he can call at any time, because he probably won't. Stick your head in and say hi every once and a while and just let him see that you're there for him...


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