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Thread: Grandparents and Paleo. It is long sorry just need to vent. page

  1. #1
    Sele's Avatar
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    Grandparents and Paleo. It is long sorry just need to vent.

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    My husband is in the military so we have been living on our own for a while now. About 2 months ago we began eating Paleo. My son was very much against it; he was use to eating lunchables, sandwiches, cereals etc. After about a month he finally gave up asking about pb&j's and cookies. Now however we are living at my parents house for 3 weeks. I admit it is great to be home but now I have the issues of food.

    My mother is completely against it. She thinks its fine for me to do this "diet" but why put a 4 year old on it. She like every other American believes in whole grains and that children need those carbohydrates. I tried explaining he eats way more carbs than me or my husband. Except now he gets them from fruits, squash, tomatoes and sometimes white rice. For the first time ever he actually asked for beef. How is that bad?! She also believes I am depriving him because I don't allow sandwiches or pasta anymore.

    The first day back she filled him up with juice/candy/cookies/corn bread and he subsequently vomited. This morning she fed him Trix!!! Now that I understand blood sugar and insulin it made my skin crawl knowing he ate that!!! You may ask well why didn't you feed your kid? Well its tough here he wakes up at the crack of dawn and sneaks upstairs because he knows my mother will give him those treats. It has only been two days and I can't take it. My plan now is to set my alarm for 6am and make breakfast before she has a chance to feed him junk. Unfortunately she gives him snacks behind my back and arguing with her gets me nowhere.

    Does anyone else have any grandparent issues? Being here I feel like the bad guy and I am doing something wrong. Even though I know in my heart this way of life is the absolute best for us. I just wish everyone felt this way so there wouldn't be so much pressure to conform back to conventional wisdom.

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    Siren's Avatar
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    Never, EVER feel bad about doing the right thing for your child. He is YOUR son, not hers, and YOU are raising him the way you see fit. Your mother is sabotaging your efforts to be a good parent, and whether her personal feelings agree with what you're doing or not, she is undermining your role as a mother. I'm not saying that resorting to an all-out fight is the solution, but if she continues to ruin your son's health with that crap, you need to give her a really stern talking to. Ask her to imagine how she'd have felt if her mother did something similar to you as a child. Force her to change her perspective. If she still refuses, I hate to say it but you may need to find a cheap motel. NO ONE should tell you how to raise your child, even the person who raised you. Period.

  3. #3
    Yvonne PHX's Avatar
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    I have pretty much the exact same type of mother! The Dad (we are divorced) is the same as well. My mom watches my kids when I work. Their Dad has them three days a week. I control what my kids eat about a third of the time. For a while it was devastating for me, and I fought a lot with my mother. I lost sleep. I think I cried. The thing is -- I couldn't win. I can't win. Short of running away with my kids to another state, there is no way for me to control their diets.

    So, I had to decide which was more important -- their food (physical health) or their relationships with their grandparents and father (psychological/ emotional health). I had to let it go. For the sake of all of us, I had to let it go.

    I pack my kids healthy lunches, and I bring healthy snacks I know they like to Grandma's house. I talk to them a lot about which foods are good for them and which aren't. They often request the healthy stuff. This is the best I can do for them at this point.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Siren View Post
    Never, EVER feel bad about doing the right thing for your child. He is YOUR son, not hers, and YOU are raising him the way you see fit. Your mother is sabotaging your efforts to be a good parent, and whether her personal feelings agree with what you're doing or not, she is undermining your role as a mother. I'm not saying that resorting to an all-out fight is the solution, but if she continues to ruin your son's health with that crap, you need to give her a really stern talking to. Ask her to imagine how she'd have felt if her mother did something similar to you as a child. Force her to change her perspective. If she still refuses, I hate to say it but you may need to find a cheap motel. NO ONE should tell you how to raise your child, even the person who raised you. Period.
    I couldn't agree more with this!!! Though I do not have a child, I am currently living with my grandmother since I moved to a new city and am looking for a new job. Let me tell you, she literally looks at me in DISGUST when I tell her politely that I am laying off of her baking and bread. She will not even consider the fact that I am gluten-intolerant, and there is no way I would even begin to discuss the fact that I am doing keto to control bipolar disorder (AND I'm a recovering bulimic...). Last weekend I woke up and she had baked me a carrot cake. No lie. I couldn't believe it or the guilt trip that followed.
    Sucks yes, but unfortunately, possibly like yourself, you are in a living situation that cannot be avoided. But NO one can control what you put in your body or how you want to feed your child.
    You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
    Margaret Thatcher

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    Clabbergirl is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siren View Post
    Force her to change her perspective.
    Can't be done. You can't force anyone, least of all a doting grandmother and your own mother, to do anything. You're in a tough spot, but you cannot control what another adult does.

    Can you control what your child eats? Yes, if you're the only one feeding him and he's never out of your sight. If your mother insists on feeding your child the way she wants to, you have only one option - control the opportunities your mother has to feed your child. If you are staying there right now, that means 24 hrs, 7 days a week for a few weeks. Good luck with it. I know these are frustrating battles.

  6. #6
    Yvonne PHX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clabbergirl View Post
    You can't force anyone, least of all a doting grandmother and your own mother, to do anything.
    Ain't this the truth. I am their mom (she respects this and the kids to have to ask me before they can have "treats"--if I am there), but she is MY mom. Tough spot.

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    Yes. My parents, bless them, want to spoil my kiddo (their only grandchild so far) rotten. Which means cake, cookies, ice cream, candy, etc whenever she wants it. They live far away so I can understand when we see them why they go over the top but it plays hell with kiddo's tummy. At 3 months old I had to argue with Dad against giving her ice cream! *sigh*

    The only thing that has helped us is kiddo has developed an allergy to soy-she gets horrendous hives. They don't cause her pain or discomfort, but they make her look like a leper. Now they give her healthy stuff (but its still ice cream, cake, etc) since most items that don't have soy are usually healthier (for example, the only ice cream I've found without soy is just cream, sugar, and fruit). She still gets a lot of sugar but I've "discussed" enough that they try to save treats for after meals and give her more fruit. Small, tiny win.

    Your not going to change her, but maybe you can help direct her? Instead of Trix maybe see if she'd make pancakes or something that could be a compromise. Pumpkin pancakes with almond flour and real maple syrup should be just as sweet as Trix and they should have fun flipping them. Almond cookies with dark chocolate drizzle, that primal carrot cake someone just posted in the Recipes forum, limeades/lemonades...if she's willing to do the cooking part there are lots of ways to replace the sweet with something as sweet. That way kiddo doesn't feel deprived and Grandma can still feel like she's spoiling him. Also, he's at an age where he might get a kick out of helping to cook, so making his own treats would be exciting and a special way for them to bond.

    The hard part might be weaning him off the bright colored packaging or familiar brands.
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  8. #8
    Yvonne PHX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylee99 View Post
    You're not going to change her, but maybe you can help direct her? Instead of Trix maybe see if she'd make pancakes or something that could be a compromise. Pumpkin pancakes with almond flour and real maple syrup should be just as sweet as Trix and they should have fun flipping them. Almond cookies with dark chocolate drizzle, that primal carrot cake someone just posted in the Recipes forum, limeades/lemonades...if she's willing to do the cooking part there are lots of ways to replace the sweet with something as sweet. That way kiddo doesn't feel deprived and Grandma can still feel like she's spoiling him. Also, he's at an age where he might get a kick out of helping to cook, so making his own treats would be exciting and a special way for them to bond.
    This is a really great idea, and with the right kind of Grandma it would totally work. My stepmom would easily be on board. My own hard-headed, know-it-all, totally stubborn mother? Not so much.

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    Siren's Avatar
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    Sorry if my response sounded a little forceful, but (and this is just me) if someone was adamantly refusing to back my efforts as a mom by exposing my kids to things I am absolutely opposed to, I would scoop my child up and be out the door in a second flat. Think of it from the child's perspective too: "Grammy gives me treats, which means Grammy loves me. Mommy won't let me have treats, which means Mommy doesn't love me." Dramatic? Yes, maybe, but this is how kids think. They don't have the same reasoning capacity that adults do. Whatever her intentions, grandma is disrupting what otherwise seems to be a great relationship between mother and child. I'm a mom too, and if anyone tried to come between me and my children, no matter who it was, that is just not acceptable to me. There is just no compromise when it comes to my children. I'm sorry if this sounds extreme, but this is how I feel.

    Sele, do what you feel is best for you and your son. Advice and ideas are very helpful and can guide you, but always go with your gut. Please let us know how things turn out for you, as I'm sure there are many others here experiencing the same situation.

  10. #10
    Yvonne PHX's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siren View Post
    Sorry if my response sounded a little forceful, but (and this is just me) if someone was adamantly refusing to back my efforts as a mom by exposing my kids to things I am absolutely opposed to, I would scoop my child up and be out the door in a second flat. Think of it from the child's perspective too: "Grammy gives me treats, which means Grammy loves me. Mommy won't let me have treats, which means Mommy doesn't love me." Dramatic? Yes, maybe, but this is how kids think. They don't have the same reasoning capacity that adults do. Whatever her intentions, grandma is disrupting what otherwise seems to be a great relationship between mother and child. I'm a mom too, and if anyone tried to come between me and my children, no matter who it was, that is just not acceptable to me. There is just no compromise when it comes to my children. I'm sorry if this sounds extreme, but this is how I feel.

    Sele, do what you feel is best for you and your son. Advice and ideas are very helpful and can guide you, but always go with your gut. Please let us know how things turn out for you, as I'm sure there are many others here experiencing the same situation.
    I process it a lot differently. My kids don't think Grandma loves them more, they just think she is cooler. Honestly, she IS cooler. It's her job to be cool. It's my job to be something else. I also don't think of it as my mom trying to sabotage me or come between my kids and I. She loves us all very dearly. I am certain. She just has a different idea about what constitutes healthy and what kids' bodies can endure.

    Ultimately, my kids are very healthy, confident, strong children. A lot of this has to do with the fact that they have many different types of adults in their lives who love them. My kids are indeed being raised by a village. It gives me a lot less control, which was hard to surrender, but they are happy kids. And, my mom and I get to maintain a loving relationship. In the end, I had to choose between being right and being happy. It doesn't mean I love my kids less because I am not willing to "fight for them" on this one. It doesn't mean you love your kids less because you are.

    Like Siren said, we all have to do what is best. There are a lot of ways to approach this situation and you have to simply pick your priorities.

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