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Thread: Releasing my inner siren - ErinF page 6

  1. #51
    ErinF's Avatar
    ErinF is offline Senior Member
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    I've been stuck at 135 for a while now and my body fat won't budge from 25%. I don't have an accurate way to check my body fat %, so I'm going by measurements. I strayed from PB and was eating quite a bit of grains for a few months with no exercise at all. Now I'm back to strict Primal and exercising 5 days a week. I'm following the Zcut DVDs and I love it!

    I went to the doctor and had him run a bunch of tests to check my vitamin levels, check for anemia, and also check my thyroid levels once again. Hopefully something will show up and give me some kind of idea as to where this horrid fatigue is coming from. Most days I don't even want to get out of bed and I'm so irritable all the time. I hate feeling this way. My doctor tried to convince me that this is just how some people feel and that it might be normal for me, but I remember feeling better than this during different points of my life. Anyway, as soon as I get my results back I'm going to start the eat more fat challenge in one of the threads here.

    I started the EMF challenge and lost 3 lbs, but after about 10 days or so I had to stop eating that way because my fatigue and lack of carbs was making me so grumpy. I actually think it sent me back into the carb flu and I didn't realize it. This time I'm prepared and will do much better knowing I'll be through the carb flu within 7-10 days. It's really hard for me to eat super low carb because I feel restricted and when I feel restricted I tend to binge on sweets. I went ahead and got rid of ALL the sugar in my house so that won't be a problem again. I just hope I can keep up with my exercise routine with HFLC.

  2. #52
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    Everyone has a different comfort level with carbs. Some people can go VLC, others need a higher level to feel right. It may take a bit to figure out what works for you.

    As far as your hair thinning/falling out. I've primarily had it happen for two different reasons.
    Periods of high stress. You definitely have had that going on.
    Hormonal changes. My hair has always been so thick that I could be out in the rain all day and it would never reach my scalp. Approaching menopause with all of its hormonal crap my hair thinned out to where you could actually see my scalp.

    Hopefully you can find your balance soon.
    Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

  3. #53
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    I love the title of your journal...let that siren sing! I too have had the Docters say that I am just going to feel this way the rest of my life. But I have had periods of time where I felt so good, like I can take on the world and I refuse to settle for less. You shouldn't either! Keep fighting to find what works for you. I know you can do this!
    You know all those things you have always wanted to do? You should go do them.

    Nah.. I was always aware "they" were out to get me.. even before I became Primal..... Now I can just run faster if they find me-Dino Hunter

    Age 46
    height 5'3
    SW 215 lbs
    CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
    LW 172 lbs
    GW 125ish lbs

  4. #54
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    Woo hoo! I did a pull-up from standing position. I almost did a little dance afterward. And what's even better is I not only did 1 pull up, I was able to do 1 full pull up at the beginning of each set I did today. I started NerdFitness 3 weeks ago and wasn't able to even do 1/2 a pull up, but 3 weeks of pull up negatives has helped tremendously.

    /party

  5. #55
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    It's been a while since my last visit, and a while since I've actually wanted to put any effort into my health. I lost all my extra weight and got down to a healthy range and its like I just gave up because maintaining was easier than improving. So far I've concluded that I know how to get fat and I know how to lose weight and maintain, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to gain muscle and tone up my body. It's like nothing I do changes my body composition at all. I've tried a few things unsuccessfully and probably gave up too soon for my body to really show any changes. The problem lies in several areas. I don't know how to eat to gain muscle/cut fat (which I know can't be done simultaneously) and I don't know how to move right to gain muscle. For a long time I was all about HIIT, but then I decided it didn't seem healthy to push my body to that extreme EVERY day. I gave LHT a try (12 weeks) and didn't see any improvement, but that may be due to the fact that I wasn't eating enough protein or eating too much fat.

    My weight is still high for my height, I'm 5'3 and 128 lbs. My measurements are 36-29-36 and I'd really like to get that waist down a few inches. Looking at me naked from the front I look ok, but that has a lot to do with the tummy tuck I had to get rid of all my loose skin. Looking at me from the back is more like o.O My ass is still pretty deflated and my thighs are just gross. I don't have a lot of muscle tone, which is fine, but I just feel like I look like an average skinny person. And now I have a reason to get into shape, I was accepted as a gamer/model for an awesome company and I need to look awesome if I want to get any jobs. Sigh. Everyone says search the interwebs or ask Google, and I've done that and what I've found is a ton of info that contradicts each other and I never get anywhere. Damn it. Someone just tell me what to do, with details, and I'll do it. I can stick to a plan, I just can't come up with one on my own.

    That aside, I wonder if I can even tone up with all the stress I'm dealing with lately. We are just now settling after 8 moves in 2 years. My husband has gone from a steady and pretty high income to working for commission. I'm on the verge of ending my marriage and have to deal with the possibility of being a single mom of two babies. He's begging me to stay while I'm feeling suffocated. I'm having a hard time deciding if I should stay and just deal with being unhappy so that my kids have both parents, or leave and feel like I've been selfish for choosing my happiness over theirs. I have no one to talk to about all of that and I'm horrible at processing emotional stuff like this. UGH! Life sucks for me right now. Despite everything going on I'm trying to push through it with a positive attitude, and I think toning up and proving to myself that I can achieve a goal like this will help me feel a lot better. I feel like everything is in total chaos, it would be nice to feel like I have some control over something.

    I think I'll have a glass of red wine.

    <3

  6. #56
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    Hey Erin *hugs* I got nothing on the ways of advise for food & exercise! I still suck at sticking with any physical activity .

    As for the relationship stuff... have you thought about doing couples therapy? At the very least, it might make you more comfortable with whatever you decide.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Hey Erin *hugs* I got nothing on the ways of advise for food & exercise! I still suck at sticking with any physical activity .

    As for the relationship stuff... have you thought about doing couples therapy? At the very least, it might make you more comfortable with whatever you decide.
    I am going to look into it. I need to do something because nothing seems to be helping me and I'm feeling a bit hopeless at this point.

  8. #58
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    Well it's done, we are getting a divorce. It sucks and hurts like hell, but it needed to happen. I was having a hard time with his controlling nature, especially when I'm such a free spirited person. There's more to it, obviously, but we just weren't a match. We aren't fighting and still spend a ton of time together because of our little ones. I'm happy we can be friends, but sometimes I wish we weren't, that way it would end and we'd both move on. This way seems to drag out all the emotional stuff. Yuck. Life really sucks right now.

    I need to focus on a new goal, and with all of the media attention I'm getting locally I figured now would be a good time to finally get the body I've been wanting. I know I can do it, I've just been finding excuse after excuse not to. I'm pretty sure I get how to do it also, I've been focused on eating tons of fat, low carb and moderate protein for so long that it's hard to push myself beyond that to a diet structured around building strength and muscle. So far I'm not at a bad weight or body composition, but a lot of the costuming stuff I do requires a tighter body, and honestly if I'm going to dress up as Black Widow from the Avengers I need to get my ass into shape!

    Here is a pretty recent pic of me


    Here is where I want my body to be


    Now to find the time...

  9. #59
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    LOL I just realized the above pics make me look like a total nerd. Meh, I guess there's no hiding who I am.

    I don't really have anyone to talk to about my current issues with the husband. I'm going to see a therapist this week to see if there's any way to save my marriage. With two little kids, the last thing I want to do is give up and walk away. His leaving is nearly all my fault, I was afraid to go to him with the problems I was having and instead turned to a male friend. That friendship ended up in an emotional (non-physical) affair and just spun out of control. It was stupid and selfish and I've hurt a good man because of it. I've owned up to everything I've done and try to repair the damage to his trust and have been completely honest and open about every little detail. Part of me trying to repair all of that is finding the underlying cause that led me to find someone else to lean on. I don't have a lot of self control and I tend to put myself into stupid situations. I'm a tease and a flirt. These are all things I have to change in order to move forward and get back to having a healthy marriage.

    There is a big part of me that wants to just let go and move on. I have felt unhappy in my marriage since it began. We married as teenagers and didn't have any idea what we were doing. I spent the last 6 years of my marriage hoping my husband would cheat on me so I could leave. How sick is that? Why didn't I just leave? It's because I'm a coward and it was easier to suffer in silence in an unhappy marriage than face hurting him. Well now it's gone on too long and the hurt and pain I've caused will not only make him suffer, but my children also.

    My husband is controlling and very jealous. I'm a free spirit, I love people and socializing. My husband has this need to follow me everywhere I go, to have his hands in everything I do. Being a true Aquarius, this is very suffocating for me. I'm a very open and fluid, go with the flow, live in the moment, and make the rules up as we go along type of person. He is a very rigid, plan every detail, follow a schedule, and follow all the rules type. He does not allow me to have any male friendships at all, he doesn't even like me having male acquaintances. He says those types of relationships are dangerous to a marriage because of the possibility of that turning intimate. I cannot have hobbies that he isn't involved in. For example, I do a lot of charity work with a costume/cosplay club. We go to events dressed up as superheros and entertain the public, pose for pictures, socialize and just have fun and raise money for charity. It's my passion. I love it, it completely fulfills me. He isn't part of it and I've shut him out of it (which was a mistake), but because he isn't part of it, he has asked me to quit. His main argument is that the club is full of single men and women, it's not conducive of a healthy marriage to spend time with single people. "If you hang out with single people all the time, you'll eventually become single." I cannot spend too much time with my girlfriends either. My husband says married people need to have friends they can spend time with together. I feel like he wants to hold my hand through life to make sure I'm being a good girl and doing everything right. I feel like he's completely crazy and trying to cage me up like a pet, he thinks he is being rational and that all married people live by rules like that.

    So which is it? Am I crazy or is he right? I honestly don't know...he is so good at manipulating me into thinking the way he does that I get confused and lost in my own thoughts about it. He's really good at making his point seem valid, but I can't help feel a total loss of independence when I think about following his "rules" for marriage.
    Last edited by ErinF; 03-30-2014 at 10:44 PM.

  10. #60
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    I'm sorry you're struggling with that marital stuff. Would he be willing to do couples therapy with you? From my observations, there is usually something wrong and right on both sides of the conflict and it can be way too difficult to find the balance without an impartial third party.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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