What is the best way to give birth? page 2

[jenni]

June, if you have a pregnant friend maybe you could observe the birth? May sound odd, but my Sister-in-law was pregnant at the same time of my home birth and she asked to watch because she was scared of giving birth. I was worried it would scare her even more, but she really gained confidence after seeing my daughter born. My midwife was good at talking through it all and explaining things to my sil and it really helped her. Afterwards she kept saying, I can do this! After watching me she opted for a drug-free birth in the hospital and she was so proud of herself for doing it.

I think the thing that sealed it for her was my lack of pain immediately after and how alert the baby was. She raised her head and looked right up at me like 10 seconds after she was born. Babies born while the mother is drugged usually aren't so alert.

[Kaylee99]

Whatever way gets the baby born in the safest way possible with knowledgeable people assisting.

I had a hospital birth with medication. I really wanted a natural birth but it didn't happen, we almost had an emergency C-section because of problems. I had a great OB who listened to me and respected my wants and needs while being honest about our health (I had a very complicated pregnancy); without being scary. She has become a good friend outside of the doctor's office and I plan to have her care for me during any other pregnancies and births. (If we ever get the guts to have another.)

On the other hand, a friend of mine had a natural birth at home with midwives. She studied up and interviewed lots of midwives and went with this couple who looked great. Everything went completely wrong and they lost the baby. Two days of labor and she wanted to go the the hospital but the midwives kept telling her everything was ok, or it was her fault the baby wasn't being born, she wasn't trying hard enough. Lots of really ugly things like that. They only called 911 when the baby was born not breathing. In the aftermath it turned out they weren't certified, not even CPR. I know my friend, she is crazy about details so how these frauds got past her I don't know.
(And please don't read this as a cut to midwives. Midwives are awesome and well trained-this couple lied and said they were something they weren't and had a nice website full of lies.)

As for giving birth-I dunno, I did it in the stereotypical feet in the stirrups method. The entire time I wanted to get up and squat down but because of all the IVs and stuff I couldn't. Baby came pretty fast so not sure if that is a good method or not. I've heard water births are very relaxing and help relieve pain.

[Yvonne PHX]

Thank you. My fiance and I have been discussing this after I watched The Business of Being Born. He said he will watch it with me. He has never heard of anyone he knows have anything other than a hospital birth so I don't think he understands it. We have some Birthing Centers at local hospitals so I think that will be a great fit for us when the time comes, but I want to start planting the seeds that I don't want to do it like everyone else does. He has been involved in the room in 3-4 deliveries (friends and family) and I've never seen even one so he tends to think he is the expert on this compared to me. It is a good thing I'm the one having the baby then I guess I really don't think he would ever support a home birth, especially for our first, and I would likely be scared to do that also, but a birthing center seems right. I like thinking about this, it is fun, and I hope that all our pregnancies will be healthy and delivery will be as smooth as can be.

Thank you so much for the book recommendations!

Awesome! The single best thing you can do is have your husband on board with your choices. My ex and I took classes in the Bradley Method before the first. I can honestly say that the technique didn't really help me all that much during my VBAC, but what it did do was give me a partner who was vigilant and supportive and knowledgeable.

[dado]

from the womb hahahahahahaha

[kap]

Yvonne mentioned the Bradley Method. This actually worked wonders for us. My wife had a VBAC with our son - 9 lbs 14 oz! She is an admitted hypochondriac with very little pain tolerance under normal circumstances. But with the Bradley preparation and birth technique (we used a coach, even during the birth) she handled a drug-free birth with hardly a whimper (and though she is fairly robust-sized she does not have very broad hips). And as the husband/father I found the engagement level was amazing.

But if you go with any unconventional route, please make sure you get a "contract" with the physician. And even in that case, look out for those Napoleonic-complex OB nurses...scary! Midwives are usually pretty open.

Kevin

[SouthernDink]

Thank you. My fiance and I have been discussing this after I watched The Business of Being Born. He said he will watch it with me. He has never heard of anyone he knows have anything other than a hospital birth so I don't think he understands it.

The hubs and I watched the Business of Being Born, that was very eye opening. Does anyone think it is wierd that for thousands and thousands of years women have given birth at home and only in the past 70 years has it been the "norm" to go to a hospital? Not that things don't go wrong, they do- but they can go wrong anywhere.

[jenni]

The hubs and I watched the Business of Being Born, that was very eye opening. Does anyone think it is wierd that for thousands and thousands of years women have given birth at home and only in the past 70 years has it been the "norm" to go to a hospital? Not that things don't go wrong, they do- but they can go wrong anywhere.

Yes, it's amazing how you are treated as having an illness now, rather than just pregnant.

Someone mentioned the napoleonic complex nurses. Funny, with my second child I was trying to moan through the pain of each contraction and the nurse kept tapping my hand and telling me, "no noise Jennifer, no noise..." over and over. I remember looking up in desperation at my husband hoping he would shut her up. lol

[trapperjohnme]

I Will NEVER have a homebirth again. I have witnessed 2 of my children born in that manner. the first experience was great. The second experience I go tto witness my only son born black and with no heartbeat because he got stuck in the birth canal. I got to race the helicopter he was on to the nearest neonatal ICU unit after assiting the midwife in reviving his heartbeat and breathing. I then got to listen to him do nothing but scream the first day in NICU because the midwife had to try to break his collar bone to get him out. Not only was he born with no heartbeat he was born with a paralyed arm do to the brachial plexus injury he sustained in birthing. he has been in and out of physical, occupational, and speech therapy for the last four years since he was born. he has some issues that he will deal with untill the day he dies. and All of this could have been prevented if we had him in a hospital and had access to an emergency C -section.

[KatyNC]

And even in that case, look out for those Napoleonic-complex OB nurses...scary! Midwives are usually pretty open.

Kevin

Being an OB nurse I would like to make it known that we are not all Napoleonic and scary. I am a huge proponent of natural childbirth and love it when a couple comes in educated and prepared for the experience. As a nurse I fight with OBs most of the time for the patient and her wishes. I am not the one writing the high dose pitocin orders, but there are some cases where intervention as such is needed. Working in a large hospital with a generally very sick patient demographic, sometimes the best thing we can do is to deliver a baby quickly, for the infant/mother's sake. I have seen the beautiful, the bad, the near misses that were avoided thanks to quick medical intervention that you could not get at home, and the devastation. That is what makes me cautious.

As for myself, if I ever have children, I will do so in a hospital setting with a birth plan and a supportive OB. I believe its the best of both worlds for me. I have control, but know that if things start to get ugly I have to safety of medications, ORs, NICU teams and a health care team that I believe in. I also see how I have an advantage because I know the inside info on the docs and other providers. Also, unlike most, I am comfortable in a hospital setting because I am there all the time, so to me that would not be a stressor in my birth process.

As far as midwives go, not all of them are as holistic as you would think. Make sure you get to know who you are dealing with. Take the time to interview them and get to know their stance on the birthing process and how much/little they do for intervention. I would also make sure that they have a close working relationship with a good OB, that shares their values. That can be key if things go downhill.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I respect that. Aside from people who knock the OB nurses. Most of us work our assess off to make one the most important times in your life happy, memorable, and most importantly, safe and uneventful. Its a very high-risk job with lots of stress, long hours and continuous education on the current practices. That being said I love it and I wouldn't do anything else. Its all worth it when you see the look in a mother's eyes as she sees her baby and holds if for the first time. The wonder, love, relief and accomplishment you see on her face warms the soul. I still get misty-eyed sometimes. But I think that is one of the things that makes me pretty darn good at what I do.

Sorry for the rant, I hope somewhere in there was some good information.

[Kaylee99]

The new hospital in my town has a kinda nifty idea. About a block away is a midwife center and there are rooms set up for water births and regular births-they are very homey and apparently they allow people to bring in things from home (like candles) to make it more personal. If anything goes wrong the neonatal unit is a block away and they have a surgery room set up, just in case, for one of the OB docs to use if a birth goes wrong. Seems like a nice combo of midwife/home birth and hospital backup.

And not all OB nurses are nuts. I had some of the nicest ones, they even took pics of the delivery for us (hubby got a little excited/worried and set the camera down on the table and forgot it, one of the nurses saw and grabbed it just as kiddo was born and got in a bunch of pics-thank goodness. ) After working as a CNA I've seen all types, from the Napoleon ones to the sweet lil-ol grannies. It takes all kinds