the purple prose of petunia pettigrew page 5

[bloodorchid]

new goal: the splits

[bloodorchid]

being sickly and mostly in bed for a few days in a row made me a bit winded walking after the dogs outside

that's pitiful

so are the boys, they got in all kinds of nettles so i foresee an hour long bit of not mutual boredom brushing them out. they love being brushed.

but they had the bestest time so my grumbling is to myself

netflix has a plethora of strange exercise dvds so of course they're now in my queue

the boys are trying to eat the nettles out of each others' coats. yeah, good luck with that

my tastes in workouts lean toward bellydance and 'exotic' dance. not just because at my core i'm rather slutty, but i'm hoping they teach me to move like a woman. well, more like one any way. i'm fairly certain the extra testosterone went head to head with the estrogen and resulted in a stalemate which resulted in me having a slutty core and asexual exterior

god i do love those run on sentences

i look at a put together lady and i don't get it. what kind of hoodoo is she doing with all that girl stuff and eyeshadow.

i look at a man and i don't see a sexual object until i get to know and like him well

for some reason that just reminded me of the bad ex feeding me a strawberry then wiggling it on my teeth and, annoyed, say 'you're such a control freak'. strange.

anyways, had 2 days of crap food, more than ready for real food again and to continue my love affair with cream cheese

mmmmmmm <3

[AbigailLyn]

Are the boys pomeranians? I have one at home (5 more months til I can enjoy his company!) And they are yappy little f***ers but TOTALLY worth it.

also, ever tried zumba? It always makes me feel sexy, especially when I look around the room at all the other awkward ladies trying to make sexy faces in the mirror, and realize that all of us are failing in our attempts.

[bloodorchid]

the boys are indeed pomeranians, and they are indeed yappy little f-ers haha it works out for me though, because i like knowing when something/one is there to bark at, and they generally listen when i say hush

as for zumba.. those infomercials fill me with a longing of girlness. those women look so sexy! agh!

i'm just stuck in the mindset of 'i'm so uncoordinated, i can't do that, herp derpity derp'

[AbigailLyn]

haha the videos can be daunting because everyone in them is so damn coordinated and in good shape, but if you go to a class at a local gym it's mostly a bunch of middle aged women who are just there to have fun and not super coordinated.

[bloodorchid]

i think i'd have to join a gym and not quite ready to get there, can't explain it other than i have a stupid brain

[bloodorchid]

my babe sent me this, cause he loves meh

and really, garlic bread is like the perfect food



but we won't be eating garlic bread today, today will be sweet potatooes, green beans and rosemary i grew all by myself, and eggs scrambled with coconut milk

[bloodorchid]

i'm going to tell you something

DO NOT JOG with no sports bra if you have breasts. i let the moment take me and went for it, bystanders and laughers be damned (mostly) ... (i was nervous about bystanders)... and discovered that 1, jogging does not feel natural and 2, i do not like the way my body feels on the move like that

i lasted 10 minutes before the unnaturalness and weird body feel got to me. walk, jog, walk jog, walk walk, jog, walk. it felt pretty okay tho, it didn't wear me out or anything, it was energizing

having a muscly, working outty love of my life is excellent motivation to move, even though my back was sore

i sort of feel inadequate, otherwise, and make note often that i'm not moving enough

and then continue reading

there's like a band over the back of my shoulder blade that tingles sometimes, like now. it bugs the s--- out of me

[bloodorchid]

well, i was awake for almost 24 hours yesterday and slept about 20 today. i lay in bed, groggy, letting my mind roam, realizing i didn't have to pee, wondering how dehydrated i was and then gradually, like slow magic, i started getting angry. i won't go into why. it just grew to almost jaw gritting rage while i was heating up soup. and after i ate it turned to sadness, eyes tearing up, that whole stupid bit.

and then i took note of the date. and realized this will be my pms for the week. all happy and bouncy one day, an emo roller coaster the next. golly i can't wait for what the next few days bring.

i used to wonder if i brought pcos ( peekos, ha) on myself when i was younger. i was the default babysitter, and i was also trying really hard not to kill myself so having to take care of screamy small people was an added stress i didn't really have a choice in handling. i was 13, so stress management wasn't my forte then. i got older, i learned to shut the depressed part of me off into boxes, but i remained adamant, ADAMANT, that i did not want and would not have children. then my periods grew erratic. then disappeared. then my weight exploded. more pcos symptoms. i'm fairly certain i miscarried. i shut those emotions down hard at the time, but the feeling of being a failure remained. what kind of woman was i if i couldn't even do that?

decisions can change with age. choosing not to have kids, and having the option taken away from you are 2 different things.

so who knew symptoms would be reversible with the kicking out of bread? i was low fat, high carb because it was 'healthy'. my doctor at the time advised that i should just accept how things were (he's awesome, he just didn't have updated research). 'bread makes you FAT?!' from the video is spot on. and maybe, if my periods are regulating again and i'm getting pms more consistently, that means i'm ovulating. and if i'm ovulating again, maybe that means my uterus could hold onto a baby if i decided i wanted to get pregnant

or maybe i'm crazy and imagined the whole thing

i'm still tired, still cold-y, i may go back to bed soon and get more sleep. eating was a bad idea, the water was a good one tho.

[bloodorchid]

well, remembering Bad Things was not a good idea. to quote the immortal Donkey..... i need a hug