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Thread: the purple prose of petunia pettigrew page 12

  1. #111
    bloodorchid's Avatar
    bloodorchid is offline Senior Member
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    my guys are so smart they're dumb, they don't have the mental capacity to learn anything harder than the equivalent of 2+2 and i need my face for IDing, you know, just in case a detective thinks i faked my death and left my boys to live as a burlesque star in quatemala. guatamala? ..ireland

    i decided to browse a pcos board, went to the diet and weight loss surgery section, saw a lot of posts about which diet wasn't working and 'wsl works!'. i have a confession to make. i lost the initial 18 on primal but flew down 22 lbs with the help of doc prescribed phen pills. i ran out, anxiety got in the way and i didn't go back to get more until i mentioned it in my visit friday. during that time my diet has been half good half bad and 15 lbs creeped back up. i was tired a lot, i was off and on depressed a lot, i didn't care what i ate a lot. considering my condition i imagine it could have been much worse but 15 lbs is a giantly huge number in a span of 40 and i didn't like it. like i'd ballooned into a huge beast of a womanly whale

    which is odd considering i don't see myself as a whale. but that 15 lbs looked like inevitable bedriddenness at 1200 lbs with a long silken beard. did i tell you that's what happens when i eat too much flour? a few years ago i started getting the random sporadic hair and at the time thought 'oh god i AM getting old', despaired a while, and plucked them when i found them. this was before i knew about pcos. after i knew about pcos, i still thought i was forever a hideous conglomeration of man and woman no matter how much plucking and waxing and bleaching and cursing and 'healthy eating' i did, those same 5 hairs just kept showing up

    my ex had a thing about body hair, he didn't like it on him and i guess he didn't like it on anyone. he kissed me one day, saw a hair i'd missed under my chin and pulled away with a disgusted 'jesus'

    so as you can imagine, the self conciousness i felt sort of amplified just a little

    and just in time to brighten my pervy little day, my guy sent me a progress pic of his primal & IFing diet. i want to bite those abs and V taper. you sweet, sweet man you

    so long story even longer, if taking a diet pill is what it will take to knock some pounds off then there's no shame in my game. it's not like being primal isn't helping, the closer i stick to the diet the more my anxiety lessens, weird pains a 20+ year old shouldn't have went away almost immediately, hair shedding stops, premature greys are staying cause those are inherited. they are an awesome bright white too. my peekos is blunted altogether and that's pretty cool i guess

    having grain free dogs who love coconut oil is pretty cool too

    cause, you know, no dog farts
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  2. #112
    bloodorchid's Avatar
    bloodorchid is offline Senior Member
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    sporadic bouts of unspecified anxiety and a disinclination to sleep. well this sucks. is it a result of too much chinese or am i losing my mind again already?

    here is a not-so-secret secret about my family. we all have a crutch. the older set uses smoking, the younger set uses alcohol, recreational drugs and pills. my crutch used to be smoking til my grandfather died of lung cancer that spread through his body then i did a fast force quit, caving in to 5 or fewer puffs over the next several months

    see how i was all grammatically correct with the 'or fewer'? you can thank weird al for that

    if i had less of a tight rein on myself i'd be on the alcohol and pill crutch. i'd like to huddle up and take a muscle relaxer with a bottle of alcohol so i can go into oblivion for a while, then carry on nightly until the prescrip ran out and i'd wobble belligerently to the doc where she would realize i've developed a problem and refuse to renew it wherein i would be forced to injure myself at retail chains, exacerbating my drug saturated and numb back injury for out of court settlements so i could buy more off the street. eventually i would be arrested for buying from an undercover cop, forced into rehab and come out an artsy fartsy hippie who would write several best selling self help books

    it's a vicious cycle best left undone

    i raked today, fitocracy has no tracker listing for that but i fear i care very little for level grinding this week

    and despite the pain pill that was working beautifully, when i was finished the area immediately around my rod was tingling

    i really really really don't want more surgery. i don't want more scars and staples and stitches, and yes i'm being a baby stfu
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  3. #113
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    Wait- so my whiskers might not be the result of fair British skin and charming French hair? (Thank you, Mom) I might have to look into this PCOS thing after all . . .

    But isn't it a better story that you're a burlesque star in Guatamala, Ireland (hmm, that's gotta be an interesting place)?

    I'm jealous of the pretty premature grays! Ok, I'm still under 30, but I can't wait to go gray- and I have . . . one. Given my genetics, I don't expect to go gray any time soon- but I've always wanted to be one of those little old ladies with blue hair. Only not blueing blue. Blue blue. Or maybe purple. Depending on my mood. I figure gray hair will be easier to dye funky colors than brown hair that has to be bleached first. And maybe I won't be working for a stodgy company then.

  4. #114
    bloodorchid's Avatar
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    you could just be lucky do you has teh peekos symptoms? also, no matter what the box says, it does not fully color the grays ಠ̯ಠ they're more like random blonde highlight hairs
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  5. #115
    bloodorchid's Avatar
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    i am about 99.9% sure that this is completely accurate

    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  6. #116
    bloodorchid's Avatar
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    i googled while waiting for next iron chef to load and apparently getting prescribed phen whatever is akin to finding the holy grail? with jesus still attached to it? buying it from questionable sources online, paying 121$ for 30 pills of what might not even BE the real thing

    and snorting it for a high? with people asking if that made you lose weight faster? you're snorting a diet pill????? WHAT the HELL

    i'm just... i don't...

    what, should i be jumping and screaming 'iiiiiii haaaaaaaaave the powwwaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!' with the pill bottle held up in my fist?

    if i had known i had the equivalent of a 300 billion winning powerball ticket i'd have pooed my pants from glee then jumped on the scale to declare myself down another pound
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  7. #117
    bloodorchid's Avatar
    bloodorchid is offline Senior Member
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    tights!

    i like em.

    and i'm wearin em.
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  8. #118
    BeckaSki's Avatar
    BeckaSki is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    i am about 99.9% sure that this is completely accurate
    Oh my god, I just about died laughing. Thank you for this.

  9. #119
    drssgchic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    tights!

    i like em.

    and i'm wearin em.
    Hear, hear! Less shaving required! Oh- and I don't make them run just by lookin' at 'em funny. I'm still eyeing the leopard and tiger ones I saw at Target- haven't quite worked up the guts, but I'm working on it.

  10. #120
    BeckaSki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Hear, hear! Less shaving required! Oh- and I don't make them run just by lookin' at 'em funny. I'm still eyeing the leopard and tiger ones I saw at Target- haven't quite worked up the guts, but I'm working on it.
    Some of the more subtle patterned of these tights are a nice gateway to leopard. Also more appropriate for the office, if that's your gig. I have some of the "fancy texture cable" model, and they are pretty awesome.

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