Lol- I make no such claims, Pebbles. I think it got better when the guys started hanging out here
Ugh, today, I embrace the suck and go for the fail. Sushi and a frappiccino for lunch. Did you know that Starbucks now has a fourth size for their frozen drinks?! Because you need this stuff in larger amounts! Geeze. I'll stick with my Grande, thank you. One gazillion calories is enough, I don't need two or three gazillion.
I think I need to return to survival-mode for the moment. None of my clothes fit, which makes me feel exceedingly unattractive, I'm feeling weak and useless, and this is making me not care/actively eat crap food. Which, of course, reinforces the above because I swell up and my muscles are poisioned leading to more crap. I just put in for the second half of next week off. I hope I get it. I need time to bask in the sun, go for walks, and basically get my shit together mentally and emotionally so I can do the things I have to do to actually fix my life.
I have some ideas of possible jobs- REI has good health insurance, and rock/landscaping material places would offer fresh air. For secondary jobs, I'm considering a garden center to work on my knowledge and my debt at the same time. I could then pick up grunt jobs around them for really spare cash and some exercise. Now I just have to come up with the emotional equilibrium to smile and be pleasent and not tell them that the bulk of humanity can go fuck itself, but I really am quite good at customer service!
I'm reading Eating Animals at the moment. I think his ultimate stance will be that because 99% of animal agriculture is factory farming, vegetarinaism is the safe way to go. Which, of course, ain't what I'm about to do. But it really does get me thinking. Particularly his definition of "stress." It's an industry euphamism to avoid the word "suffering." What I call stress in my job is in reality my animal nature suffering at being locked into my veal cage with my unnatural lighting and highly-regemented schedule. This, combined with what's been posted recently about the Gulf, makes me just want to run away and hide and raise goats and rabbits to feed myself and ignore the world. We have so fucked up our home, and there are so many that are ignorant of or avoiding that fact. And my desire to care for and heal at least a corner of it is foiled by the necessity to play the game so I can get my hands on some land in the first place. That's not right. Really not right.