Going Wild (Drssgchic) page 43

[drssgchic]

Um, never? (runs and hides) I hate doctors and I haven't gotten around to finding one out here. I know, I know, I need to. Yuck.

I just started melatonin again, although it doesn't knock me out like it used to. Boo. That probably isn't helping the rolling out of bed thing. But I think it's as much a mental thing as a physical one. I'm often awake- or I would be if I chose to be. But the minute I roll out of bed and put the teakettle on, my day has begun. Five days a week- the ones that I find the hardest to roll out of bed- that means that I will be going to spend 8ish hours at a job that simply has no draw for me. The overcast thing is less a depression thing- in the morning at least- and more a "but the sun isn't up, yet!" thing.

I've actually realized lately that part of the reason that I was letting myself stay up too late was a combination of "If I go to bed, then I have to get up and go back to work" and that the more time I'm awake, the smaller the percentage of my day was spent at work. Both terribly mature of me, I'm sure, but at least I know what was causing it. At this point I'm contemplating taking a simple, low-paying job just to give myself a break for a while. Not a good move for a resume, but, well, I'm really jealous that my baby brother took a year "off" between college and looking for a real job by working at a marina. I could use a year off! But with this economy, what are the odds that I can get a decent job after that year off? I'm reading a blog on and off about doing things your own way- and he insists that fear shouldn't rule your life. Ok, that makes sense, but what if the fears are justified? How do you tell the difference?

[Mud Flinger]

All good points about fear ruling your life, but I totaly agree with you - when you have to support yourself, you need a good plan and a backup... and motivation to get you through. My concern for you is that job jumping right now may not solve anything as you are discontent and trying to move away from it. I think you need something new to draw you in and pull you away from your job instead if that makes any sense. Give yoursealf a chance to slog through the sludge right now until you can really figure this out. I am sure you will - mainly because you are taking action. Taking classes, meeting people, working with the horses - these things are all working on you - changing you.

Also, if you are not taking D3, I'm sure you are low. Even in a sunny place like CO, we need more D3 supps. I take 5000IU daily (sometimes more) and so does my hubby and our levels are in the lower good range. I never felt a huge diff from it, but many have.

Glad to hear you got some good sleep last night. I love wine also, but it can really mess up my sleep too.

[namelesswonder]

Paleo Physicians Network There are some listings for Colorado, don't know if they're near you. The only listings near me are for chiropractors, which is not terribly helpful most of the time heh. At the very least, I think having a baseline to check for deficiencies (especially Vit D, iron, and B12) is a good idea. But, you know, also see what your insurance will cover. Out of network docs can really rack up the bills

And MF is right, you are doing things. You are building the base that you need in order to really figure out what you want to do and what will be best. Keep working on those things and the rest will come (patience is not one of my virtues either).

[drssgchic]

Thanks, Wonder! They're all up in the hippie areas (north of me), but if it really comes down to it, I could deal with a doctor in Denver.

Don't worry, I'm not about to do anything rash. Rash being giving notice unless I have a job that pays at least as well with at least the same level of benefits. With the benefit of several springs with this company, I know that I am NOT in a place to make any major decisions. I am trying to accept that showing up at work and doing my job and doing ANYTHING else to make myself better is a good thing. I just have to hang in there until I'm getting more sun and exercise and I've had a chance to recover from being peopled out. It wouldn't take long at all if I were able to go be a hermit for a couple of weeks, but since I have to keep showing up to work, that slows the recovery process.

The amount of D I take kinda depends on the day, but recently it's been 8-10K IU on weekdays. (my drops live in my desk at work) When I first tried it, it was amazing. Now it's not so exciting, but I think it does help. Particularly since I've spent the last four or five months being locked inside during 90% of the daylight hours. I do need to make more of a point of getting outside when I can, though. That's part of why I found the barn. Well, that and horses are an addiction that I've been craving a hit of for a while now

[Mud Flinger]

A dose of horse can cure many ills - to be sure! Some day I even hope to have my own source but like the advice others have given above, I must remember - patience and planning so we don't all suffer.

[drssgchic]

Yes, yes it can. I'm currently between horses which my wallet loves, but my soul isn't too thrilled with. The plan is to be in a place where I won't have to sell my next one.

One of the things I'm looking for on property to purchase is horse stuff- barn, fencing- so that I can possibly rent it out. This gives me 1) manure, 2) help with the mortgage, and 3) horses I can pet that I'm not responsible for

[Mud Flinger]

Yes, that's a very good plan with almost all things - better to borrow than own Plus, the infastructure is $$$. I also want to make sure I ride the horses so that they are not just big pets (the dogs already own that spot). Many of our neighbors have horses but I almost never see anyone riding them. Having a good place to ride like trails nearby or adjacent so that you really can live the life style and not just work to keep up the appearance! Trailering all the time seems like a real pain to me.

[drssgchic]

Before I moved I almost had a horse that would have been my project but not my responsibility. Big, handsome, sweet . . . pity we got on like baking soda and vinegar.

I've run across a couple since I've been out here that I'd like to take on as pets- but I'm balking at paying for a cat as a pet, so it's kept me from volunteering to take them. *whew* Horses are about 90% work and 10% fun, but I'm with you, I want to use them, not just look at them! I've been introduced to driving in the past and just this summer I was introduced to horsepacking. I have this idea that I want to use my horses for things like farmwork and trips to town. Maybe it comes from growing up in Amish country, but it's kinda cool to be driving down the road and see a horse and carraige (not to mention the fact that as gas prices rise, I think horses are going to come back in vogue . . . )

I'm going to be living within walking distance of Palmer Park in a few months. Over 700 acres and apparently there's a boarding barn for riding in the park. *can't afford a horse now . . . can't afford a horse now . . .*

[Mud Flinger]

So important to get finances in order first! Also, not having "pets" right now allows you to more easily accomplish other goals like finding employment you like and having time for side projects. Sounds like your new home will be great. That is a beautiful park!

[drssgchic]

L- grocery store philidelphia roll sushi. Yeah, yeah, I know.

D- bacon and eggs with kale, red wine
Dessert- butter w/ vanilla and cocoa powder, a mobster (half white russian, half italian soda- the "milk" is heavy cream and sparkling water)

I had a nice bath and lights out by 9. Didn't get too much sleep, though. But I'm willing to give up sleep for a thunderstorm and the rain that came with it.