I was feeling pretty damn good this afternoon. I must be getting better- I considered it a non-day because all I did was a blog post, checking both gardens, and going to knitting. (I didn't go to the horse rescue. That's a must for tomorrow.) But by the end of knitting, I wanted to cry. For no fucking good reason. I just did. I ended up leaving earlier than usual and I did cry on the way home. I just finished a pint of icecream (all real ingredients) and I'm working on getting toasted. Been a while since I've done that, but I just . . . don't want to feel. Not tonight.
Had a friend tell me recently that I just needed to get over my depression. My past was ruling me and I needed to let it go. From a couple of other things he's said, I think he has had no experience with serious mental illness. Which is great- for him. How do you just "get over" being side-swiped by the need to cry? There's nothing to fix to make me not cry. It's just there. Trust me, buddy, this is not something I do because it feels good.
That's why I only buy it a pint at a time. Otherwise I may well have polished off a half gallon.
Happy birthday to me. I'm starting it with a hangover.
Some man-hunk for you.
I was going to try to find a winky face or something, but then I remembered those studies about women and pr0n. Basically, heterosexual women mostly wanted men smiling, basically looking gentle and welcoming (but still, you know, grown-up, not the pre-pubescent boys that are so big in Hollywood right now).
His eye crinkles make me happy.