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Thread: Going Wild (Drssgchic) page 11

  1. #101
    drssgchic's Avatar
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    The gym guy had me start out with an alternating grip, so I've already got that. No gloves. It would help, but I miss my callouses, damnit, and if this is the only way to get them back, then I'll take it. I think part of it is that my hands are just flat out soft at the moment- and once a week lifting isn't going to change that quickly.

    I did do a little looking around here- and it looks like I need to really grip hard on whatever I'm lifting to 1- make sure I've got a good hold and 2- work out my hands/forearms so I can lift more later. Also- I need to bust out my sledgehammer again. If I actually woke up with my first alarm I'd have lots of time to swing it around a little every morning since apparently grip is something that just takes time.

    D- Steak and small sweet potato, kombucha

    B- eggs, leftover grocery store roast beef, cheddar, tea with cream
    Thanksgiving- turkey, home-made mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, a little greenbean cassarole, 1 red wine, crustless pumpkin pie with reddiwhip

    It wasn't my family- a very nice lady at church invited me to join hers since mine is in New England- but I was a little surprised at the lack of variety. I mean, where was the squash(es), the sweet potato, the peas, the rutebega, the salad, the greenbeans (not in a cassarole), the cranberry orange relish? And nobody went back for seconds. Really? You're not supposed to be able to move after Thanksgiving dinner. THEN you have dessert Of course, there were games. Scrabble instead of Monopoly or Uno- but I'm happy, I held my own despite my tendancy to spell creativly. And I like the idea of a hottub. I mean, what's not to like about spending some time admiring the tattoos of a cop-to-be and an army guy in the hot tub? Then the cop's mom joined us.

    The army guy was amazed that I'm 28 and have no ink. What can I say, I'm counter-culture Actually, I know what I want, but it's not quite time. And I'm chicken. I mean, accidental pain is easy to deal with- but when you know it's coming- that's hard.

    D- 2 slices of crustless pumpkin pie, brandy

    AM- tea with butter (out of cream- and they didn't have the one I like when I stopped earlier this week- boo)

  2. #102
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    I've never had trouble with purposeful pain. Accidental pain, you don't know what to expect, and the suspense makes it worse. But getting tattooed is like a needle scraping you over and over in the same area. I found myself getting pissed when I got my first one! It's better to wait and find the right artist than end up with something you aren't happy with. I'm working with someone right now for my second tat and it's quite nerve-wracking to make sure I get what I want. I have a vision of it in my head, but I can't communicate it well, so I'm just hoping the tweaking I suggest on the sketches inevitably come out right.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  3. #103
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    See- with accidental pain, you don't (generally) know it's going to happen until it does- and then you pretty much know what you've got. I think I'm going to have to be one of those wimps that goes in and gets "tattooed" with an empty needle first to see if I can handle it before I commit. You're right about getting it right though. One of my friends has this really pretty moon on her ankle- I love it, particularly on her, but she settled for it because what she wanted really ought to be wrapped around her thigh or a full back piece- $$. Now she hates it.

    It can be hard to articulate what you want. I'm thinking about seeing if my brother, the artist, would be willing to help me out when I'm finally ready to do it. He hates to do "commission" pieces, but I know he'd do a good job. We'll see.

    You know what I'm thankful for, folks? I don't have five, so I'm not putting it in the gratitude thread- but I'm really thankful for good people. You all. (particularly those that are willing to read my journal and discuss my issues ) The folks that invited me into the family for Thanksgiving. My church that encourages questions/personal growth. Just- good people. Not those that are good for a reason- those that are good (giving, loving, accepting) because they just can't help it. This world needs them- but does not nurture them.

  4. #104
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    There's no mental illness? Really? Then what the fuck is wrong with me? I grew up with everything I needed in a loving household with parents that are still married. I was raised on garden veggies during garden season and we always had meat and veggies for meals. I'm healthy as a horse, physically, but I am not right mentally. Yes, some of it is constantly running myself into the unmoving wall of civilization. But what about the rest? How did it start? Why am I incapable of fixing it? Trust me, you can't wish yourself out of this situation. It's not a matter of willpower.

    I'm having a hard time taking all my supps on time, if at all. When I'm topped off, it helps. When I eat right it helps. When I'm already off kilter I do things like drink too much. Which I know is bad for me, but for a couple of hours I can not care. Once upon a time the grey engulfed me all the time. It wasn't so bad. I didn't believe people that told me it wasn't normal because by that time I didn't remember anything else- nor did I really care. Now I know it's not normal- it's not right- and that makes it hurt that much more.

    This weekend I was supposed to go out with a friend to visit some cliff-dwellings. Outside, interesting place, history, a guy I get along with really well, and I just couldn't do it. I cancelled and stayed in. I KNOW being outside would be good for me. I KNOW watching TV is bad for me (even if it was Eureka). But that didn't MATTER. The worst part about my depression is that I don't even have any justification for it. It'd be easier to deal with if I was beaten as a child or something- but I wasn't. I've had no major trauma. I'm just fucked up.

    Now- the society component is important. However, what's the solution? I KNOW what I need- I need to be outside doing something that matters. The thing is- I'm also going to live a very long time, so how do I do something that matters and provide for my retirement- because no one is going to do it but me? So I'm stuck between being able to feed myself (admittedly, very well on my current income) and, oh, live.

    Is lack of mental health in an unhealthy society actually a sign of health? In the end, does it matter? When the insane run the asylum- how are the sane to make themselves heard? Or am I just nuts?

  5. #105
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    Drssgchic, it's not a sign of poor mental health to wish for purposeful work in your life.

    How is your writing going?

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gay Panda View Post
    Drssgchic, it's not a sign of poor mental health to wish for purposeful work in your life.

    How is your writing going?
    Pfft. But thanks for asking. On the other hand, my depression is one of my muses. When it doesn't cripple me. Fun times. We'll see if we can shove it into gear tonight.

    I appreciate that you popped by for a minute.

  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Pfft. But thanks for asking. On the other hand, my depression is one of my muses. When it doesn't cripple me. Fun times. We'll see if we can shove it into gear tonight.

    I appreciate that you popped by for a minute.
    I've visited before and read your whole journal; I just don't tend to comment out of shyness.

    It is a careful dance between the amount of depression that inspires creativity and the amount of depression that drains it away. I used to set a daily 1,000-word goal when I first started writing books (which I didn't always make). But it is always fun to watch a book get closer and closer to a real book length!

  8. #108
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    You're a writer?! Wait- I started your journal. Der. Of course you are with that handle on words. I'll have to pop back over and catch up Fiction, non-fiction?

    I do need to be more serious about my 500 word daily writing. It is nice to see things flow along- and once I'm 500 words in, it's not unusual for me to just keep rolling. I'm a little hung up on the one that is at the minimum length for that one because now I have to, like, edit and stuff. Boo. But, it will also be good to know what I'm missing so my writing can be a little more focused.

    Feel free to comment. I won't bite. You have to ask nicely for that

  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Fiction, non-fiction?

    I do need to be more serious about my 500 word daily writing. It is nice to see things flow along- and once I'm 500 words in, it's not unusual for me to just keep rolling. I'm a little hung up on the one that is at the minimum length for that one because now I have to, like, edit and stuff. Boo. But, it will also be good to know what I'm missing so my writing can be a little more focused.

    Feel free to comment. I won't bite. You have to ask nicely for that
    I write science fiction (for an adult audience) and fantasy (for a young adult audience). I've written about 13 books altogether, although only one is published. (And some of the remainder are so bad that they will never EVER see the light of day.)

    As for editing, my best strategy is just to put the book away for awhile, because when I take it out again, the mistakes jump right out at me. Some writers don't need that time, but WOW, I do. Editing is fun then, because I can truly see the weaknesses in the book and can work with fresh eyes on correcting them.

    Glad you don't bite! What do you like to write?

  10. #110
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    Then what the fuck is wrong with me? I grew up with everything I needed in a loving household with parents that are still married. I was raised on garden veggies during garden season and we always had meat and veggies for meals. I'm healthy as a horse, physically, but I am not right mentally.
    You and me both! It's a little easier to accept that there's some kind of chemical imbalance that predisposes you to the blues. In my waning years, I can honestly say that it does get better. I think you mellow out, learn some coping strategies and become aware of the triggers.
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    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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