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Thread: Going Wild (Drssgchic) page 103

  1. #1021
    Mud Flinger's Avatar
    Mud Flinger is offline Senior Member
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    I think packing and getting ready for your move are both mentally helpful. If you can't move on workwise yet, at least you can move to a happier home. When I'm feeling bad/fried/sick/overwhelmed, I just pick one thing to do and then see if I can move more. It's like the act of starting to move allows for more. The singing rocks will be waiting when you are ready

  2. #1022
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    It is good to get one, tiny thing done. I filled one box and half-filled a couple of others. They still need to have the little paperbacks stuffed in the small spaces. It's a start.

    L- Peppermint mocha frappichino. Because fuck me, that's why. Not even fuck you. Fuck me. Although the caffine and sugar is helping to keep me awake.

    This afternoon, I'm going to embrace the laze and sun a bit after work instead of trying to walk. It's close enough.
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  3. #1023
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    namelesswonder is offline Moderator
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    Sounds like a good plan. You are a smart packer, I ALWAYS, despite knowing better, pack books with other books and end up with the heaviest box of all mankind. And one full of pillows.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #1024
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    No, no. I mean I have to stuff the paperbacks in the spaces between my big hardbacks. LHT baby! And there will be a big box of pillows/bedding/fluffy stuff. But most of the boxes will be books.

    I'm eating "Kellogs Fruity Snacks" right now. They're terrible. *sigh* Why can't I crave good food when I'm feeling crappy? It would make me feel better. Oh well. I'm not worrying about it. No point.
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  5. #1025
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    Where did you get that poop??! Think long and hard about a nice juicy steak and maybe you will crave it But in order to best follow your dad's advice, it is probably best that you enjoy those snacks
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #1026
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    Vending machines. Evil, evil, nasty vending machines. (I wanted gum, but knew what they had would be very, very stale)

    I do have the rest of a steak at home that needs eatin' I just have to survive the next 50 minutes and I'm out of here. Woo hoo!
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  7. #1027
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    I was only home for about an hour before the sun went behind the building and "sunning" wasn't really an option. However, I was also drinking mead while sunning in a public area. That's right The Man. I sticked it.

    D- mead, chips, cheesecake, blueberry wine. Why? Because it was my birthday and I damn well felt like it. Ok, really, because I couldn't come up with a good "why not."

    Warning- stupid rant ahead:

    So if our brains are "wonderful computers that God gave us" (Thank you, Mrs Dr Diamond. Bitch.) and our bodies are these amazing machines- then why can't I run on all cylendars perpetually? A computer doesn't require rebooting because it's under utilized. If it's overwhelmed, then, maybe. I'm overwhelmed because I'm underutilized and it's killing me. I worked hard at work during busy season, and I took a lot of classes that actually helped because they kept my mind working. But now I'm unable to do, well, anything, because apparently my computer and machine have determined that I need a down season. But being seasonal is an animal thing- and we aren't animals, right? That's what they tell us. I'm expected to do the same damn thing with the same damn level of competence day in and day out all year. Like a machine would do. An animal- horse people can confirm this and I imagine others can as well- requires an off season. A time to rest an recouperate. A time to be a horse in order to have the mental and physical capacity to resume their physically and/or mentally demanding career. This isn't the two or three weeks that we have to decide whether to take as a chunk or parse out here and there. This is two to three months of being barefoot and free. Or, well, as free as a show horse ever is Without it, they fall apart. Young. (Hell, depending on how much their animal nature is suppressed during the working months, they may fall apart young even with it)

    I don't even know what I'm saying- except that I need a break, a hiatus, time to go walkabout, a winter to read instead of work- SOMETHING to help me recapture interest in life. But do I have time for that? No. I have to show up every fucking day for a soul-sucking job that manages to undermine/undo any healing I manage while I'm away from work. At this moment in time, stupid questions and stupid people are stressful for me. I've never dealt with them well, but I have no defenses any more. One stupid question and I'm gritting my teeth to not stand up, shriek what I think of the place, and storm out. (obviously to never return. What I'd have to say would not be forgiven.)

    But, the thing is, people DO do this. There are so many that have multiple jobs. That go to school and have a job and frequently have a family, too. (Although having a family means that they don't necessarily have to cook all the food and do all the laundry, which would help) A second job would be very helpful in getting my debt wiped out and the downpayment for my land/farm/ranch set aside. The right one could even be very helpful in teaching me so much that I need to learn. But I'm having enough trouble showing up for the job I do have. That's just weak. I hate being weak. Shit, I can't afford to be weak. I don't have any support structure out here to fall back on if I fall apart. I have some money set aside, but there's no telling whether I can put myself back together before it runs out and I'm totally SOL. Being brittle and having an animal nature sucks. Neither is acceptable or allowed for in today's world. FTS.

    /rant

    B- tea/cream, bacon and cheese omelette, coffee/half and half
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  8. #1028
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    I wish I knew what to say, but I don't think you're weak, yet I also relate to that feeling.

    Happy belated birthday.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #1029
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    Mud Flinger is offline Senior Member
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    Ah - the Birthday rant - I've heard many of these. Maybe you judge yourself too harshly for not being where you want to be in many areas of your life. Just like at the end of a long hike - keep putting one foot in front of the other - you will get there. You may get a few more blisters along the way, but you will not die on the trail - you have too much heart for that.

    Too bad you don't live closer - I'd invite ya over for some tequilla, a swim or hot tub and and a small (and very illegal) bonfire (in the fire pit of course). Talking would be optional!

    Oh - and Happy Birthday!

  10. #1030
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you for the well wishes, you two. I'm just . . . frustrated. On the one hand, I know that down time is necessary sometimes and stuff- but, like, why does that apply to me? Shouldn't I be able to just roll past it because how else am I going to get everything done, like, now?

    It's actually not about the birthday. It's a celebration of an arbitrary deliniation of the flow of life used to make workers be easier to track. This one isn't even important- I mean, unless I'm going to be one of those women who needs to celebrate her first 29th birthday *maniacle giggle* Because I'm never admitting I'm not in my 20s!

    Aghm. Actually, it would have been important if I wasn't already out here since I'd have to start making plans to pack up my car and just go- but that, fortunately, is taken care of.

    I probably am judging myself too harshly. Mom keeps reminding me that I've done a LOT this year and that moving is a big deal. I guess I'm not giving myself much credit because, well, it's nothing compared to the continent-hopping that my sister does or totally doing his own thing that my little brother does. Yes, I am totally a middle child I'm just annoyed that my mortality is slowing me down right now.

    I appreciate the thought of the invite Mud Flinger! At the moment, I'm waffling between trying dancing again (being a single female ballroom dancer sucks, but I love dancing) or going to see Dark Shadows. Snow White and the Huntsman is on my maybe list, but definately not on opening night. I will not be stuffed in a theatre between Twifans when there's the potential for a good story
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

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