12-13-2011, 12:06 AM
As unwarranted and unwelcome as the troll may be, it brings with it a delightful reminder of just how far you've come.
12-13-2011, 03:20 AM
S'orright, I have clicked the Death Triangle enough times this week for all of us. You are a very kind panda, giving out hugs to 'botty trolls. There'll be no such shenanigans from me.
So do tell - was the phone under kitty? I rather envy kitties. Today I was keeping an eye on our office cat, across from me at a colleague's workstation, and she did NOT BUDGE from her chair from the time I arrived (9.30 am) until 3.55 pm. That's some dedicated snoozing there.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
12-13-2011, 09:58 AM
I hope to be reincarnated as a spoiled barn cat. I can be outside and hunting, but my owners love me enough to make sure I've got a snug cave somewhere to sleep and food to fill in between the mice I snarf. Think we get a say in our next life?
12-13-2011, 10:09 AM
PART ONE: Last week, Gay Panda had an ethical quandary over two cans of chili-with-soy. No, the quandary did not concern eating them. I stopped consuming soy entirely in the spring. I’d been eating soy for years because of a complex series of mathematical properties which Professor Panda will proceed to impress everyone with below:
MEAT = BAD, but PROTEIN = GOOD.
REQUIRE ALTERNATE PROTEIN SOURCE.
SOY = PROTEIN. Hmm. IS SOY HEALTHY?
Here was my proof that SOY was healthier than MEAT:
1. It is sold at Whole Foods. (Objection: so is meat, and we know that MEAT = BAD. MEAT = BAD because MEAT = FAT and FAT = BAD, ergo MEAT = BAD. But Whole Foods must appeal to a wider audience in order to be a successful business, so it must sell meat for the deluded souls who think MEAT = GOOD, but likewise encourage them NOT to eat meat by posting signs and pamphlets all over the store encouraging vegetarianism. So this is why Whole Foods sells meat, but pushes soy over it. Conclusion: Point Awarded to SOY.)
2. The magazines at my gym say so. (SOY = WEIGHT LOSS. Gay Panda wants to lose weight, because FAT PANDA = SICK PANDA. So if SOY = WEIGHT LOSS and WEIGHT LOSS = HEALTHY PANDA, then SOY = HEALTHY PANDA. Conclusion: Point Awarded to SOY.)
3. Many of Gay Panda’s friends are vegetarians who eat SOY, and they appear to be healthy. Two friends who eat MEAT have diabetes. (Conclusion: Point Awarded to SOY.)
So there you have it, the extent of my research on this matter. Yes, this is actually how I thought about it. Be thankful that Gay Panda does not A: work in science or leadership; B: have children; and C: write health articles. My lack of critical thinking skills is embarrassing.
12-13-2011, 10:12 AM
PART TWO: This entry is not really to debate the merits or lack thereof in soy. I’ve read enough to be uncomfortable, and since I have refuted MEAT = BAD, there is no need to have soy be my protein. So I have puzzled for months over what fate should befall my cans of chili. They have lived quiet lives in the pantry since March, pushed back on a shelf so that I do not see them often. But I know that they are there. Here is the issue:
If Gay Panda does not intend to ever eat the chili-with-soy, what does Gay Panda do with it?
A: Throw it out.
B: Wrap it in a blanket and abandon it on a neighbor’s porch in a Moses basket.
C: Leave it in the pantry until it expires and I am forced to throw it out.
D: Donate it to the Hungry Can at Whole Foods.
Debate for A: That seems wasteful. Yet after the reading I’ve done, I’m not sure that soy is healthy. So maybe I should throw it out. But there are hungry people in my magical bamboo forest who don’t have the financial luxury of the SOY/MEAT debate. MEAT = EXPENSIVE.
Debate for B: I hate my neighbors and I want them to eat soy in the hopes that it is unhealthy. But would I eat a can of chili that I found on my porch one morning? No. Would you? I will have to find some other passive-aggressive way of expressing my frustration with them.
Debate for C: This is a Classic Gay Panda Move. Preemptively throwing out perfectly good food is reproachful, whereas tossing an expired can is forgivable. I just didn’t see it back there! Whoops! What a waste. Oh well.
Debate for D: If I were poor and hungry, I would want the chili even if it weren’t made of the best ingredients. I did not look down to the hungry students I once taught and say, ‘I’m sorry, but Teacher doesn’t believe that Goldfish Crackers are very good for you. We’ll wait for someone to donate something better.’ My idealism over what I should be feeding them took second place to the immediacy of their hunger. They needed food and they needed it NOW, and the food banks in my county are currently overwhelmed with need.
So B is out. Knowing that the cans are on my shelf make C a little despicable. A is for a more perfect world than this one. The most ethical choice is D. Soy may not be the healthiest thing that I can give someone, but do you know what is even less healthy than soy? Starvation. Last week at Whole Foods, I put the chili-with-soy in the Hungry Can*.
12-13-2011, 10:14 AM
UPDATE: (in explanation of *)
As I wrote this entry, it occurred to me that perhaps when I go shopping tomorrow, I could purchase something more primal and put it in the Hungry Can, too. And how troublesome that thought has become! The Hungry Can is not built for a nice sirloin steak. I can’t slip in a carton of eggs. The Hungry Can is literally for cans, canned non-perishable food. So after a ten-minute hunt online to find the food bank that Whole Foods is supplying, I discovered a list of acceptable foodstuffs and scanned for something that I would be happy to eat (or would be, if I weren’t such a picky eater).
Tuna. Yay! But isn’t there mercury in tuna? Damn.
Canned vegetables. GROSS, but other people like them.
Soups and stews. Does Whole Foods sell cans of soup with real meat in them? I’ve been buying them with soy for so long that I honestly don’t know.
12-13-2011, 11:51 AM
Round Two of High Fat
I made it to 65% fat yesterday of my 1010 calories, and before anyone squawks that this is too low for someone of my height, Gay Panda tries to eat according to hunger cues instead of simply to reach a set number. Today I've been hungrier so far and have eaten more to sate myself. Some days I'm just not very interested in food, and it seems odd to force it in regardless.
12-13-2011, 12:22 PM
Panda, the next time you have a moral quandary regarding wayward food - feed it to the neighbours' pets.
There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton
The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!
12-13-2011, 03:04 PM
Gay Panda, are you still subscribed to the Donner Meats CSA? We haven't heard of any cooking adventures since Jean-Cluck and the pig buttocks
12-13-2011, 03:08 PM
Yes, I'm still eating the Donner Party! Right now it's just hamburger meat, which I know how to deal with, Nasty Bacon which I refuse to eat, and I let Lady Friend handle a second chicken. I named it Doctor Beverly Clucker to continue on the Star Trek: The Next Generation theme, and it was much more delicious than Gay Panda's Jean-Cluck Picard because Lady Friend found a better recipe.
Originally Posted by ottercat