Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 9

[Gay Panda]

Gay Panda suffers from magical thinking.

There is nothing more revolting to me than vegetables. I hated them as a cub and was told that my taste buds would change and I would love them as an adult. But now I am an adult, and I still hate them. Someone in another thread said he/she would NEVER believe that anybody could actually hate vegetables. Hating them meant that you had only had them undercooked/overcooked/seasoned with cyanide, and should you ever have them properly prepared, you would be swept away at their total awesomeness and eat them by the bucket from then on.

I have had them badly prepared. I have had them beautifully prepared. And I still hate them with a fiery passion. Hell for Gay Panda is a buffet of vegetables and Red Red Wine playing on repeat, and my neighbors saving me a seat at their table and the only other empty seat is next to Mario Lopez. Gay Panda has met Mario Lopez, and once ruined a take of a show he starred on long ago, and did it on purpose because the guy was a jackass and Gay Panda wanted to win one for the little people.

My repertoire of vegetables is limited to a weekly cucumber and a handful of lettuce, all of which I eat begrudgingly. I know I should eat more. But I hate them, and this is where magical thinking comes into play. In order to justify avoiding them, I convince myself that were you to trace back Gay Panda’s genealogy to Groktime, you would find the panda ancestors belonging to such a successful tribe of hunters that they never had to resort to gathering lowly vegetables as filler. When I look reluctantly at vegetables in Whole Foods, an empty plastic bag and green twist-tie in hand, I can almost feel generations of Grok Pandas standing about me in disapproval.

Grok Pandas: We took down gazelles and antelope and woolly mammoths and Tyrannosaurus Rex with our bare teeth so that you could steam asparagus?
Gay Panda: Conflicting studies show that vegetables will make me healthy, and I don’t think you coexisted with Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Grok Pandas: Were you there, bubbala? So what do you know? Stop being a smartass and get to the meat counter for some liver.
Gay Panda: Liver gives me a squicky feeling.
Grok Pandas: The shame that our genetic line ends in the anti-climax of you- hey, snazzy purple clogs!

So I buy the cucumber and handful of lettuce to assuage my conscience, and am otherwise content that the power of my superior genetics means that my body will create its own vitamins and minerals out of Magic. Gay Panda wonders if it might be time for supplements, and turns this query over to you, Primal Community. What do you take? What should I be taking? The first person to respond that I only need the right recipes for vegetables will be receiving Poo Hurler by overnight mail.

[PixieKitten]

Wow, Panda, PixieKitten LOVES your writing. OHSOMUCH.
But... Veggies? D= Not even brocolli? I'll admit I'm not a fan of most vegetables, and I will refuse most of the ones I do eat if they're cooked (there's something about warm vegetation that just doesn't feel right) I eat lots of brocolli, cauliflower im not as keen on but I'll eat it grudgingly, cucumber, lettuce, ( Now I know these following are not veggie veggies but I'm lumping these in for the sake of it so bear with me) peas, runner beans and green beans... Hmm. Apparenly I don't eat many veggies either :/
One does not suffer from magical thinking. One REVELS in it, for it is amazing. GayPanda is amazing. ALL HAIL GAY PANDA =D

[Gay Panda]

Broccoli is the WORST! Followed by cauliflower and green beans and asparagus . . . oh, I could go on for DAYS. Yuck!

I am totally stealing this: "One does not suffer from magical thinking. One REVELS in it." That is hysterical!

[Gay Panda]

Anjelevil, your avatar story is great! You find yourself in the weirdest situations, in the weirdest positions, and saying the weirdest things when you have kids or work with kids.

A friend of a friend is planning to go to Thailand this winter, but as she insists that airfare not cost her over $800, I don't know how far she's going to get. I believe the going rate from Southern CA to Thailand is about $1600, so perhaps she plans to send half of herself.

[ottercat]

GayPanda is a sci-fi writer?? AWESOME! Otter is a nerd and a geek, therefore deeply worshipful of such.
Are you published anywhere? I'm sure I speak for everyone else when I say that I'd love to read some of your stuff. Also when I say we promise not to stalk you.

[HeatherJ]

Even though I am one of those vegetable-hating-kids-turned-veggie-loving-adults and enjoy a wide selection in my diet, one does not *need* vegetables to survive... check out Peggy's rundown on what she eats and why: The Carnivore’s Dilemma – A Diet of Just Meats and Fats? | The Primal Parent

Perhaps you belong to a line of Inuit Pandas or Massai Pandas who didnt have access to plant food but survived and thrived just the same! If you do worry about nutritional deficiency, a good multivitamin should assay your fears. I don't take one but Primal people seem to like NOW Foods or Nordic Naturals brands.

[Gay Panda]

Thanks, HeatherJ, this Inuit Panda will check out Nordic Naturals the next time I dodge Poo Hurler for Whole Foods. A vegetable in a pill!

ottercat, I'm such a geek that I'm watching the original Doctor Who from 1963 as I type this. I tried to get through the entire Star Trek franchise with Lady Friend, but we crapped out partway through DS9. Yes, I'm published, but the book became inaccessible due to the publisher going bankrupt right after it was released. Sad faces on feelings charts.

[AbigailLyn]

I think I'm keeping up all my crazy neighbors with my laughing out loud for the better part of the last hour. If you can't take out your revenge on your crazies, take some enjoyment on the fact that you've helped me with my crazies in guatemala. Thanks for the smile therapy

[anjelevil]

I think that more than a multi would be better..check out greens plus.They have a website but if I link it to you then it takes time to be passed by a moderator.This supplement has everything you may need in your greens.On another note(treadmill related),be careful on the mill..was on for my run on Wednesday and almost killed myself..had a large towel fall at my feet and take over the treadmill..as a result I had to do a big jump to the side before getting caught up in the towel and being hurled violently into the wall..wrenched my back as a result,I had a good laugh but my back was killing me yesterday as a result.

[Gay Panda]

I find myself wondering if Grok Tribes ever dealt with the equivalent of Gay Panda’s former boss Mr. Magazine Time. I want to imagine that in a Grok Tribe, everyone had tasks and everyone did them because each contribution spelled the difference between life and death. Don’t feel like watching the toddler and the toddler becomes tiger feed. Don’t feel like hunting and we will all starve or have to eat vegetables, so pick your poison. But people are people whether today or millions of years ago, and so there must have been a Grok version of Mr. Magazine Time, someone who looked important but did absolutely nothing, and got the prime cut of the hunt for doing so.

We worked for a corporation in which there was too much to do and not enough time in which to do it. The phone rang off the hook and computers kept freezing and a coworker tapped her watch for a meeting we should have been in five minutes ago and where in HELL were the spreadsheets? I was exhausted. I was stressed. So was everyone else, except for our boss Mr. Magazine Time. His days were so empty that his desk planner was a blank sheet, because once he saw that work needed to be done, he sloughed it off on someone else and returned to his issue of People, making $100,000 a year to follow the feckless lives of the Kardashians and play Guess the Celebrity Baby.

When he ran out of magazines, he would take his camera and chirpily announce that he was off to visit the inventory. Then he would be gone for hours doing exactly that while the rest of us broke out in cold sweats skipping lunch and pee breaks to try and keep the clients happy. I don’t know what he did with the pictures, but then he mastered a camcorder. And he took videos of the inventory.

And posted them to YouTube. Yes, there are actually videos on YouTube of Mr. Magazine Time walking around the inventory. Yes, he played them at our company party and insisted we watch him walking around the inventory. Yes, he sent them to our clients so that they could watch him walking around the inventory, and feel confident that their money was being well spent.

Sometimes he tired himself out so much by eleven in the morning that he would just go home. Other times he would see someone talking on the phone, fingers rattling on the keyboard and giving directions to three employees in two different languages, and burst, “Hey! I’ve got an idea! I think it would really increase efficiency if we moved the filing cabinets from here to there! Get on that.”

Yet year after year, the company keeps him on. Droves of good employees (including yours truly) lost the battle with their cortisol and quit; clients have complained that they will no longer work with him; he misplaces and misdirects and mishandles and makes more money than Gay Panda ever will. What would a Grok Tribe do with Mr. Magazine Time?

I like to think that they would eat him.