Live. Grow. Flourish.
My Journal/story is at http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread38948.html
PART ONE: Gay Panda has not felt full in days.
I do not know what has inspired such a desperate feeling of insatiableness, and I worry that my body has suddenly noticed how much weight I have lost and is setting up its offense to make a play and regain it. Although I am stressed for obvious reasons, this is not an emotional hunger. My body is hungry. After a meal it is still hungry. I woke up hungry this morning when usually my appetite takes hours to kick in. I do not think I’ve been under-eating, nor have I been frenetically exercising, so there is no clear reason for this to be going on. But it is.
I have mad fantasies of eating like Cookie Monster, just shoveling it in with crumbs flying in every direction. This grosses me out because it reminds me too much of my siblings in cubhood. Two of the sticky Panda siblings had disgusting behaviors in the matter of food. In truth, they had disgusting behaviors over a variety of topics, and Young Gay Panda marveled at the depths of depravity to which they would sink. I was not a sloppy cub. I took showers with a minimum of fuss. I did not eat anything formed and excavated from my nostrils. I had table manners.
This particular twosome of siblings was freshly imported from a poor medieval village in the matter of their hygiene. In fear of demons catching the scent of clean skin, they refused to shower. To keep their teeth warm, toothbrushes were not allowed to break apart the festering greenish coats wrapped about the enamel, with decorative tassels of decayed meat hanging from every groove. The crust within their neck creases would put one in mind of a pirate’s treasure map, ridges for mountains, waves for oceans, speckles for sand. Oil collected in their hair and stained their pillows, and their yellowed toenails stretched out to infinity, splintered peaks above valleys of toe jam.
When one touched me, I made sure to wipe myself off afterwards.
They shelled Easter eggs over the side of their beds, and the shells would still be there six months later. They took food into their rooms and pushed the stained plates and cutlery under their beds when finished. Their rooms reeked. If a cat vomited on their floor or beds, they stepped around it or slept beside it rather than clean it up. By our late teen years we shared a car, and on a long drive one summer to UC Berkeley, I had to pull over and investigate the source of an appalling smell. One sibling had eaten part of a tuna fish sandwich and dropped the rest under the driver’s seat.
PART TWO: The other had the unappetizing habit of stuffing his mouth so full of food at the table that he would choke and spit it out everywhere. It was nauseating. But this is the level of my hunger now, irrational and dominating, pushing aside manners in its singular quest to be soothed. Last night I gave up on eating my steak nicely with fork and knife, and just ate it with my fingers since the room was dark and Castle was on. I won’t even eat ribs because I don’t like to be messy.
What in the world is going on? Have my internal Mr. Magazine Times found a new level on which to battle me? I saw that article on ABC News about hormones making it difficult to keep the weight off, but this was a study of people severely restricting their calories (eating 500 calories a day) for 10 weeks. When tested for their levels of leptin and ghrelin a year later, they were higher than before the study began. I don’t know if I can compare myself to this study; I’m eating much more than 500 calories a day and losing slowly instead of crashing down like they did through semi-starvation.
But sweet Valhalla, my body does not feel full and I could eat like a pig from a trough right now. I’m thinking about food (but oddly dreaming about furniture shopping) I’m envisioning food, I’m looking at pictures of food and feeling hateful. That steak did not fill me; I then had a little cheese and a hardboiled egg and then a second egg before I stopped. I could still have eaten, but I was sick of going back and forth to the kitchen. Today maybe I should have as much as I want and glut myself in primal fashion, I shall be as big of a pig as I please, in the hopes that my body will understand there is no famine happening; there is just a panda trying to achieve a healthier weight than 185.
Steer clear of my magical bamboo forest today, ducklings. The crumbs are about to fly.
Last edited by Gay Panda; 11-10-2011 at 10:16 AM.
I have the same thing happen, and I am convinced it is connected to my hormones. In times of stress....any kind of stress, be it from relationships, failing tests, not enough sleep, too much exercise....my hormones take a nosedive and I get intense cravings and feel hungry all of the time. Plus I get anxiety and depression that seem to exceed the amount of stress that I am truly under. To get it back under control, sleep is critical, stay away from sugar, avoid unneccesary stresses (obviously not easy for you to do currently) and I myself find that adding a little bit of extra good carb/starch from sweet potatoes or rice helps me a lot. I also take my fish oil and vitamin D without fail.
I hope you are doing well. You have a lot of stress to deal with currently so take care of yourself!
Panda, I agree with newlifejourney. Maybe try some of the better carbs, like sweet potatoes, and maybe increase your healthy fat intake as well.
There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton
The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!
Steak + Castle = good times!
I have no great wisdom to offer, Panda, except perhaps experimenting with your macro levels as others have suggested. You getting enough good fats? Hang in there, and best of luck.
BTW, I love the titles you bestow on the characters in the stories you share with us; Distant Star is just so perfectly descriptive a name. :-)
newlifejourney, THANKS for mentioning Vitamin D! I've forgotten to take that for a week now, so I'll get restarted on it today. The next time I move, I'm going to spend a night sleeping in my car by the prospective house so I get a better feel of the dog situation. Of my five most immediate neighbors, there are seven noisy dogs. Shelob and Dr. Evil have declared Bark War on each other, and it's getting ugly.
(And let me also introduce Captain Suicide to the pages of Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS. Captain Suicide lives around the corner, and I have nearly driven over him three times now including yesterday. He's a yellow-jacketed Chihuahua allowed to run loose, and he explodes out of bushes as cars pass.)
Griffin, thank you, I should get to the store and buy some fattier foods. Maybe I'm taking in less than I think I am.
Hi, Sigi! I'm glad you love the names. I wrote that whole entry with a ruder name for Distant Star, but then I changed it. Even if 90% of what she does is NOT helpful in any way/shape/form, I have to be fair. It is coming from someone who really does WANT to be helpful, and just doesn't succeed. I can't fault her intentions. But I'm still so happy that she won't be at Thanksgiving. I will only have to contend with Grandpa Simpson, unless he has found a new girlfriend. :::shiver:::
I had the same problem a couple weeks ago. My stomach would growl with hunger, it was a pure, physical, hunger. I added a little more rice and sweet potatoes and spoonfuls of coconut oil and it helped. I don't know that I was particularly stressed at the time, but it was right after my sugar-binge vacation, so maybe I was just re-adjusting? My appetite seems to have returned to normal and I've lost another couple pounds.
Also, you might try re-reading this paragraph, because you had my stomach turning and the bowl of soup I was about to heat up for breakfast now has no appeal:
So kudos for the vivid writing, and curse you for grossing me out so early in the morning!This particular twosome of siblings was freshly imported from a poor medieval village in the matter of their hygiene. In fear of demons catching the scent of clean skin, they refused to shower. To keep their teeth warm, toothbrushes were not allowed to break apart the festering greenish coats wrapped about the enamel, with decorative tassels of decayed meat hanging from every groove. The crust within their neck creases would put one in mind of a pirate’s treasure map, ridges for mountains, waves for oceans, speckles for sand. Oil collected in their hair and stained their pillows, and their yellowed toenails stretched out to infinity, splintered peaks above valleys of toe jam.
My Primal Journal with lots of food pr0n
Dear Gay Panda,
I am another Scorpio who has read through you journal (yes all of it, and I don't read if it's no fun).
I do hope you can tame your hunger once again. While I don't have to battle my waistline, I do have times when my stomach seems to have been replaced by a black hole. I find the best ways to fill up is either a satisfying piece of meat, or pureed soup if all else fails. The meat thing only works when my meat intake has been too low over time. Sometimes though I simply have to bear it, until my stomach finds it's equilibrium again.