ZOMG, I sat near a real-life Fairy of Debauchery in the bar section of a nice restaurant today! Blonde, buzzed, and blustering, she regaled us all with random pieces of conversation spoken at top decibel level. Here were my favorites:
"BRITISH MEN ARE SO QUIET AND HAVE SUCH GOOD MANNERS!!! IT'S LIKE THEY'RE ALL GAY!!!"
And then there was this one:
"ON TOP OF THAT, SHE WAS A MULATTO!!! AND A BASTARD!!!"
And how can I forget this one:
"SO THEN MY OLDER SISTER GOT MARRIED AND SOON AFTER THAT MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED AND THEN I GOT MARRIED AND MY YOUNGER SISTER SHOWED UP AT THE CEREMONY WITH A BLACK EYE AND SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT SO MY PARENTS DIDN'T PAY FOR HER WEDDING!!! I BARELY REMEMBER MINE!!! IT WASN'T AN UPSCALE AFFAIR, JUST ME AND MY HUSBAND AND HIS FRIEND AND THE MAID OF HONOR AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT INTO THE PICTURES!!! WE WERE ONLY MARRIED FOR FOUR-AND-A-HALF YEARS BECAUSE IT WAS THE SIXTIES AND WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING!!!"
Her companion had a much lower voice which made it much harder for me to eavesdrop, but at one point she became very excited and cried, "THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO KNOW IF MY DAUGHTER GETS MARRIED IS IF SHE POSTS IT ON FACEBOOK!!!"
To which the Fairy of Debauchery roared, "AND SHE'S DATING A BRIT, ISN'T SHE???"
"YES!!! HE'S SO NICE!!!"
And the Fairy of Debauchery nodded sagely and bellowed, "BECAUSE HE'S PROBABLY GAY!!!"