NACHOS!!! I require them now.
Oh, it's not a Terrible Threes Fairy. It's a demon. All three-year-olds have them. One of my favorite students in my last year of teaching had quite the demon, who would transform this tiny, darling boy in sheer seconds from TEACHER PANDA, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH to TEACHER PANDA, I AM GOING TO EAT YOUR FACE.
His demon could be reliably triggered into showing its ugly head by red chairs. This boy loved the color red, and he always had to sit in a red chair. If someone else sat in his red chair . . . well, it was quite the scene. Banshee screams. Kicking feet. Pinwheeling arms. Spinning eyes. (Meanwhile, the no-longer-possessed older children in the room stared at him like he was nuts. It was just a chair, for Valhalla's sake.)
And then the demon moved to another three-year-old and my sweet boy resurfaced.
DEBAUCHERY: LET ME GO!!! TAKE ME BACK!!!
GAY PANDA: No! Donít you remember our talk about how to be a good guest? Obviously not, because everyone is complaining about you!
DEBAUCHERY: LET ME OUT OF MY TWIZZLER LASSO!!! WE WERE ALL HAVING SUCH FUN AND THEN YOU HAD TO POOP THE PARTY!!!
GAY PANDA: Come on, we can have fun, too. I ate really well yesterday and this morning, so you can help me screw it up with lunch and dinner. And everyone else can get a visit from Remorse and Resolve while we stuff our faces with nachos and MnMs and write demon erotica together.
DEBAUCHERY: OOOH!!! I LOVE EROTICA!!! YOU WOULDNíT BELIEVE THE POSITION I FOUND MYSELF IN THE OTHER NIGHT---
GAY PANDA: Nobody wants to know.
DEBAUCHERY: YES, THEY DO!!! SO THERE I WAS, CUFFED TO A MOVING TREADMILL IN THE HOTEL GYM WITH MY LEGS ON THE---
GAY PANDA: NO. STOP.
DEBAUCHERY: THATíS NOT WHAT HE SAID!!! OR SHOULD I SAY, THEY!!! HEY, YOUíRE UNWRAPPING MY TWIZZLER LASSO!!!
GAY PANDA: Go back to the others. Youíre free.
You are going to be so happy to know that you have vacation reading next month. I know how much you've been looking forward to Above/Below AND I JUST FINISHED IT.
Pick out your least favorite IQ point and prepare it for sacrifice.
I don't think I've ever finished two books on the same day before. DOUBLE THE READING FOR YOU!!!
The IQ point that Above/Below takes away will be restored by Zombies V.
I think a two book day is deserving of nachos, don't you?
Nachos for everyone!
Want to blow your waitress' mind? Order your nachos with no cheese!