How did you know I was thinking of you just now?! Today I embarked upon a Gothic Horror Novella for a contest, writing three thousand deliciously dreary words of the maximum 30K, and I realized that I had unwittingly based my male romantic interest upon you. I gave him a far more dashing name of course . . . oh, but please don't turn your back on Panda! Clark3loyd is a very masculine name indeed that makes womanly hearts everywhere flutter. Yes, flutter. Those of feminine persuasion reading this post are currently in a swoon, lace kerchief pressed to breast and heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird beneath. Later there will be a cage match to win you, after I revive them all with smelling salts. I am sorry that I cannot attend the match*, but I woke up at four in the morning with a brain crying LET'S THINK!!! The problem is that Clark3loyd is just not a Gothic name. Gothic names are Edward and Vladamir and Rococco and Bill. Bill is very Gothic. So is Buzz. I named my male lead Vale, because this seems very mysterious and reminiscent of the veil of death through which we will all one day pass, and I was tired of looking at baby name sites for anything else. I couldn't use Edward, since the name is inextricably entwined now in my head with vampires who glitter like Victoria's Secret Diamond Bras.
What's that you say? This post is very heterosexist? I have a male reader or two swooning at the fantasy of Clarklo3yd or 3ClakLoyz or whatever the hell your troll name is? I have a female reader who might prefer a Clark3Lydia? Well, but this is Gothic Horror, darling. I don't think they let gay people into that genre. So I win this argument. I win it because I have been up since four in the morning and I'm getting very punchy. So I am going to text Lady Friend one more IT'S TAN MOM, BITCH! to piss her off and brush my teeth with my bamboo toothbrush, and retire to my four poster bed with the burgundy curtains, and listen to the strange piano music that echoes through my house in the dark dread of night.
* Five bucks on BloodOrchid.
Last edited by Gay Panda; 06-19-2013 at 10:12 PM.
smart bet, i'll fight dirty
there's a hummingbird under my bosom already <3
yeah you are
Over the next 90 minutes, I want to show you that all of your problems can be solved with my penis.
Oh, children. It gets good at 0:32. Ninja kitten!!!