My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread53052.html
Don't forget to be awesome!
When A Misspelling Turns Erotica into Horror:
I was reading a very bad erotica sample this morning (Why? Because I like to torture myself, that's why) about a young man and woman who fall in love during basic training. He thinks she's sassy. She thinks he's keen. He wants to give her dirtypillows a nice romantic motor-boating. She decides to let him. They are hiding in the closet from their superior officers, and things are heating up.
But a letter was forgotten in the next line. What should have read 'He kissed her breasts.' was missing an r, transforming it into 'He kissed her beasts.'
And suddenly, it was a much more interesting sample. He kissed her beasts.
Last edited by Gay Panda; 04-30-2013 at 11:13 PM.
My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm!
PART ONE: Gay Panda is sick of everything.
I have hit my limit with runes, elves, zombies, sigils, fairies, vampires, concubines, artifacts, potions, fallen angels, ghostly animals, handsome strangers, psychic powers, magic necklaces, missing mothers, things that go bump in the night, and fluttering curtains in rooms without drafts.
I have also hit my limit with everything I have been eating*, and so it is time to branch out with a recipe. It is doomed to fail. This is probably not the mood with which to try something new, a mood of general boredom and vague disgust and a sense of ominous with everything, but it is the mood in which I woke up. I am not in control of that. I spent the whole night switching between bouts of insomnia and dreams of Hunger Games.**
Children, let’s Cook FABULOUSLY with Gay Panda today.
The recipe is ripped right off MDA, Crock Pot Pork Filled Peppers with a food porn picture that never recreates itself in my kitchen when I imitate it. The only way I could sexy up the food I make is by inserting a little bare leg beside the plate into the picture, but this would just leave you baffled about why I climbed onto my counter to do so, quite likely revolted to have some succulent-though-not-photogenic dish paired with a hairy leg, and thoroughly not titillated.***
Of course, I have none of these ingredients in my house, and I am feeling great trepidation about the inclusion of cauliflower. When Adam and Eve did The Bad Thing that got them cast out of the Garden of Eden, they ran through the gate ducking because their Holy Creator was hurling cauliflowers at them in anger. This is why we have cauliflowers today. They were not actually in the Garden of Eden, since that was a paradise where no vegetables were allowed. The trees were laden with fruit and mashed potatoes and Cadbury eggs and bacon-wrapped filet mignon and containers of Ben and Jerry’s Cake Batter Ice Cream. Cauliflower was something that God picked out of His nose, and decided to just go with since He was in a bad mood.****
So once I find some pants, I am heading off to Whole Foods where I will no doubt contract swine flu from the cart handle and be forced to talk to someone when I hate people and the planet feels like it is rotating in the wrong direction. I will fill my cart with pork stuffing and peppers and God’s Boogars, and sign Captain Fartface on the Magic Screen that steals money from my bankcard. Whole Foods has a lot of nerve charging for boogars, but they would probably say defensively that THESE boogars are ORGANIC.
Pants. Wallet. Boogars. I’m off.
UPDATE: (in explanation of *, **, ***, and ****)
* With the exception of YOU, Cadbury Eggs! I could never quit you.
** A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was eating a friend’s German homework. I do not know what Freud would make of that.
*** You would also be amazed at the act of contortion it took to stand on the counter and somehow bend over to take a selfie of my leg and my food with my iPhone.
**** This lesson on religion was brought to you by the letters WTF?
i too finally went through recipes after being hounded by a legion of Meh about food and was struck by fancy at one from an atkins book. so nice it did sound that i expanded it thusly; a creamy cheese, parsley, bacony bits and itty bitty diced cherry tomatoes to be spread on sliced and fried zucchini slices. but the store was out of zucchini. so i picked up an eggplant
i do not like eggplant
but i was hopeful, so i got it. i fried sliced eggplant in one pan, heated up and wilted tomato chunks in another, mixed all that up and put it on eggplant. i wish i'd just eaten it out of the bowl and pluh'd the eggplant out the back door.
so i guess what i'm trying to say is, don't eat what you don't like cause it makes the good things taste like bad things
yeah you are
if you think about it, any box could have vibrators in it
May the 4th be with you GP!
"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
"Moderation sucks." Suse
"Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
"Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield