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Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 53

  1. #521
    Gay Panda's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    PART TWO: One of her daughters was Primal Coach Kitty’s mother. She has appeared in these pages as the cat that slept in the pothole. Even prettier than the generations before, sadly, her IQ had again been halved. It led to a bright but brief life. Her first litter of kittens actually was a litter of kitten. It fell out of her as she walked across the living room. She turned and sniffed it with a ‘what the hell is THAT?’ look on her face, and then walked away in disinterest. Again, College Gay Panda’s Stealth Spay Program went into action, but it took me a while to save up enough from tips when I was also paying tuition, and she had a few litters first.

    She figured out a way to climb onto the roof and could not figure out how to get back down. Hunger held no sway over her. She would run back and forth on the roof yowling sadly for days. Finally, I would get the ladder and bring her down. After a meal and a quick nap, she’d be back on the roof pacing in confusion. Dying in the pothole was inevitable.

    And you’ve met Primal Coach Kitty. One day I will post her picture with the face that she makes whenever I play Katy Perry. She is not as pretty as her mother, but traded up an IQ point. Still, she has managed to set her tail on fire, fall through a skylight, trap herself behind the washing machine, roll off the entertainment center, and have her head sat on by Lady Friend. Primal Coach Kitty has a bad habit of waiting until you start to sit and then diving under your buttocks. Every day, I’m a brand new friend in a shiny new world, and would I like to make her bacon? And listen to her yowl in the shower for the superior acoustics? And watch her chase and attack her tail, and then cry out piteously because it hurt?

    The Stealth Spay program was in high gear by the time Primal Coach Kitty was born, and I managed to get her fixed before her genes were passed on even once. The Panda Parents had lost interest in the show hall and were just keeping the cats in cages at that point, making periodic trips to the pound to dump off a few. I fixed every single one that I could and found them other homes. The last five I took with me when I moved out, looking like some neurotic cat person at age 21 who is substituting feline love for human.

    Primal Coach Kitty had spent the first two years of her life in a cage seeing nothing but birds, and didn’t even know that people were for petting when I moved her in with me at my new place. She flopped over on the floor and stared at the ceiling for hours. Then she flopped onto the other side and stared at the ceiling for hours. I’d poke her to see if she were still alive, thinking of news features about institutionalized children with vacant stares because they sit in cribs all day by themselves. That was pretty much Primal Coach Kitty right there.

    When she stood, she moved her head jerkily, just like a bird pecking for grubs. It took years for me to convince her to be friends, and even today, she doesn’t quite get how to approach for petting. She crab-walks with her head at a funny angle until she hits my fingers. Now she’s much more animate, bitching when I’m in the shower because she wants her turn (she licks herself in the shower) and shrieking after Benign Poltergeist. It took this cat a decade to become a kitten, and her brain has permanently peaked there.

    Why is this journal entry about my cat? You know why. I dared to eat three fingerling potatoes on Tuesday, and the panda body is still in revolt. Talking about myself was too depressing today and I am in a funk. So you got a long story about nothing at all, and I apologize.
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 10-14-2011 at 09:22 AM.

  2. #522
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    I didn't expect to cry. I was caught completely off guard. I don't even like cats. Jesus.

  3. #523
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    UPDATE: (in explanation of *)

    I have met some breeders who are absolutely fantastic people. They know everything about whatever it is that they raise. Their cats are well-kept and get lots of affection and good medical care and the breeding programs are very controlled. Every kitten is found a home, not taken to a pound. Females who have produced enough litters are fixed and become pets. These breeders aren't in it for the money (good luck with that if you are), they are simply geeks for a certain breed. While this is not a hobby that I would take up myself, I don't condemn them. I know what it is to love history and want to keep it alive.

    The problem is breeders like my parents, and the legions like them. True hobbyists are outnumbered by those who are in it because A: they like the attention in the show hall; B: they think that they're going to make money; C: they think kittens are cute. Litters are produced carelessly and by the bucket load, and one particularly cruel breeder that I knew as a cub culled kittens in her freezer rather than even try to find homes. Some are kept in tiny cages and denied medical care (because vet bills reduce profit). If you don't want an animal from the pound or a rescue agency, and you are in love with a certain breed, do as much research on the business creating them as you can. Never trust the pictures on a website.

  4. #524
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yvonne PHX View Post
    I didn't expect to cry. I was caught completely off guard. I don't even like cats. Jesus.
    I'm sorry, Yvonne PHX! I actually cut out the fate of Primal Coach Kitty's great-grandmother from this post because I thought it was too depressing.

    Primal Coach Kitty is doing so much better. She has forgotten 99.9% of her life before. The .1% that she remembers is only when she is at the vet for something and is put in a cage there, and she gets this frightened glaze to her eyes that just kills me. Luckily, she is a very healthy cat and almost never has to go.

  5. #525
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    They may not be psychic, but it would seem that they have excellent vision. They can see a sucker coming from miles away :-)

  6. #526
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    Quote Originally Posted by phreebie View Post
    They may not be psychic, but it would seem that they have excellent vision. They can see a sucker coming from miles away :-)
    What's hysterical about German Alpha Friend is that in almost every other area of her life, she isn't a sucker at all! This is just her big blind spot.
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 10-14-2011 at 10:11 AM.

  7. #527
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    Ah hahahha!
    I bet Benign Poltergeist is mad at being called a Fuzzy Yellow Thing
    Pleeeaase post pics of Primal Coach Kitty!
    I love your big cat-lovin' Panda heart.
    Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
    Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

  8. #528
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    Quote Originally Posted by ottercat View Post
    I bet Benign Poltergeist is mad at being called a Fuzzy Yellow Thing
    Pleeeaase post pics of Primal Coach Kitty!
    Is that what fuels Benign Poltergeist's petty rage? How funny.

    I would love to post a pic of Primal Coach Kitty doing her I-Hate-Katy-Perry face, but it will take me a while. (Never posted a picture before and I don't know how. I may have to wait for Lady Friend in December when she learns about this journal, because she is tech-savvy and Gay Panda is not.)
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 10-14-2011 at 05:32 PM.

  9. #529
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yvonne PHX View Post
    I didn't expect to cry. I was caught completely off guard. I don't even like cats. Jesus.
    I know exactly how you feel. My cry time was several stories back, and I was completely caught off guard too, as up until then all the stories had been so hilarious, and then one story...not even a long one...made me feel like someone had reached into my chest and was squeezing my heart. It shows what a great writer we have amongst our primal community.


    I am a cat lover too. Our cats are all SPCA rescues who are neutered before they can reproduce. No specific breeding, just your everyday ordinary cats, but I sure do love them.
    Last edited by newlifejourney; 10-14-2011 at 10:23 PM.

  10. #530
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    Awwwwwww. I haven't had a cat since our last one died when I was 4 >.< However, I'm not complaining because I cannot afford any more pets. I'm going to be broke in half an hour because I need to take my remaining money out of the bank to buy hay and shavings and frozen mice. -_-

    Oh, the toils of the animal loving artist Pixie.

    Maybe if you took Benign Poltergeist to the Physics, they could counsel him and help him not to goad Primal Coach Kitty so much? Perhaps his persistant 'yo mama' jokes stem from previous Poltergeist Parenting issues?
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