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Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 517

  1. #5161
    cori93437's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    nyeeeheheheheheeeee
    Gah... that baby is so creepy.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  2. #5162
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    Gay Panda is not interesting that way.

    Mmm-hmm, you know which way I’m talking about. The 50 Shades one. Mind you, I’ve read some highly interesting shades* that other people engage in, but my personal interests are not piqued to engage in any of them myself. I do not see the appeal in dressing up like a sexy pony and having someone whip me around a driveway, or sitting without apparel on a chocolate cake from Trader Joe’s**. When my friend sent me an advertisement for a foot fetish party, in which patrons who required muddy or sweaty feet were urged to contact the SM parlor in advance so that the feet could be ‘prepared’, I burst into laughter. It made such a vivid mental image of lovely men and women walking through mud puddles and running on a treadmill before the party started, all to titillate the peculiar shade of a patron that evening.

    Gay Panda does not love cars that way (thank you My Car is My Lover documentary) or drink out of specially treated cups (let us never speak of it again) or have a relationship with a life-sized doll (I believe it was the Guys and Dolls documentary if you’re bored today). I am not married to the Eiffel Tower (was that video called Strange Love?), and that the tower married someone else did not send me into a wailing fit of rejected amore. I do not read erotic poetry on open mike night in dark bars, hoping that someone will be blown away by the passion in my couplets and slip me their digits***. There are so very many interesting shades in this world, and Gay Panda is just not interesting. The last time I wrestled in oil, I was fully dressed and hovering over the kitchen sink with a chicken carcass in my paws.

    And so I am left only with the shade of my dominatrix Mistress GERD, who visited last night and stayed for a half-hearted thirty-minute appointment in which I did not even bunch up a pillow from pain or weep my safeword banana thongs for mercy. I am no longer on her Regular Call list, and I brought this visit on myself by eating big bowls of meat chili for dinner and forgetting how much tomato was in them. So she stopped in around two a.m. for a limp whipping. I thought about pulling the copy of Joy Luck Club on my bookshelves to trigger the secret spiral staircase that descends to my shadowy basement, and lighting the thirteen wicks of the candelabra and taking the damp rail of the staircase to go down. I thought about how much energy it was going to require to pick through the graveyard of truly awful books I’ve written and then my lab where I’d have to resist cackling over beakers full of steaming green liquid. I considered how much more energy it was going to take to move the dusty volumes of witchcraft and my trusty old six-volume Demonica from the lid of the Ancient Medicine Chest**** to acquire the remedy*****.

    In the end, I did not even get out of bed. Mistress GERD and I just hung out together until it was time for her next appointment, and then she left and I fell back asleep. But this is so boring, so let’s pretend I did it hanging upside down while vacuum-sealed with several friends in layers of latex, all of us breathing through a shared purple twirly straw and with a shuffle of Enya and Nine Inch Nails and Blind Melon’s No Rain playing on the stereo.

    Now I’m up to two shades.
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 12-02-2012 at 07:27 AM.

  3. #5163
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    UPDATE: (in explanation of *, **, ***, ****, and *****)

    * The latest being cartoon train erotica, which was disturbing in the extreme. And then I wandered into a crossover tale of love starring Professor Snape and the Teletubbies.

    ** Now a sponge cake from Whole Foods . . . oh, who am I kidding? No. Did anyone else see that HBO show, which followed various shades? It was bizarre. It also made Lady Friend yell at me a lot, because I would call to tell her all about it.

    *** Oh, yes. That was intentional.

    **** In truth, I did not want to step from my bedroom to the linen closet, which is three feet away, and rustle through the bottom drawer full of old pill bottles and Stone Age cough drops.

    ***** A prescription for Tagamet that expired at least six years ago.

  4. #5164
    cori93437's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gay Panda View Post
    UPDATE: (in explanation of *, **, ***, ****, and *****)

    * The latest being cartoon train erotica, which was disturbing in the extreme. And then I wandered into a crossover tale of love starring Professor Snape and the Teletubbies.

    Oh my Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....
    Though you probably do NOT want to know about my own little Snape/Alan Rickman fantasies.

    ** Now a sponge cake from Whole Foods . . . oh, who am I kidding? No. Did anyone else see that HBO show, which followed various shades? It was bizarre. It also made Lady Friend yell at me a lot, because I would call to tell her all about it.
    Great... Now I have to find a replay of that HBO thing... I LOVE those, and don't think I've seen that one! *squeee*
    They really make me feel so NORMAL!
    Abso-freaking-lutely VANILLA I tell you.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
    ~Friedrich Nietzsche
    And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.


  5. #5165
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    Hey, hey, there is nothing wrong with Professor Snape OR Alan Rickman fantasies. (Or both? Hmm . . .) Unless they involve teletubbies. *shudder*
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  6. #5166
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Hey, hey, there is nothing wrong with Professor Snape OR Alan Rickman fantasies. (Or both? Hmm . . .) Unless they involve teletubbies. *shudder*
    Yup. Axe the 'Tubbies, just gimme mah Snape. Speaking very ... very ... slowwwwwwly ... *sneer, spin-around-flounce-off*
    I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

    Oscar Wilde

  7. #5167
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    SNAPE FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!!

    Our rivals for his hand are Sigi, drssgchic, and cori.

    Taking bets now!!!

  8. #5168
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    Well, or they could share.
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

    Owly's Journal

  9. #5169
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    No fighting?!?!? But I woke up on the fisticuffs side of the Magical Bamboo Forest!!! FIGHT! FIGHT!! FIGHT!!!

    I also texted Lady Friend to inform her that all of her written communiques should be sent to me in caps because I am hard of hearing.

  10. #5170
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    Shhhh! I was trying to give some folks the opportunity for a thoughtful pause.

    Some people go in for that, or so I hear.
    “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

    Owly's Journal

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