Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 390

[cori93437]

Owly- 100% agreement.
I ended up in an extremely abusive relationship because I was raised thinking that abuse was a normal part of relationships.
And this modeling is more frequent and insidious than most people think.
Mothers/fathers don't have to be physical to propagate the thought that abuse is pretty 'normal'. Many partners exhibit this through passive aggressive comments and manipulation.

Also... dom/sub style relationships can be written as pleasurable and desirable for both partners, not outright coercion and suppression of the other person having rights in the relationship.

[Owly]

Cori, I'm also a survivor of an abusive family and a very abusive adult relationship. I don't want to see others go through that and hope that the educational stuff I did with kids might have helped at least a couple of teens recognize abusive patterns and know how to get help.

I used to tell them that many of us don't have good examples of healthy relationships in our lives--our parents' relationships are unhealthy, we don't see good examples in the media, and many other people around us might also engage in unhealthy behaviours. A lot of kids grow up having no idea that they actually have the right to things like free and open consent, respect from a partner (or friend, or co-worker), and equitable decision making and power in their relationships.

And yeah, kink, bdsm, and other stuff can definitely be written to reflect healthy ideas about consent, pleasure, and sexuality.

[zoebird]

I think that some of us are lucky.

I was raised in a two-parent household, where both parents loved each other and did their part, and from what I can tell, was equitable in a lot of ways. I would say that my parent's relationship is fairly healthy. My husband had similar, but his parent's relationship is less healthy because of his mother's manipulation and father's passivity, but because of their "people of the lie" approach, they can never be wrong/bad, and that gets splintered off into the kids.

In fact, DH was told by FIL that until DH came along, MIL was "tons of fun and very laid back" and thus it's DH's fault for MIL's "bad behaviors" that she has now. Then also, FIL told both Dh and SIL that he "stayed in the marriage for them" and this is also a form of manipulation -- blaming them for his unhappiness with his marriage, but staying because of the kids. So, they have some really warped ideas. My SIL is in a crap-tastic relationship with her boyfriend. Both met in treatment for drugs/alcohol; she actively asked him (and veryone else at the treatment center) to not hit on her or pursue her romantically, and he did anyway. Since then, it's been a decade of stupidity and yucky-poo-ness, and most of it is DH's fault, don't you know?

Yeah, I can't figure that one to save my life.

Nevertheless, our relationship is doing ok. DH works on his stuff and I work on mine. I read twilight and enjoyed it. I could see that some things were wonky, btu they work in the conciet of the story. I mean, If my husband were made of cake, I'd be hard pressed not to eat him all gone either. I don't necessarily think that's abuse, that's story conceit that creates a tangible "dangerousness" or "bad boy" element to the story.

But again, I can read it and suspend disbelief, and also have my head on straight. And, I talked to al ot of teens about it. They understand the fantasy. What they like about it is the 'devotional quality' of the story. They really do want to be someone's "one and only until the end of all time" or whatever. So I get that.

I think that dom/sub can aslo exist without kink/bdsm. People forget that Dom/sub stuff is far more subtle -- about who has power in certain circumstances (though honestly, subs hold all of the power in actuality, but lets not get too complex). And i think if people were to depict a normal dom/sub relationship with how the whole process outlines consensually, it would be a boring story.

Stories are heightened drama. That's just what they are. Which means there has to be more of a 'somethingness' to it -- the risk of something going terribly awry.

I liked Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, and in the first book, the man beats his wife. He does this probably a handful of times through the text -- but women get beat up a lot in the text. It's contextualized, explained, etc -- and while the heroine is bothered by it (being a 20th century woman in a 18th century world), there's also a point where she excuses/makes peace with it, out of love and also not ahving any viable alternatives per se.

I question whether those scenes were necessary, but they are explained (in the text) as being contextual and important "for her safety overall" and some other something that I can't recall.

Anyway, I'm rambling now.

Perhaps people just also need to be taught how to be more media savvy? How to read and understand heightened drama and specific story motifs, rather than going "yes, that's the love that I want?"

[Sigi]

Here's a little Pandaloonery (with added Spiffy Slide-ish element) for your general entertainment:

http://www.neatorama.com/2012/07/04/...as-on-a-slide/

WHERE IS EVERYONE???

[Gay Panda]

WHERE IS EVERYONE???

Gay Panda is currently in Lady Friend's office at work because this morning there was a Battle Royale between the following contestants:

GAY PANDA'S LAPTOP vs. PORK CHOP/EGG BREAKFAST

Ironically, I was moving my laptop away from myself in order to not spill on it when I then proceeded to SPILL ON MY NEW LAPTOP. Hysteria ensued, followed by phone calls, flash showering, a long drive, alcohol wipes, prayers to Computer Valhalla, more hysteria, crossed fingers, et cetera.

But Lady Friend fixed it, although she humbly passes along the accolades to Our Savior Evaporation.

* whew *

Gay Panda needs a drink. We are going out to lunch.

[Sabine]

Our best Laptop vs Liquids battle was when my honey was holding our two month old son after his bath, just loosely wrapped in a towel. Strategic gap in the towel and ZAP! Honey was disassembling that keyboard and wiping everything down with q-tips faster than you could swing a porkchop.

[spughy]

I killed a laptop once with a gin and tonic. It was a sad, sad day. I guess the booze just hit the keyboard a bit wrong and managed to fry the motherboard.

[jenn26point2]

*knock on wood* I've never had this happen... but my kids are good at removing the keys so I think I would be ok if it ever happened... plus the dang thing gets so damned hot it would probably evaporate before they could remove said keys!

[badgergirl]

WHERE IS EVERYONE???

I started my own journal and was met with resounding silience. internetz imitates life.
*sigh*
so it's back to being a wallflower at the cool panda's house. ;-)

[Gravyboat]

I started my own journal and was met with resounding silience. internetz imitates life.

Don't worry, you're not the only one! I think Panda's so popular just because he's Panda.