Page 37 of 699 FirstFirst ... 2735363738394787137537 ... LastLast
Results 361 to 370 of 6989

Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 37

  1. #361
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Magical Bamboo Forest
    Posts
    3,346
    Primal Fuel
    PART ONE: Every shift that I worked with Roger began with him in the customers’ restroom, splashing copious amounts of oil into his hair and leaving a mess all over what had been a spic-and-span sink and floor. It was his opening volley against the customers about to abuse him. When he exited, his forehead slick and the collar of his shirt wet, he came to the break room to clock in. We held our breaths as one.

    While a fragrance can conceal a multitude of olfactory sins, they do have their limit, and he tested them on a daily basis. He bought whatever was on sale: Old Spice or Britney Spears’ Midnight Fantasy, and doused himself to cover the fact that he showered with only slightly more regularity than he did his laundry. The reason for this was that he was renting a room from an old woman who insisted that he scour the entire tub and the wall tiles after bathing, and since he didn’t want to do this, he solved the problem by limiting his exposure to the shower.

    In the tiny break room one could parse out his scents just as one diagrammed a sentence in seventh grade English grammar. The base was Old Spice or Midnight Fantasy, slapping you in the face with its strength, and an undertow of body odor as a modifier. Floating above was whatever he had had for lunch, riding out on his breath, and a subordinate clause created by his rarely laundered clothes.

    Anyone who has worked in food service can attest that it is a messy job. I never wore the same outfit two days in a row, because it was covered in stains and soaked with sweat. Roger just daubed spots with water and wore the clothes again, and again, and again. All of his money was already allocated to the man behind the counter in the liquor store, who handed over his dirty magazines in a paper sack, and so there was nothing left for the Laundromat. Just like with underwear, he had a system for socks. It consisted of wearing them twenty-four hours a day until they fell apart.

    He announced this in the tiny break room, where we crowded together folding napkins and stacking them on our large oval serving trays during the second act. I don’t remember how long he had been wearing the current pair; it was long enough that the room went silent. We peered around napkins stacked up over our heads to look at each other in horror. Then he said reflectively, “You know, when you wear a sock for that long, it stays in the shape of your foot when you take it off.”

  2. #362
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Magical Bamboo Forest
    Posts
    3,346
    PART TWO: “No, it doesn’t,” argued that brave soul.
    “Here, I’ll show you!” Roger said. He kicked off his shoe and lifted his foot into his lap, where he peeled off the sock and held it up for us to see. It was as if his foot was still in there, plumping out the filthy, natty black fabric, with several planetary rings of crust around the toe and cuff. Everyone cried out in dismay, realizing that we had just gained knowledge that we could have gone happily all our lives without knowing. Roger smiled, and then he threw that crusty, disgusting sock into our midst.

    Had a bomb gone off, it could not have caused more destruction. The sock landed in Gay Panda’s lap. All thoughts of being quiet to not disturb the show vanished; I shrieked and jumped up to get it off. The sock landed on the lap of Hairy Bob, who shouted and thrashed. He hit the tray of napkins at his side, and two hundred folded crowns went flying through the air along with the sock. The door opened and shut as Ramon fled out into the night, and the sock landed on the knee of Not Hairy Bob.

    It got no better from there. Not Hairy Bob jackknifed his knee in reflex and hit his own tray and mine. Napkins flew in every direction and utter chaos ensued of tipping trays and spilling sodas, people screaming and rushing into each other as we tried to get to the door. Roger stayed in his seat and laughed, and then our boss came in and unloaded on us for the noise. When he left, we looked about in fear for the sock. It was gone. Once the tiny break room was set back to order, the sock was still nowhere to be found. Accusing us furiously of thievery, Roger went home with only one sock that night. For the rest of that season, we all wondered what fate the Sock of Grime and Terror had met.

    Two years later, we found out. Roger had been fired by then, for helping himself to several hundred dollars in the cash register. We had a new hire that night, a guy on his first job who wanted to impress us, and he cleaned every single inch of our tiny break room. There was a cry of disgust and we went to see. He had been sweeping, and forced the broom all the way under our employee lockers. Pulling it back out, he discovered among the hairballs, utensils, and soda caps a filthy, natty black sock, crusty rings embedded around the toe and heel.

    It was still in the shape of Roger’s foot.

  3. #363
    Griffin's Avatar
    Griffin is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Edmonton, Canada
    Posts
    460
    It was still in the shape of Roger’s foot.
    Awesome - simply classic!
    You should get a job writing for Chuck Lorre!
    There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

    My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

    The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

  4. #364
    PixieKitten's Avatar
    PixieKitten is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Worcester, UK
    Posts
    468
    That's the most disgusting story I've ever read =/ Though it made me laugh at the image of all hell breaking loose in the little break room!I've done something similar, only to my dismay, it was with some popcorn that my friend threw at me while we were in a cinema. I didn't notice her throw it, thought whatever hit me was a giant spider, screamed and batted it right into the ear of the woman 3 rows down from me. My friends found it hilarious.

    I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

    I've also chipping in with a pre-emptive YES!! to the next vote for a story. I like these stories. =D
    Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

  5. #365
    annierobic's Avatar
    annierobic is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    San Fernando Valley Ca
    Posts
    30
    EEEEEEEEYUUUUUU! Thanks for the wonderfully disgusting tale. By the way, you can combine Netflix & the dreadmill if you use a laptop. I found a rack that I could rest on top of the side bars, and tied it down so it wouldn't get dislodged in case I accidentally bumped it. A table leaf, or a bread board might work for you. I have also combined typing, and the dreadmill too. I raise it to the highest incline, then set about 2 miles an hour. I really like the idea of dancing with Kitty. I would love to copy your idea...except doggy weighs 130 lbs....and so far I can only dead lift 110lbs.

  6. #366
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Magical Bamboo Forest
    Posts
    3,346
    Quote Originally Posted by PixieKitten View Post
    That's the most disgusting story I've ever read =/ Though it made me laugh at the image of all hell breaking loose in the little break room!I've done something similar, only to my dismay, it was with some popcorn that my friend threw at me while we were in a cinema. I didn't notice her throw it, thought whatever hit me was a giant spider, screamed and batted it right into the ear of the woman 3 rows down from me.
    Love the popcorn story!

    And just think, Roger handled the food of many thousands of people!

  7. #367
    bloodorchid's Avatar
    bloodorchid is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    tn
    Posts
    8,679
    i'll tell you, if i wasn't already taken..... that roger sounds like a catch
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  8. #368
    bucharu's Avatar
    bucharu is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    42
    Well, when your non-MDA writings turn into gold in the real world - after you do a speed run past Poo Hurler to get a manuscript into the lucky publisher's hands - maybe you can treat yourself to this:

    The Walkstation from Details, a Steelcase Company

    Primal: going sane.
    "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results."
    - Rita Mae Brown, though frequently attributed to Albert Einstein, Mark Twain, or Benjamin Franklin...

  9. #369
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Magical Bamboo Forest
    Posts
    3,346
    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    i'll tell you, if i wasn't already taken..... that roger sounds like a catch
    He'll always be the one who got away.

    What never made sense to me was how Roger believed that one of us had stolen his Sock of Grime and Terror that night. Sometimes I wish that I could have spent a few minutes in his head, just to learn how he thought. Why would we have stolen his sock? As a memento of our working relationship? To wear it ourselves?

  10. #370
    ottercat's Avatar
    ottercat is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    957
    PrimalCon New York
    Aah hahahahaha! I can only imagine what the chaos sounded like in the theatre!
    coincidentally, Modern Paleo Warfare just posted a warning on their blog "Never send food back. NEVER" and now I'm afraid to eat out...
    Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
    Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •