Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 20

[Gay Panda]

I was watching "The F-Word" and Ramsay was raising lambs in his backyard. He built them a little playset and they were CAPERING. Stop being adorable, damn you, you fluffy, capering, baaing, delicious, juicy........ I am a ghoul.

Because Lady Friend has a rich and varied occupational history, Gay Panda has bottlefed motherless lambs several times because of her. OH how they CAPER. One used to caper all around my car at six in the morning, with happy bleating and kicking feet . . . Lady Friend decided that she could not send the bottle babies of her herd to slaughter, and so Gay Panda gets to name them and know that they will lead long sheepie lives in lovely pastures. The one who (long ago) used to caper about my car still comes hustling over when I visit.

[beachrat]

Seriously, what is that child going to do when the real world presents itself in time?!

Well, I think nature can win out over nurture. Just like a well-raised kid can turn out to be a lying self-centered douchebag, an un-raised kid can get his act together through the school of hard knocks. What might happen is that he gets one good hard correction at some point, and realizes his parents are idiots. If he has any innate (albeit heretofore totally unexercised) good sense, he could realize (ObTalkingHeads) friends are important, then move on healthily to learn better practices and habits from there.

That can happen, and it doesn't have to be prison. In fact, for severe cases like the one you describe, it sounds likely to happen sooner rather than later. Say he gets a crush on a girl, or better yet a teacher. Or starts to admire someone cool. (Actually cool, not faux.) All he needs is an outside referential point that he respects, which enables him to see how his choices contribute to his isolation from that person or attractive peer group. It will and should be a rude shock but it's possible to absorb and learn even if it is happening for the first time.

On the other hand, perhaps they will crush him entirely and turn him into a soulless sociopath. But he doesn't sound charming enough to be a successful sociopath, so he will go to prison. Perhaps there he will find a peer group of unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled adults where he can bond. Or die.

If that's his fate, let's just hope he gets there before damaging too many other people.

I have never met a more unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled child than this one, and his parents have no idea how much harder they have made his life. No one wants to play with him, or picks him for their math group, and it's just sad. But his parents blame the school and he blames the other kids, and a big whack of the Clue Stick is due all around.

I tend to favor extremely polite but vigorous use of the Clue Bat, and as with puppies consistency is everything, but when needed don't hesitate to pull out the Logic-Spiked Clue-by-Four.


ObPrimal: Now I want goats, too. I do not need more wants!

[Pebbles67]

Yet another Gay Panda fan here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

My husband talked me into getting a pet goat about a year ago. He was adorable as a baby and has now become a big handsome fella who wishes he were a dog so he could live in the house. My youngest son named him Sonic after the sega character, but he looks more like Mario. I often wonder if we could eat him if disaster struck and food was scarce. Little does he know that I am thinking this as he looks at me lovingly while I scratch his chin. I think we would eat the cats first.

[Gay Panda]

Extreme people fascinate me. This does not mean that I deliberately seek out other people’s drama in person to liven the everyday humdrum of the Panda Household. I have not befriended Poo Hurler; relatives whose psychological fluid dynamics create a turbulent flow do not receive heartfelt holiday greetings; an ex of mine long ago became an ex precisely because of extreme behavior.

Gay Panda loves to observe at a safe distance. Lady Friend has a particularly ripe apple from the crazy tree in an old school acquaintance: a middle-class, heterosexual, married Caucasian woman who believes herself to be a persecuted minority in suburban United States. When asked by incredulous people in what way does she qualify, her evidence presented was that she was A: left-handed, and B: redheaded. Not to dismiss the plight of persecuted Ripe Apple, but Gay Panda struggles to remember the last news article about someone being stoned or arrested unjustly for these criteria. Driving while left-handed and redheaded is generally considered safe, but as Gay Panda is right-handed and strawberry blonde, perhaps Gay Panda is just being insensitive and ignorant and boorish.

Of constant merriment to me are the extreme people who live by pronouncements, rigid and insistent that their way is the only way. Should you transgress onto a different path, they take it as a personal affront and grow louder on their pulpits. They want you to know that YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. The topic can be anything from raising children to religion to sex to pushups to how to feed yourself, and just so you know, whatever else it is that you’re doing right this moment as you read Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS, someone believes that you’re doing it wrong.

Perhaps I’m fascinated because I don’t have nearly the same strength of my convictions. Primal is working for me. I’ve read the science, and it seems sound. But it doesn’t mean at Thanksgiving that I will give a stern lecture to a chunky relative that he deserves to be fat if he doesn’t take my advice. I am not 100% sure that primal will make me healthy and normal-sized, but even if I were, people are much more receptive to the message if you’re interested, visit MDA than eat primal or you’re an idiot.

So I snorted at those people who skewed the results of the US News & World Report of the top 20 best overall diets. Why be so militant in your views that you have to put down primal/paleo and boost vegan/vegetarianism? I’m pretty sure that I’m right, but I feel no need to vote against someone else’s view of right. Why artificially inflate our convictions? We should want them to stand on their own merits. If we’re wrong, then we’re wrong.

Maybe I’m the one who is wrong. I’ve certainly been wrong about things before. I was very, very painfully wrong as a cub to believe that I could roller skate down a flight of stairs. As a teenager, I held political views that now I disagree with vehemently. I’ve misjudged people, said and done stupid and unkind things; I get up every day trying to find the courage to keep looking for a publisher, and a lot of days I fail. I am a very flawed panda, and this means that I’m wrong a lot of the time.

This world is such a frightening place. Everyone wants a steady path to travel, but we’re all essentially walking through the dark. Perhaps the more afraid you are of the uncertainty under your feet, and how angry it makes you, determines how extreme you become. Ripe Apple will not even consider the possibility that she might be wrong on any issue, from politics to child-rearing, to her self-image as a persecuted minority living under fire in the USA. Ripe Apple is NEVER EVER wrong. The people who skewed the vote may be the same. They CAN’T be wrong. It’s too frightening otherwise, and they’ve committed to their path with every breath in their being. So you must be the one doing it wrong. You have to be, or they’re lost.

It is probably wrong for me to be entertained by people motivated by fear and anger. Even those of us who are not extreme as a personality type still have shades of it in our milder characters. Today I should stop being fearful that I’m never going to be successful with my books, because it makes me sad and angry to think about it. In fantasizing horrible futures that I have an extreme conviction lay at the end of my path, I end up with the paralysis of doing nothing at all. Today I should allow the possibility that I am wrong, and that there might be some other, steadier path than the one I’m traveling. So I’ll get off MDA and search for publishers, and will return next week.

[Gay Panda]

But he doesn't sound charming enough to be a successful sociopath, so he will go to prison. Perhaps there he will find a peer group of unpleasant, unpopular, and entitled adults where he can bond. Or die.

If that's his fate, let's just hope he gets there before damaging too many other people.

I tend to favor extremely polite but vigorous use of the Clue Bat, and as with puppies consistency is everything, but when needed don't hesitate to pull out the Logic-Spiked Clue-by-Four.

I love Clue-by-Four! I do think this kid will end up running afoul of the law one day, as much as I hope otherwise. Whatever he does, rest assured that he will be caught quickly (since he will promptly brag about his crime) and his parents will be in court wringing their hands (But, Judge, it's the store's fault that he stole a television!) and then when he's sentenced (But, JUDGE! It's not his fault! He's allergic to pollen!)

[sixpack-rc]

Did you see the followup where he fed their brains to his kids? They were saying "Oh, this is fluffy's brains" and such. I agree with the premise of having his kids know where food comes from. It was so far out of touch with modern life that it just seemed to clang against the normal cacophony.

I watch that show whenever I get a chance.

~rc

[Gay Panda]

Did you see the followup where he fed their brains to his kids? They were saying "Oh, this is fluffy's brains" and such. I agree with the premise of having his kids know where food comes from. It was so far out of touch with modern life that it just seemed to clang against the normal cacophony.

I watch that show whenever I get a chance.~rc

I'm going to have to see this! Oh, Netflix, is there nothing you don't have?

[Gay Panda]

Dear Bread Pushing Friend,

NO, I can't have waffles, pancakes, or muffins either! SHEESH.

Love,
Gay Panda

[geostump]

Dear Bread Pushing Friend,

NO, I can't have waffles, pancakes, or muffins either! SHEESH.

Love,
Gay Panda

You should also add to that list breaded wings, pizza, fried mushrooms, anything that includes wheat or gluten. Maybe we just need a t-shirt to wear when encountering people with a list of what we can't eat. Would make life easier. My husband has been a dick lately with me realizing that I need to just stay the hell away from gluten.

[Gay Panda]

You should also add to that list breaded wings, pizza, fried mushrooms, anything that includes wheat or gluten. Maybe we just need a t-shirt to wear when encountering people with a list of what we can't eat. Would make life easier. My husband has been a dick lately with me realizing that I need to just stay the hell away from gluten.

Gay Panda WANTS this T-shirt!!! And your husband is fired. Yes, fired. Gluten is no friend to Gay Panda either, and while this made last night's Extended Family Pizza Place Dinner a little more difficult, Lady Friend was right there going over the menu with me to find a non-gluten option.

I used to work with a teacher who 'didn't believe' in food allergies/sensitivities, and would just feed her students whatever she felt like feeding them at snack and for treats. This made Gay Panda CRAZY.