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Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 188

  1. #1871
    Gay Panda's Avatar
    Gay Panda is offline Senior Member
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    I just found a website that says iodine supplements will make me psychic.



    Dear. Valhalla. Is this the solution? WILL GAY PANDA FINALLY BE MAGICAL?!
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 03-09-2012 at 11:47 AM.

  2. #1872
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    I never suspected my trouble in acquiring magical powers was due to iodine deficiency.

    Stunned and a little upset that I may have just solved a lifelong personal plague with Dr. Google and a hippie website covered in stars and exclamation points, I considered writing a rude email to my actual doctor demanding why this information had been withheld. But as it has been years since I’ve seen my doctor, and I can remember neither my user name nor password to break into my HMO’s computer system, my doctor will have to take cover only from the energetic distaste radiating from the Bamboo Forest.

    How was I to know that I was sabotaging myself at every meal? I rarely eat anything spawned from the ocean. Once a year I order lobster at a restaurant; once a year I down shrimp. I can’t stand seaweed, I have an ambivalent relationship with salmon and most other fish, and the lesson I learned from the one mussel I ingested at age 21 was that no second mussel ever needed to follow it. I have seafood with such irregularity that I can tell you every instance in which I have had it. Even when lobster is an option at a restaurant, I hesitate at the cost and because I’m invariably there with Lady Friend who is deathly allergic to the sea. Sure that I am somehow going to cross-contaminate a serving spoon, or that the fish protein will swim through the air from my breath and into her, I worry that the evening will end with revolving lights and sirens and embarrassed explanations to the police about why my dinner companion suddenly exploded at the table. It’s easier to get the steak.

    I’ve been following the Iodine thread on and off thinking that all the problems of my body have gone to building my character. And that’s what is important. So I’m not that interested in seeing if iodine will banish my ever-low body temperature or fatigue or dry skin or extra weight or sun sensitivity or sleep problems or short attention span or other issues, or if it will improve the conditions of both my vas deferens and my uterus, as another Google list assures me that it will do. I did not know that I was in possession of both, but apparently I am. My many problems make me strong, and the thought of diminishing them and weakening my character concerns me.

    But how can I say no to the chance of becoming psychic? It’s been the dearest wish of my heart since I was four years old to have some measure of magical power, and a random website with stars and exclamation points waves this dream before me. My Iodoral tablets will arrive on Monday, and I will devise a set of magical tests to go along with the physical tests in order to gauge my improvement, if any. Lady Friend will be my impartial examiner and judge.

    I believe that we should start with mind reading, in which she holds up a playing card and I guess black or red. This means I need to go into my shed and pull down the box that has a few Beavis and Butthead playing cards inside, which is all I possess. Invisibility will be the second test, because if I can get to my mailbox down the road without any insane dog seeing me and running over to bark or bite, or any insane neighbor seeing me and coming over to yell or throw cat poo, then the iodine is working. My third test I still need to think about. (Anyone who reads fantasy knows that tests come in sets of three.) If you have a suggestion, please write it in.
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 03-09-2012 at 12:48 PM.

  3. #1873
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    Sabine is offline Senior Member
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    I told you not to.

    Awaiting the results of your iodine experiments with great excitement. If iodine can make you psychic, there might be something that can make you fly.

  4. #1874
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    bloodorchid is online now Senior Member
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    i'm thinking of a number between 9 and 11
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  5. #1875
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    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    The third test shall be telling the future. Tell Lady friend something she'll do in the near future and wait for it to come true.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  6. #1876
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    Gay Panda, while there's nothing wrong with wild hope now and then, I feel obligated to let you know that I have always eaten a lot of stuff from the ocean, living right next to it and all, and one of my child's favourite snacks is seaweed so I eat a lot of that too. Sometimes she demands miso soup "with the big seaweeds" for breakfast and I usually indulge that just so I can be smug about it to other parents. ("Oh, your kid has cereal every morning? Mine usually has a vegetable omelette but sometimes she reeeeally wants miso soup with extra seaweed. Yes, I make the dashi myself, I hate those restaurants where they just use a mix...") Anyway, despite a LOT of trying I am not the slightest bit psychic, and neither is my kid. (I hope.) I am pretty sure I am as iodine-replete as it is possible to be around here.

    It would also be churlish to point out (but I'm gonna do it anyway) that if dietary iodine makes for psychic powers, Japan could have done a LOT better in WWII.

    However, seaweed and fishies and shellfish are just YUMMY and you should eat them anyway, psychic powers or no. If you look hard enough you should be able to find Korean snacks of seaweed roasted with olive oil - in little packages (lots of packaging, fun!) of about 10 sheets each. They're like potato chips, only not. I mean, they're crunchy and salty and they taste good, but not like potatoes.

  7. #1877
    naiadknight's Avatar
    naiadknight is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gay Panda View Post
    Thanks a lot, Windows Vista just hurled all over the porch!
    Nuh uh, that wasn't my doing. She coulda taken it if she hadn't faceplanted on that last jump for the food.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  8. #1878
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    Quote Originally Posted by naiadknight View Post
    The third test shall be telling the future. Tell Lady friend something she'll do in the near future and wait for it to come true.
    I love this one. "Lady Friend, I predict that on Monday you will go to work."

    And she WILL.

  9. #1879
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    Quote Originally Posted by spughy View Post
    Gay Panda, while there's nothing wrong with wild hope now and then, I feel obligated to let you know that I have always eaten a lot of stuff from the ocean, living right next to it and all, and one of my child's favourite snacks is seaweed so I eat a lot of that too. Sometimes she demands miso soup "with the big seaweeds" for breakfast and I usually indulge that just so I can be smug about it to other parents. ("Oh, your kid has cereal every morning? Mine usually has a vegetable omelette but sometimes she reeeeally wants miso soup with extra seaweed. Yes, I make the dashi myself, I hate those restaurants where they just use a mix...") Anyway, despite a LOT of trying I am not the slightest bit psychic, and neither is my kid. (I hope.) I am pretty sure I am as iodine-replete as it is possible to be around here.

    However, seaweed and fishies and shellfish are just YUMMY and you should eat them anyway, psychic powers or no.
    Stop farting all over my cherished cubhood dreams, spughy!!!

    Since I'm so texture-averse and a supertaster to boot, I accept my limitations with sea life. However, I do like crab, so I'm going to add that into my diet as often as possible. That was my lunch yesterday and it was awesome.

  10. #1880
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    ottercat is offline Senior Member
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    I think we're all psychic, just not in very interesting ways

    i.e. "Drat, I knew I shouldn't have answered that call" and "I had a feeling the cats would barf on that dress if I left it on the bed instead of hanging it up"
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    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

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