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Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 170

  1. #1691
    Gay Panda's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    PART ONE:
    Panda, Gay. Sophomore – Fall Semester Schedule.
    Student ID: 00824509-H. Counselor: Ms. Pom Pom.
    Period 1: English 3: Room 815: Mrs. Bra-Strap.
    Period 2: History 2: Room 703: Mr. Pervert.
    Period 3: Chemistry 1: Room 412: Mr. Ca-Ca.
    Period 4: Anatomy: Room 711: Mr. Fabulous
    Period 5: Algebra: Room 414: Mrs. Awesome
    Period 6: French 2: Room 801: Mrs. Moscow

    Mrs. Moscow had exactly one classroom management skill.

    Sometimes I made tick marks in my notebook of how many times in a fifty-four minute class period she voiced her sharp but toothless bleat of stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking! STOP TALKING. Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking. It drove me crazy.

    It was quite normal for her to spend half of the class teaching and the other half trying to get the class to stop talking. But when there is no punishment, certain students felt no incentive to stop talking, and as she wrestled with them, Young Gay Panda passed notes or wrote short stories or doodled or looked out the window or colored my nails with a marker or covertly ate a snack or did algebra homework or memorized the pattern on the carpet or counted the gum wads under my desk or wondered if anyone had noticed how nicely I’d parted my hair. I watched the second hand go around on the clock. I checked my shoulders in despair of the new zits taking shape. I squirmed. I took naps. I counted the air holes in one ceiling square and multiplied it by the number of squares in the whole ceiling. I stuck the end of my pen into the heater. I read the graffiti on the walls. I connected my freckles. I prayed.

    Finally Mrs. Moscow would say STOP TALKING in such a way that the students would stop talking, and lecture would resume. My teacher for French 1 had not spoken French, and Mrs. Moscow was horrified to realize that half of her thirty French 2 students didn’t understand a single word that she was saying. Her mouth flapped at that during the first week of school, and then she threw up her hands. “Well, I don’t have time to backtrack! You’ll have to learn it on your own.”

  2. #1692
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    PART TWO: Right. I was taking English 3, World History, Chemistry, Comparative Anatomy & Physiology, Algebra, and French 2. I was on the swim team. I had weekly music lessons, daily practices, and I played in two orchestras and had gigs. Mother Panda had forced me kicking and screaming into church activities for youths during the week and weekend. I was drowning in this very full plate; I was unbelievably over-scheduled; and now I had to teach myself French 1? When? I thought of the hour I reserved as mine to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. How indulgent. I should stop watching and make that French 1 catch-up hour. But I resented that I could not have one lousy hour to call my own! Screw French. I needed my Enterprise time.

    Most of the other students were as overwhelmed as me, some even more so. French 2 took off and left half of the class forever behind. And sadly, my hearing issues are not limited to English. Not understanding the French vocabulary made it ten times worse, and her lectures transformed into boop-oux boop-oux STOP TALKING boop-oux boop-oux BOOP-oux bonjour bon appeBOOP STOP TALKING boop l’boop merci beauBOOP excusez-boop boopyboop STOP TALKING boop boop-oux BOOOOOOOOP-”

    Mrs. Moscow was displeased with us. She picked up languages with the ease that toddlers pick up ear infections, speaking English, French, Spanish, Russian, and German fluently. In her summers she traveled around the world to hone her skills further, leading to her purchase of a bright red I LOVE MOSCOW pajama dress. How does Gay Panda know about Mrs. Moscow’s pajamas? Because, children, she wore it to school. Frequently. One week, she wore it every single day. On Monday, she loved Moscow. I took little note of it. But on Tuesday, she loved Moscow again. I wondered if she’d forgotten that she’d worn it the day before. On Wednesday, she loved Moscow once more. Maybe her washing machine was broken. On Thursday, there she was, still loving Moscow in her jammies as she told us to stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking. On Friday, I couldn’t wait to get to class. She was wearing it again! Mrs. Moscow loved that damn pajama dress.

    How did the French 1-free students pass? Did they? Yes, because we all cheated. One boy had a beautiful strategy. He sat on his cheat sheet and then spread his legs to read it. I sat by the heater in the back. Our desks ran right up to the back wall and were tightly packed, so she could never sneak up behind me and usually she didn’t pace the rows anyway. I just taped my cheat sheet to the hidden side of the heater. Others did more traditional methods of hiding it in their sleeves or writing on their arms, and one was caught that way. Absolutely furious, Mrs. Moscow dragged her out the door and to the principal’s office. But there was just no other way to survive.

    Colleges wanted three years of a foreign language but I was falling farther and farther behind, and spending another year in a replay of stop talking stop talking stop talking boop-oux s’il vous BOOP stop talking boopyboop d’boop stop talking STOP TALKING boop-oux boop-OUX boop boop-boop-boop stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking stop talking was more than one young panda cub could stand.

    L’BOOP!

  3. #1693
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    boop-oux boop-oux STOP TALKING boop-oux boop-oux BOOP-oux bonjour bon appeBOOP STOP TALKING boop l’boop merci beauBOOP excusez-boop boopyboop STOP TALKING boop boop-oux BOOOOOOOOP
    Cooking Primal with Otter - Journal
    Otter's (Defunct) Primal Log
    "Not baked goods, Professor, baked bads!" ~ The Tick

  4. #1694
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    If one of my readers really does have a sneezing fetish, well then lucky duckling, be prepared to read the most exciting and erotic sentence of your life:

    Gay Panda is wearing sexyfied Lipstick Jammie Pants, and Gay Panda has a cold.

  5. #1695
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    oh no GP!!! Its going around in epidemic proportions I think! My hubby is down with it as well...his brother too. I'm not allowing myself to catch it. nuh huh...not gonna! I refuse!

    hope you feel better soon!

    PS: ottercat that was hilarious! Eddie cracks me up!
    Goal: Don't worry be happy!

  6. #1696
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    DAMMIT Lady Friend!!! REMEMBER BACK ON DECEMBER 20TH OF LAST YEAR WHEN YOU TOUCHED THE CART HANDLE AT WHOLE FOODS AND THEN RUBBED YOUR FILTHY GERMY HAND ON MY ARM?

    Well, I hope you're happy BECAUSE NOW I'M SICK.

  7. #1697
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gay Panda View Post
    If one of my readers really does have a sneezing fetish, well then lucky duckling, be prepared to read the most exciting and erotic sentence of your life:

    Gay Panda is wearing sexyfied Lipstick Jammie Pants, and Gay Panda has a cold.
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  8. #1698
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gay Panda View Post
    Gay Panda has a cold.
    Oh non! Quel dommage! Quelle horreur! Le pauvre Gay Panda!
    Last edited by Sigi; 02-23-2012 at 01:43 AM.
    I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

    Oscar Wilde

  9. #1699
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    EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep you Swine Flu laden germs over there------------->!
    In all honesty, though, Pandabutt, be safe and get well. We need you in top writing condition.
    "No fate but what we make"- Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Primal Battle Tome

  10. #1700
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    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    Quote Originally Posted by Sigi View Post
    Oh non! Quel dommage! Quelle horreur! Le pauvre Gay Panda!
    FRENCH!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Is that you, Mrs. Moscow?

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