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Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 116

  1. #1151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gay Panda View Post
    12-24-11 182.6
    01-03-12 191.0
    01-10-12 182.2

    This is a new low for the Panda!
    SQUEEEE!!! :::little happy chair-dance for Panda:::

    Well done, you! Hope that gets you re-motivated, and helps fight off the candy-aisle nightmares.
    I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

    Oscar Wilde

  2. #1152
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    Yeah Panda!!
    Everybody sing: The number's goin' down doobie do down down! We watch 'em goin' down doobie do down down!
    5'2"
    SW 147 lbs 12/26/11
    CW 122
    Goal weight 115? 120? I'll know when I get there.

    "When I've fallen off dietary wagons before, the wagon stops, backs over me and leaves me for dead in the ditch. On PB, I can fall off, hang on with one hand, hold a cookie in the other, throw half away, and get right back on." ~Ottercat

    Writing on the Cave Wall - my Primal Journal

  3. #1153
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    PART ONE:
    DEBAUCHERY: GOOD MORNING, GAY PANDA!!!
    GAY PANDA: This is getting really old, Debauchery.
    DEBAUCHERY: REMEMBER WHEN WE STARTED THE DAY WITH LUCKY CHARMS???
    GAY PANDA: Yes. Cereal was one of the only safe things to eat in my college cafeteria.
    DEBAUCHERY: LET’S PUT ON KE$HA AND DRIVE TO THE STORE FOR CEREAL!!!
    GAY PANDA: SHH! Don’t tell everyone I listen to Ke$ha! Her lyrics are horrible and she needs a haz-mat team to force her into a flea dip and hot bath.
    DEBAUCHERY: YOU STILL SING ALONG TO ‘WE R WHO WE R’!!! LOOKING SICK AND SEXYFIED!!!

    Meat was a regular part of Young Gay Panda’s diet, and that did not change until college. Perhaps my school was stealthily trying to turn us into vegetarians by making the meat so unappetizing that no one would touch it. It was certainly effective. The salad bar was freshened regularly, crisp green leaves spilling out of the serving tray, bowls of sliced carrots and radishes and celery with curved black ladles jutting out at the sides, and an orgy of kidney beans spooning each other in dark red perfection. Springy-skinned cherry tomatoes bubbled over the rim of their bowl and the croutons had been baked to a good hard crunch. There was always a selection of dressings, promptly refilled when one ran low.

    The cereal bar was no less glorious, a dozen silver-lidded clear jugs filled with contents ranging from Raisin Bran and Cheerios down to Lucky Charms. I drifted often to Lucky Charms, filling my bowl to the top and proceeding to eat every oat piece out of it in order to save the marshmallows for last. Then I divided them by color, my spoon swimming the yellow moons together in one corner and the blue diamonds to another, the red balloons bobbing in the middle while I ferreted out the purple horseshoes. Once segregated, I ate them that way*. It was rare to see one of those jugs scooped to the bottom, and every morning they were bursting again.

    And then there was the meat.

    Dear Valhalla. It was like the kitchen had a personal vendetta against protein, because they punished every strip of meat that came their way as if it had committed the most heinous of crimes. Then they passed the results along to us, students who paid $30,000 a year for the chance to munch on tasteless chicken so over baked and dry that it got stuck in your throat. Gay Panda loves chicken breasts, but theirs were no longer recognizable. I stopped eating chicken. Pork has never been my favorite, and it was also overdone and often paired with bizarre sauces. I stopped eating pork.
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 01-11-2012 at 07:41 AM.

  4. #1154
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    PART TWO: Of the crimes that the chicken, the pig, and the cow had committed, it was the last whose offenses must have been the worst. Discolored chunks of beef poked up like reefs in a swamp of murky liquid within the hot tray, which bubbled at sporadic and resentful intervals. Often the liquid had a scaly skin, and when broken, strips of it hung from the ladle and trailed drops through the air. Once on a plate, the skin curled together and sulked. It goes without saying that I stopped eating beef. But the coup de grace was the day I ferried my plate to the hot bar and observed a tray of gray meat. There was no sign labeling it, and so I asked the Serving Biddy behind the counter from what animal it originated. Tiredly, she said, “I don’t know, honey. Do you want one scoop or two?”

    And so a near vegetarian was born. I got out of the habit of eating meat right then and there, saving it only for restaurants. Gay Panda graduated from college $25,000 in debt and got a job that paid $6 an hour, so I did not go to restaurants often. After I moved out of my parents’ house and started grocery shopping for myself, I bought what was cheap. What is cheap is carbohydrates, and how lovely! It says right on the box of Cheerios that they are heart-healthy. Meat was full of fat and fat was bad and meat was expensive, so I didn’t often buy it. My reasons for my near vegetarianism were 5% Principles (killing animals for food is cruel) 5% Health (the fat in meat will make me fat) and 90% Economic (what a tight ligature I choked within at the time).

    I don’t honestly think that my college was plotting to make its student body into vegetarians, but if one looks at it cynically, perhaps from the perspective of someone running a business, my cafeteria makes sense. Cereal is cheap. Salad is cheap. Meat is expensive. If the meat looks less appetizing than the cereal and salad, customers will naturally drift to the latter items. And we did in droves, deciding to become vegetarians or vegans or just live off beer and Taco Bell’s sixty-nine cent burritos.

    DEBAUCHERY: LET’S GET BURRITOS FROM TACO BELL!!!
    GAY PANDA: No.
    DEBAUCHERY: I’LL TELL EVERYBODY THAT YOU LISTEN TO BACKSTREET BOYS!!!
    GAY PANDA: Go ahead.
    DEBAUCHERY: AND YOU LIKE THAT WEIRD SONG VANILLA TWILIGHT!!!
    GAY PANDA: Oh, that’s low. Anything else you want to share, muffin?
    DEBAUCHERY: I LIKE MUFFINS!!!

    It’s going to be a long day.

  5. #1155
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    UPDATE: (in explanation of *)

    * While trying to be cool by smoking and listening to the music everyone else did, College Gay Panda never considered that these efforts to fit in were being undermined daily by eating this way.

  6. #1156
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sigi View Post
    SQUEEEE!!! :::little happy chair-dance for Panda:::

    Well done, you! Hope that gets you re-motivated, and helps fight off the candy-aisle nightmares.
    And of course today I bounced back up. Damn you, body!!! ::: shakes fist :::

    Worst. Dream. EVER.

  7. #1157
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    Quote Originally Posted by anjelevil View Post
    Nice one,wish I could have it fall off like that.A new low to boot!Go Panda!
    I was totally surprised at how fast it fell off! It's never happened that quickly before.

    Now if I could only kill these infernal cravings . . . they persist despite everything!

  8. #1158
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    Quote Originally Posted by PixieKitten View Post
    Way to go Panda! Woo Hoo! =D
    I want to print your picture of this journal, frame it, and hang it on my wall! I LOVE THAT PICTURE!!!

  9. #1159
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    Quote Originally Posted by gay panda View Post
    l'eggs and i would like to extend the olive branch, lady friend. Actually, l'eggs is extending eight of them and i will make you a pork chop. Let's go to whole foods together, all three of us. You can push the cart and i will let l'eggs sit on my shoulder, because no one with a tarantula on his or her shoulder ever has to wait in line at the cash register. You hate waiting in line and l'eggs will end that misery for you. Also, i will outfit l'eggs in an array of cunning hats. No one can resist a tarantula in a beret! And just wait until you see the jester's cap! It comes with eight matching booties with jingles. How about i dress l'eggs in that and then the jingles will warn you when our little friend is creeping too close?

    Lady friend and gay panda and little l'eggs . . . Our family will be unconventional but bound with ties stronger than the silk that unravels from our spider's feet. How can you say no?
    swine flu.

  10. #1160
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    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Friend View Post
    swine flu.
    You are a fiend and a scoundrel, Lady Friend. L'eggs tips his hat to you.

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