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Thread: Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS page 108

  1. #1071
    PixieKitten's Avatar
    PixieKitten is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Happy new year, Panda! Hope the Fairy of Remorse has quietened down now!!
    Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

  2. #1072
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    Nor is the Fairy of Remorse, a thin little no-nonsense man in a sensible business suit, who never loses his composure and whose legs are always crossed at the ankle. He doesn’t fidget or sing or make lists for Whole Foods; he just sits with me as I lay in bed and says unhelpful things like I told you so.
    Do they make ear plugs for Pandas?
    There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

    My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

    The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

  3. #1073
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    On rare occasions, pain and misery can be gifts.

    Yesterday evening, I finally dragged my sorry carcass out of bed and staggered around Whole Foods with a swine flu ridden cart and my three Hydrocodone Hallucination Shoulder Fairies. The Fairy of Debauchery had my left shoulder all to herself, upon which to tie Twizzlers together into a lasso that would stretch to the shelf of chocolate. Hydrocodone renders Gay Panda sleepy and stupid and prone to suggestion, so as she cheered me on to move closer so that her lasso could reach, I contemplated the array of candy bars and thought a little wouldn’t hurt. I can control myself. Just one . . . or two . . . and Debauchery burped and banged her mug of ale against my ear and shouted, “OR THREE!”

    Thank Valhalla for my humorless librarian-like Fairy of Resolve, who has the emotional range of an Excel Spreadsheet, and who pointed out briskly that chocolate was not on the grocery list. I pointed out that rigidity is one of Gay Panda’s flaws, and in the interest of flexibility, chocolate could be added to the list. The Fairy of Resolve turned over the matter to the sanctimonious Fairy of Remorse, and I knew my game was clever but lost.

    REMORSE: Really, Gay Panda? You spent the whole day in bed moaning in pain and you think that it’s a good idea to buy a chocolate bar?
    GAY PANDA: I don’t really have problems with sugar very often. Look back at Resolve’s Excel Spreadsheets on my daily menu. Do I, Resolve?
    RESOLVE: Gay Panda does not often have problems with sugar control.
    DEBAUCHERY: COME ON, GAY PANDA, TWO MORE FEET AND I CAN NAIL THAT BAR OF CHOCOLOVE!!!
    REMORSE: That isn’t the point. Your body is on total overload. You’re going to make yourself even more sick, and I’m going to have to listen to you whine. Not only that, every unfortunate who clicks on Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS is going to read your whines, and-
    DEBAUCHERY: SHUT UP, REMORSE, WE’RE ALMOST TO THE CHOCOLOVE!!!
    REMORSE: -no one likes a whiner! You’re nauseated from the medication that you took for your headache, you’re so bloated that your jeans are cutting into your waist, and we won’t discuss publicly what is going on in the can or on the scale.
    GAY PANDA: I don’t see my favorite flavor of Chocolove.
    DEBAUCHERY: LET’S GET GUMMY BEARS THEN!!!
    RESOLVE: We have an entire grocery list to get through, and Whole Foods closes soon.
    GAY PANDA: Ugh, I feel sick.
    REMORSE: Great, Gay Panda. Let’s buy candy so you can feel sicker. We’ll stop at Taco Bell on the drive home, too, and Domino’s for good measure. Tomorrow morning we’ll make pancakes. And then you can go back to being 231 pounds of panda. You loved being 231 pounds! So get started with gummy bears and go from there. I’m in if you’re in.
    DEBAUCHERY: I’M IN!!!
    GAY PANDA: I hate all of you.

    So where are we today in Carb Flu Country? The headache is mostly gone. I’m still retaining so much water that I can feel it in the panda belly. My body has no idea what it wants, carbohydrates or fat, pancakes or steak, it’s hungry but it isn’t, I’m exhausted but I slept, I can’t focus on my work yet somehow managed to write an entire post about imaginary fairies. My fridge is stocked with meat, making food choices for the next few days easy, and unless the pain hits that same unreal peak of yesterday, I refuse to take any more medication.

    REMORSE: If you’d eaten better on your road trip, you wouldn’t have needed to take it at all.

    Always the last word, huh, Remorse?
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 01-04-2012 at 04:03 PM.

  4. #1074
    Gay Panda's Avatar
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    Bow down before primal overlord kitty!!!!!
    PrimalCoachKitty..jpg
    Last edited by Gay Panda; 01-04-2012 at 02:15 PM.

  5. #1075
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    namelesswonder is online now Senior Member
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    Is that our beloved Primal Kitty? Looks like she's saying "BACK TO WORK, SLAVE" or "EAT YOUR STEAK, PANDA" or "WHERE THE HELL IS MY BACON?"
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #1076
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    Good to see you're still chugging along Gay Panda friend. Cute kittie by the way

  7. #1077
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    drssgchic is offline Senior Member
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    Of course you wrote a whole post about your shoulder fairies instead of work- I guarantee it was more interesting!

    I love coming here for my daily chuckle- even if it's just the way you string the words together.

    Feel better!

  8. #1078
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    Quote Originally Posted by drssgchic View Post
    Of course you wrote a whole post about your shoulder fairies instead of work- I guarantee it was more interesting!

    I love coming here for my daily chuckle- even if it's just the way you string the words together.

    Feel better!
    +1!
    "Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." Kurt Vonnegut
    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
    "Moderation sucks." Suse
    "Wine is a vegetable." Meaty
    "Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow and the day after that." Cmdr Chris Hadfield


    Winencandy

  9. #1079
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    i love your fairy of debauchery, hr advice is terrible tho. gummy bears? chocolate? no. nerds and grape fanta and pizza and chinese! wheeeee

    also, HELLO KITTEH
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Over the next 90 minutes, I want to show you that all of your problems can be solved with my penis.

  10. #1080
    Gay Panda's Avatar
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    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Is that our beloved Primal Kitty? Looks like she's saying "BACK TO WORK, SLAVE" or "EAT YOUR STEAK, PANDA" or "WHERE THE HELL IS MY BACON?"
    Yes, that is Primal Coach Kitty! She's fifteen years old but mentally plateaued around four months, and spent part of yesterday trapped in Narnia because she sneaked into the pantry while the door was open and then hid behind the jug of olive oil as the door was closed. Then she played battering ram with my leg as I was walking to the laundry room, and capped it off by falling for yet another of Benign Poltergeist's yo-mama jokes. The war cry at 4 a.m. rang through the house. She is both wonderful and tiresome.

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