The bitch is back! Primal journal, round 3.
I should probably dig up my two old journal threads and kill them, but eh. Lazy. I'll do it later.
I need a journal to keep my head straight about what I'm trying to do with this WOE and lifestyle modification in general.
I don't want to go through my whole life story here yet again, so here's the highlights:
-Both sides of the family are chubby and sedentary, but only a few are truly obese.
-My family eats the SAD. I'm a weirdo with the weird diet. Whatever, haters gotta hate.
-Depression, diabetes, cancer scattered here and there. I seem to get the more severe forms of all of the above. Except the cancer. Knock on wood.
-I like the drugs and the drugs like me. Except I don't drink, never tried pot, turned down various multicolored pills until people stopped asking, and I'm straightedge.
-except for caffeine.
-normal if very moody kid even with the SAD in full effect, didn't get chubby until I hit puberty, self-medicated underlying mood disorders caused (likely) by SAD with the SAD. As modeled by my immediate family. Never got into alcohol like everyone else, sugar is my booze. Routinely the only sober person at the table. (I remember EVERYTHING.) Dabbled with anorexia when I decided I didn't want to be fat anymore and it was 1996 and no one seemed to have a clue about nutrition other than Atkins. Not that Atkins was much better. Anorexia evolved into bulimarexia. (Anorexlima?) Got into Zone, then Julia Ross, then Tom Venuto's programs to treat weight issues and now-evident serious brain chemical issues. Finally got hauled by the scruff of my neck to a shrink. Shrink diagnosed depression, dysthymia (double depression! lucky me) and adult ADD.
-I actually like these shrink drugs and the shrink drugs like me.
-Wellbutrin zapped my ED and my depression. Trazodone does something less obvious, but it's something good. I am now indifferent to sugar and grains. Brain chemistry is a bitch. Amino acids + meds are actually pretty wicked. I'm now a walking pharmacy and I don't care, la la~. Shrink sez that someone who has had chemical issues since early childhood is now so neurologically set in these patterns that they must stay on drugs for life.
-Whatever, I never met a drug I didn't like. Also: universal health care and the government pays for all the shrink meds. Even if I had to pay for it all myself, it's still cheaper than trying to medicate with crap carbs.
-Hesitant to go on adderall (it's speed, okay?) But will if I have to.
-ED continues to be in cessation. I continue to maintain my goal weight. I eat 100g of carbs daily, exclusively from vegetables. I like my diet. Vegans continue to lecture me about the carbon footprint of eating animals, but I can't live on tofu, okay? Various doctors think I'm going to die of saturated fat poisoning and grain deficiency (lol!) I can clearly discern between actual physical hunger and sinking brain chemistry now, so I eat moderately with ease. I take pills.
-Got into primal, ironically, while in the absolute nadir of my ED. I stumbled on the site when Jezebel.com went after Mark for suggesting(!!!) that it's not perfectly healthy to be fat(!!!!) Like, omg. Perish the thought. Quietly read the site instead of feign outrage to keep the fat acceptance crowd off my back. Decided that Mark had some good ideas. Never much liked grains anyway, and knew that sugar was shite for me. Bought the book. Liked it. Now I dabble significantly in Primal, mix in other stuff. I have no interest in dietary purity, I'm a cafeteria Catholic through and through. (Except for the being agnostic part.)
I lost the ability to work out at all beyond walking about... four weeks ago? I think I've depleted my liver glycogen finally. I'm a little more spacey now, so I think I may be bleeding through to CNS glycogen issues. Ketones are allegedly able to cover this... in most people. I struggled to haul the groceries across town the other day, and that used to be no sweat. General weakness. I may need more carbs. I find grains and potatos and squash too heavy (and dull as fuck), so I'll try fruit.
Gonna give the carb cycling a whirl before I go on the speed. Its possible I just need more carbs, not more drugs. Shrink is on board with this. This is Vancouver, she's probably just relieved that I'm not a vegan like 90% of her patients.
But right now, I'm on day 40(!) since my ED went poof like it was nuked from orbit. I'm really enjoying not being depressed for once, I swear to god I've been depressed for 20-odd years and I just never noticed because I never felt good or happy or energetic EVER. I should do that carb cycling thing soon, shrink wants to see the effects and figure out if it's speed time for me, or not.
But I just don't feeeeeel like it. Yet. I think I'll stay with the vegetables for a few days. I've got to get on with it, but eh. I'm with St. Augustine right now. Make me good... but not yet! lol.
Current primal diet shakes out to be about:
About 1500-1600kcal, which is fine while I'm not doing much other than some light walking. But when I start running again, I'll have to kick it up to about 1800kcal, probably.
Generally either not hungry or only mildly hungry.
No starchy veg or grains, don't feel like it.
No fruit, just kinda got out of the habit.
Ditto for dairy.
Stevia. If it's wrong, I don't want to be right.
Cocoa, unsweetened. Gimmie my chocolate and no one gets hurt.
Mostly saturated fat from eggs, pork, beef. Some omega 3s from fish, olive oil.
Thank god for summer and produce being in season.
I picked about five million wild blackberries today. I can see why Grok sent his kid to do this, those blackberry bushes are lethal with the thorns.
Last edited by CandylandCanary; 08-28-2011 at 05:33 PM.
Getting my Grok on in the Pacific Northwest.
"C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."
"Cookie is a sometimes food."
"Sometimes cookie monster eat APPLE instead of COOKIE. Sometimes eat CARROT."
-Cookie Monster, partially reformed sugarholic