Mellabella's Meaty Meanderings page

[Mellabella]

So here I go.....

I've been a voyeaur for several months now and thought it was time to actually join in! I'm a 33 year old mother of two daughters, divorced (ok, ok almost....), and professionally employed in a job that keeps me traveling about 3 - 4 days per week, 5 out of 6 weeks. I've always struggled with my weight like so many of you. Growing up I was the chubby little girl who hid Little Debbie and Hostess treats in my bedroom and would eat them by the boxful in a weekend. I sought comfort in food throughout my entire life. When I went to college I was skinny, skinny weighing less than 100 pounds. I had achieved that through severe calorie restriction and anorexia. And it lasted about ten minutes! By the time I was in my mid 20s I was married (mistake ) and heavy! I am 5'1" and weighted around 155.

I got pregnant in my late 20s and was my highest weight at around 165-170. After I gave birth to my daughter I decided that I now had a responsibility to my daughter to develop a healthy relationship with food and take better care of myself. Through CW and crazy cardio I dropped the weight and by the time I was pregnant with my second a mere year later I was down to 130. I gained a respectable 30 pounds with my second daughter and after she was born began to drop the weight in the same way. It was always a struggle and I had a classic addiction to sugar, sugar, sugar....carbs, carbs, carbs. It was a vicious cycle of cravings, feeling deprived, giving in, and then feeling guilty.

In January of 2011 I started working with a trainer for the first time. I had moved out of my house and we had started our divorce. She introduced me to strength training for the first time. I was hooked! She also tried to get me to go on this detox and then crazy restrictive diet. I didn't but I knew I had to try something new. One weekend I was researching on the internet and stumbled on this website. That was April. It all made sense to me! And that's when I began primal. The first month I followed the diet plan pretty consistently. The rest of it....eh, probably not so much.

It's now August 21st and I would say I'm primal at best 50% of the time. I lift heavy things, I move slowly (although not enough), I keep my brain stimulated, and I try to get sunlight every day. My main challenges:
1. Sleep..... Sometimes it's good. But since the divorce I would say I suffer chronic insomnia. I do notice when I'm stricter with my diet I sleep much better. But, my travel often takes me through different time zones, business dinners and early morning meetings. That coupled with the stress I currently have as a result of my personal life just makes this a challenge.
2. Stress.... It really has been a tough year. Most days I just try and focus on the fact that I've gotten out of bed every morning, been a good mom, gotten a promotion at work, and not gained weight. Things will get better. Everything is temporary. But, for now, my life is what it is.
3. I eat out A LOT! That's what happens when you live in a hotel. When I'm home I cook with coconut oil, butter, and olive oil. Who the heck knows how my food is prepared when I'm out. I have no problem ordering off menu but have yet to request the method of cooking.
4. I'm still a sugar addict. I'll be perfect for a day or two and then I cave. Last night I had two sugar cookies that the girls and I made and a small scoop of ice cream. I was up half the night because my tummy was SOOOO sick. And that's really why I decided to start this journal today. I need some accountability.
5. Play more. I play with my girls on the weekends but I need to learn to incorporate more fun into my life even when I'm traveling. It's important for my sanity and for my health. (I seriously do work too much.)

Currently I weigh in at 119 pounds and fit into a size 4 - 6 depending on the brand. I recognize that this probably seems "small" to many people, but really there is quite a bit of padding on me. I have muscle definition but still have held on to quite a bit of fat. My goal isn't to lose weight. I no longer focus on that (what an accomplishment to be able to say that!!!). My goals are:
1. More muscle definition and less fat (LOOK GOOD NAKED, not just in clothes)
2. Kick the sugar habit! Stay true to primal.
3. Get more consistent sleep and rest.
4. Play more.

Overall, I just want to take care of myself. The next few months are going to be even more stressful. Divorce wrapping up, my ex is moving in with his girlfriend and my daughters will be far away from me for now. So, here I am. Trying to hold myself accountable because the end result will be a better, healthier me!

[Mellabella]

All in all a really good Sunday despite the fact that I was awake from 2:30 am until a little after 5am. And my 4 yo woke up around 6:30a. She is so sweet. She will come into my bedroom and crawl into bed, cuddle with me and then give me a kiss. Then she goes and turns on the TV in the living room, after closing my door. I always wake up but it's still so sweet.

Breakfast - 2 eggs cooked in butter and 3 slices bacon
Lunch - pot roast leftovers and roasted brussel sprouts (one of my faves); a third of a banana with almond butter (LOVE almond butter)
Dinner - meatza....my first time making it. I used 85% ground beef, 3 types of cheese, spinach and spaghetti sauce. It was delish. I do need to make sure I keep sugar free pizza/spaghetti sauce around though.

Oh, and a glass of wine.

The girls and I went for a SLOW walk this morning. My 2 yo always makes sure our walks are super slow. She is in her own world and likes to admire every single flower on our way and say "quack" to the ducks in the river. Then we went shopping and got my older one her first day of preschool outfit and a new backpack. She is so excited. After lunch and nap time we had a spa day. Facials, manis and pedis.

And, I rested. On the weekends I usually lay down with the girls during nap time. Prior to going primal I would almost always fall asleep for a good hour. I don't anymore. I rest for a little while and then get up and just relax until after nap. I will miss nap time as they get older.

Now, time for Nemo and cuddling. No matter what else is going on in my life, one thing is for sure....I am so, so lucky to have those two little girls. They are my sweet, sweet angels.

[Glamorama]

Hi and welcome. I've just done the Leptin-reset, and I'm wondering if that might be a helpful thing for you to do? It helps with the sleep and sugar-cravings. I'd take Natural Calm or a magnesium-supplement before bed too, that might improve your sleep alot.

[Mellabella]

What's Natural Calm? I've def seen the leptin reset all through the forum. I've considered it for sure. Thanks!

[Glamorama]

What's Natural Calm? I've def seen the leptin reset all through the forum. I've considered it for sure. Thanks!

I just finished after 6 weeks and was lucky to reach LS quickly. I was really bad with sugar and cravings, hence I'd put in my 2 cents worth. I have had no cravings since sorting out my hormones.

[Glamorama]

Natural Calm is a sleep-aiding consisting of natural ingredients such as magnesium.

[Mellabella]

Thanks Glamorama!

I got an amazing 9 hours of sleep last night. It's amazing the power of sleep!! My plan for today is...
B - 2 scrambled eggs, pot roast and brussel sprouts
L - Salad with romaine, spinach, peppers, artichoke hearts, avacado, tomato & full fat greek yogurt with almond butter and berries
D - leftover heroin wings & maetza with some veggie.....

Yummy day!

[canio6]

I have nothing to add besides saying, "Welcome" and that your journal name rocks.

[Mellabella]

A pretty good day food wise. I ate the plan but then added a piece of Lindt 86% chocolate and a glass of wine. I actually tracked and the calories are high. I know I shouldn't track and I usually don't. Whenever I feel like I'm slipping I will track for about a week just to hold myself accountable. It usually helps. I'll prob track for a few more days and then be good. It really does make me reconsier eating things I know will make me feel icky!

And no, the day was not perfect. But, I'm actually quite proud today. It was a bad day....found out I've been driving without car insurance because my soon to be ex lost his license a few months back and got kicked off the insurance. We were still on the same policy apparently so they cancelled the policy...a flippin month ago. Talk about unexpected stress. It just doesn't end with this situation. ...this too shall pass...everything is temporary.... (that's my mantra) Anyway, I'm an emotional eater and I'm happy I didn't hit up the peanut butter M&M jar in the office.

[Mellabella]

It's almost 5am and I've been awake since 2:30am. I never suffered insomnia like this until the past year. It will get better. It has to get better. I'm just tired of being tired. My tummy has been hurting. And I'm feeling quite bloated. It's probably coming up to TOM which contributes. My food choices have been good the past few days. If I think back to the two days where my tummy was really hurting they have this in common: high fat (like really high, higher than normal) and white wine. I'm cutting out the white wine. I'm usually a red drinker but when it's hot I tend to go to white. It's starting to cool down so I can switch back over to red but I think I will go a few days without any. I don't have a problem, but I do enjoy a glass while I am cooking! But, I should probably save it for 2 - 3 times per week, 1 glass. (I rarely drink more than one glass...I'm a lightweight!) And the fat, between the maetza, the heroin wings and maybe even the pot roast, my fat intake has been insanely high. I think I will try some leaner meats more often than not. I know fat is good for me and I won't cut it out. But, I also know that my tummy is not happy with me so I need to experiment until I find what works for my body!

Oh, and this afternoon I played! I went for a walk during work with a co-worker. It's so nice not to be traveling this week. In fact, I think I will be able to not travel a lot for the next few weeks which will be a great way to recharge. So much going on in my life...I need to take care of myself. Anyway, I had to come home early today and so before dinner, I took my girls outside to the park and we ran around and just played in the sun. The weather was perfect. Not humid, warm but not hot, sunny. It was great. I did notice though that my energy was a bit lacking. I'm work out regularly typically lifting weights 2 days per week, sprints 1-2 days per week, and light cardio 2-3 days. Today though, in the park, I felt exhausted. I'm guessing it's a combo of stress, fatigue and my body changing from burning carbs to fat considering I had not been true to my healthy eating the past few weeks. Every time I slip back into old patters, it's like starting all over again.

I should be able to walk again today during lunch. Then, maybe get outside with the girls before dinner again. It's nice to be able to do that with them. Although, sometimes I am just so, so tired. It's nice to have them all week. Also very rare. I feel really spoiled this week.

I can't believe I actually have to get up in an hour..... Another day without sleep. Blah.