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Thread: Primal Journal-deMuralist page 383

  1. #3821
    demuralist's Avatar
    demuralist is offline Senior Member
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    Now that mine are going off to college, I feel like I will be able to change the habit back to a dinner table when they come home to visit. When my daughter is home for dinner, she, my son, and I generally sit at the table to eat. My DH will join us on occasion, but he doesn't see the advantage so it is a chore for him. When it is just he and I, I will, every once in a while, decide that I am going to eat at the table and he can join or not, but it doesn't feel pleasant. I don't want to be defiant or stubborn, I just want to enjoy my dinner without having to listen to the news. So I need to work on my attitude. He is very unlikely to join me, so I need to get to a place mentally where I can feel like it is pleasant. It is totally my attitude, I just need to work on it. When I lived alone, I sat at a table, alone, to eat my dinner and it was pleasant. I just need to get back to that attitude.

  2. #3822
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    RMS123 is offline Senior Member
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    Does it help, Chris, to set the table nicely? If I'm alone, I pull out a nice dish, and glass, and my cloth napkin (okay, we use those everyday). I set the table, maybe light a candle.

  3. #3823
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    we use cloth as well. The issue is that I am eating at the table while he is sitting in the living room watching tv. So it feels more like I am being a bitch or being stubborn than that I just want to be comfy. But it is in my head. I will try it tonight and just eventually I will get used to it, and maybe he will join in. If I sit in the dining room it seems really bitchy, but in there I can turn on music. It feels less bitchy if I sit at the table in the great room, but then I am in the same room with the tv and the news (or whatever). Currently, the dining room table is a staging area for DS's college stuff so no where to eat there.

    Anyway, it is totally in my own head and I am a big girl and I can get over it and quit using excuses if I decide to do so. And, I do. I think I will clear a space in the dining room, wanna hear music.

  4. #3824
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    honeybuns is offline Senior Member
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    Any way you can dine outside in the nicer weather? We are enjoying having Happy hour outside lately and if I had my druthers I would love to be outside with dinner, too, with or without him.
    Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

  5. #3825
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    Not easily. It is actually pretty warm and very buggy right now. But I like the idea for fall and spring. Even for mild winter nights since we have a fire pit.
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

  6. #3826
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    I would find having to watch the news a chore. Especially local news - it would entirely ruin my dinner and put me in a bad mood. Of course if I ate in the dining room, I would feel like I needed to use the nice crystal and china too ... and then I would need wine ...

    We used to all sit at the table, but lately we've been watching movies while we eat. It drives me crazy - partly because I like to be at the table and talk, but mostly because where the kids sit at the coffee table is so gross! We ate in the kitchen tonight and I felt like I was being a bitch as I had to drag everyone in there, but I've decided I don't care DH pointed out that we eat breakfast and lunch together every day (he is teaching at night over the summer) so at least we have done that.

    I think I've convinced DH to watch the Mosley PBS series with me Thanks so much for rec'ing them - they little I've seen so far looks great. Gonna see if the library has the book as I'm supposed to be on a book spending hiatus.
    Laurie

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    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread88988.html

  7. #3827
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    Sabine is online now Senior Member
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    I love that we still have our family dinners. Yesterday my Honey and I had a just the two of us meal, still at the table, but just eating and easy conversation. No having to throw out 'starter questions', which is still sometimes necessary with two teenagers.

  8. #3828
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    Laurie, I would not bother to buy the book. It is such a simple plan that I don't know how they stretched it into a book. Plus, once you start you will adjust it to fit your needs. The videos tell you all you need to know and why to do it.

    And you obviously get where I am coming from with the 'dragging everyone to the table'. What happens is that it is so obvious he doesn't want to be there that he is sullen while he sits there and doesn't join the conversation. The kids are fine, once there, but it is obvious torture for him. We used to always eat together at the table. When the kids were younger, he worked 7 days a week but always managed to get home in time for dinner. Once we moved here and he got admin duties added to teaching and research well, he rarely makes it home before 6:30. Then he needs the cocktail or two to unwind and by the time he is ready for dinner everyone else is done and on to something else most nights. Heck, I am usually ready for bed! Anyway, we will work it out somehow. I probably need to get him off to work earlier again. I don't really think he works many more hours now, he just has shifted his whole day an hour and a half later. And since he has longer days than the rest of us and does an hour at the gym in the middle of every day, he is off kilter with everyone else's schedule.

  9. #3829
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    Sounds like we have LOTS in common on work issues! The Professor took a huge paycut three years ago when he stepped down as Associate Dean at one university to go back to teaching at better university. It has made money tight (not so tight that I can complain!), but I was at the point that I didn't care if he had another job lined up or not. It was a really big deal because he was one of the youngest ever in that type of position (he was 35 when appointed), but it was killing our family life and him!

    This summer has been super strange since he is teaching night classes. We just ate dinner @ 8:30 tonight! And of course, I was mad again b/c here I'm waiting dinner on him and he wants to sit and have a drink or two and play the guitar. On Tue and Thu he is getting home @ 11. This crazy schedule is screwing up my sleep.

    Haven't had a change to watch the movies together yet - think I'll watch them tomorrow by myself.
    Laurie

    GAPS/Primal - Working on Getting Healthy!

    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread88988.html

  10. #3830
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    I have to admit I have no clue about our finances as that is his field of expertise. I do check on it occasionally but have a horrible memory for numbers so I very quickly forget the details.

    When does his class start? Maybe make the family meal lunch and just go to bed leaving his dinner on a plate or something.

    My DH is currently "only" teaching in the fall, but it is brutal. Of course his spring semester is spent recruiting and smoozing as well as researching. Summer he lines up companies for internships for spring, oh and smoozing and researching. And he naturally does all of that the semester he teaches as well. Teaching is the part of his position that takes the least amount of his time, and it is still a lot!
    Chris
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
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    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

    My "Program": doing my version of a 5:2 -2 day fast diet with real food every day

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