Primal Journal-deMuralist page 145

[Pebbles67]

On neat. I have to wait for the copy to come in the mail.

[demuralist]

I am keeping another journal at myfitnesspal.com and have not been doing a very good job of keeping this one up. the other is more specifically about food and how it affects me, but doing both seems overkill some days.

I was thinking about something that was posted on RMS's journal, about goals and the roadblocks we put up. Honestly I cannot come up with the roadblocks. I have a mental block as to what I do to keep myself from following a plan that will get me to my goals.

My Long term goal relating to food is to eat local. This is going to take some work on my part, finding sources, etc. And it seems I am not committed enough to the goal to do the work, yet.

I know that food is like medicine it can either help make/keep me healthy or it can slowly poison me. My goal is obviously to go the healthy route. And most days I do, but I veer off the path just enough to keep me away from my weight goals.

My weight goal is not so much a number as a size/look I am after. I have never/will never look good in a pair of 5 pocket levi's, just too curvy, but that is ok, what I want is to look great in a pair of size 8/10 trouser style jeans with a white fitted button down shirt tucked in. Complete with belt, and sandals.

So then why is the scale number so important now? Well it is a fast easy measurement. Something that gives close to instant feedback. Fine, then let go of the emotional attachment and importance I have given it and use it as the tool that it is.

There is really not anything that I can think of that my weight keeps me from doing or being, including believing that I am an attractive woman.

My fitness level on the other hand, slows me a bit. I am working on that. I want to be able to do what I want and not worry about being able to keep up. I still do the treadmill every morning I am sticking with the 30 minutes and now slowly picking up the speed. I am picking up the amount of work I am doing in the garden and getting ready to start painting the deck.

I need to either get more hours at work or get another part time job, by the time my son goes to college at the latest. Sooner would make DH more comfortable. The roadblocks for this one are multiple. I know that what I do already is not going to be reduced just because I start working more hours and I am not thrilled about increasing my work load. Once DS is actually gone I will obviously have more time and will be more open to adding work. I also have no interest in taking just any job, I would like to do decorations for events (but not weddings-way too stressful!). Where I work now we are beginning to rent space for events and I am hoping we get enough going with that to increase my hours, perfect case scenario. Finding someone locally who could use some part time help would be choice B, and actually could work in addition to the first scenario, once no kids are in the house.

I think more than roadblocks I just have not started seriously along the pathway. Not doing things that will take me down the road to the destination. Gotta work on that.

[Mud Flinger]

Please do be careful about your job choices. While another job may increase income, the cost of not having time/energy to do all that you do now may not add much to the bottom line and may cost you much life enjoyment. New clothes, cleaning people, eating out and higher taxes are all things that many forget when considering this option. Much can be gained by evaluating budgets and making simpler choices or even restructuring debt. I think you've mentioned that your hubby is the money guy, but I would encourage you to understand the budget and where all the money goes also. Your hubby may appreciate your interest (or not), but atleast he will know that you are both working together on this.

[demuralist]

Oh, I have considered all of that and yes it does come out that there is no addition to the bottom line, financially or emotionally for me. However, DH's first wife (he was married for 10 months right out of college) did not work, got bored because he was always working, and started running around. So emotionally for him its a win. His mom also worked all his life (teacher), of course his grandmother lived with them and was basically the housewife, she did all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. His dad was the chauffeur, neither woman drove.

My job is to figure out a way that it can be an emotional win for both of us. That, of course, would mean it is going to have to be something I LOVE doing to make up for what I am not going to be able to do.

There is no way that he could do what he does (ie.the hobbies he has added) if I had a full time job. In fact, if I had had a full time job all along he would not be in the position he has now, as he would not have been able to put work at the top of his list for the most part, working 7 days a week, 10 to 12 hour days. He would have had to help with the yard and the kids and the house.

His time, economically speaking, is more valuable than mine. ie. people are willing to pay him a lot more to do what he does than anyone is willing to pay me for what I do.

I also know that he is not going to start adding back in those chores that I have taken over. So it is my intention to drag this whole thing out at least until my son is actually off to college (he is a Junior this year).

The other point, financially, is that I am pretty sure that I am already making enough to cover both kids college expenses, if DS decided to attend the same school as DD. There is state lottery money, various scholarships for the honors program, and some money from DH's work place. Obviously DH handles all the finance issues with that and I don't want to ask about it for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is I don't really care. Between the money I make, and the money I save him on all the things I do that we would need to pay someone for, I am sure it is covered!

[demuralist]

Yesterday was a great day. I spent hours in the yard, weeding, planting, pruning. It was sunny but very windy, so sinuses are a bit stuffy today.

Food wise, I got within my calorie target, had 70g of carb and 28g of fiber. All in all a clean and productive day.

Off to the treadmill. ttfn

[athomeontherange]

so jealous.. you can be outside and I am stuck inside with kids. 4 more weeks.... ahhh

[demuralist]

paying for it yesterday and today, so very stiff. I had planned to get out in the yard for an hour every day, but things are not letting me do that. Oh well, I will do the best I can with it.

DD is coming home on Friday, with friends, who are going to help her bring home some of her stuff. Yeah, I get to see her, and since they are bringing some of her stuff it saves me a trip to Knoxville!

Dh is going out of town this week Thursday to Saturday. Yeah, cause I can get a lot more done while he is gone. He will also be out of town for part of next week. Super Yeah, cause that is the week that I will be super crazy getting ready for the Youth Sunday banquet.

[Sabine]

So, did you do anything fun while your husband was gone? Special projects, or just relaxing?

[demuralist]

The night that DD came home she had a few friends along. I made pizza (I don't eat it). I make a homemade crust that makes 5 thin crust 12" pies. So I would top one, put it in the oven, top the next one while that one was cooking, take the first one out, put the next one in, cut the first, they ate while the next one cooked and I topped the next. They had all different toppings. It was huge fun to do it, because they just stood around in the kitchen and ate and talked and laughed. They also included DS just like he was one of them, very nice!

DH leaves again tomorrow, but this week is the Youth Sunday at church and I am decorating the cafe-a-gym-a-torium to try to make the 80 people who are attending not feel like they are eating on a basketball court! We made hundreds of paper flowers, and the whole thing will be lit with candles (it is midday, so it will not be dark) so that we don't have to use the giant sodium hallide lights.

We are gluing candlesticks to the bottoms of glasses, so we can have them at different heights, filling them with those silicone beads that absorb water, then floating laminated photos of the high seniors in them, topped with floating candles, and then make an arrangement of 6 or 7 on top of a mirror in the center of each of 14 tables.

It will be really pretty, but very time consuming, thrilled dh is leaving again, till Saturday.

How are you doing?

[Sabine]

Oh, wow, those sound really neat. You're so creative. I think I'm hot stuff if I just put a flower on the table.
What a nice evening with your kids and friends. That's the kind of thing to look back on and have a happy smile.
I have been having a lazy week, enjoy doing little things around the house, and getting ready for Eldest's visit next week.