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Thread: A question of motivation and expectations? page

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    adam7's Avatar
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    A question of motivation and expectations?

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    I'll start with the cliff notes because I'm about to throw up a wall of text here.

    CN:
    Finally convinced the wife to try the 30 day challenge with me to get on the primal blueprint. We both have about 30lbs to lose. We started Monday, 8/5 and as of Monday 8/15 I had lost somewhere around 8lbs and she lost 3.5lbs. She is disappointed with the results, having expected more. This is likely my fault for hyping it up so much. How do I convince her that 3.5lbs is just the start and that she needs to stick it through?

    Long version:
    My wife, who wants to know why she isn't losing as much weight as I may have implied she would after going primal, is having second thoughts after only a week. With that in mind, a little background:

    I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes at 26 (I'm 31 now). I was about 185lbs on a 5'9" frame, so overweight, but not grossly so. I immediately went low carb and after a few months of insulin and various pills, I was controlling my blood glucose with diet and exercise alone for a period of 2-3 years. Then I met my wife to be and started slipping. I had to start taking pills again, and then after marriage and further slippage, more insulin. That period of low carb (not necessarily primal as this was before I found the site or the book) was easy for me, and my weight dropped to about 165lbs and relatively quickly.

    Fast forward to a month ago and I'm 200lbs with an average blood glucose in the 160 range. After what seems like a year of talking about the primal lifestyle with my wife she finally agreed and we started last Monday (8/8). I usually weigh myself every morning out of mere curiosity and in the last week I was down as much as 8-9lbs (191). (this morning I was 194, but I know not to pay too much attention to day to day fluxuations). I think wife was expecting the same kind of results, but she's not getting them and is disappointed. I think as of now she is down 3.5lbs, but having weighed herself more than once in the last week she saw it drop 3.5, then gain 2, then drop .5, then gain 1, then drop 2.5, etc. Assuming I still know my math, that's still a total of 3.5 for the week, which I told her is pretty good, but I think she sees my number (somewhere between 6 and 9lbs) and thinks this won't work as well for her. She does see the benefit of not being hungry all the time and having more energy, but that number is very important to her. We both need to lose about 30lbs to be in the normal range for our height. I told her not to pay attention to the scale, and to pay attention to how she feels instead.

    And the last bit: She used to do weight watchers a lot. She lost 20-25lbs last time she did it, but like me things slipped in our first year of marriage and its back now. She says she knows weight watchers works for her and she feels like she'd be further ahead at this point if she had gone that route instead, despite the hunger and the calorie counting and the deprivation. I think she sees the logic in the primal way of life, but this is also a fairly emotional thing for her. How do I keep her motivated to see it through at least the 30 day challenge, and beyond?

    On a side note, my BG average is already down to 130 for this month. Without shots.

    So she keeps wanting me to explain why she's not losing more weight. I said maybe she's having a harder transition period since she never did low carb before, and my body is more suited to it because I've already done it successfully. I told her maybe it is just a slow start and she'll start shedding more weight in the next 3 weeks. But the bottom line is, she misses some foods we can no longer have, she (we) is very stressed because of work and home issues, and this is another burden. I told her I need her and I'm not switching back, but that this is much easier with her on my team.

    We have been walking the dog for exercise, I've been lifting heavy things at work, and she's gone to the gym maybe 3 times since Monday on her own. I think tonight we're going to do another walk, and try a kettlebell workout dvd we got. We may need to step up the exercise as a whole though...

    Did I inflate her expectations? This may be my only chance to make the switch to primal for both of us and I really don't want to blow it. What should we expect for the first 30 days? I'm not expecting 20lbs, but I was thinking like 10-12 maybe. Was that too much? We are pretty soft right now.

  2. #2
    adam7's Avatar
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    Just saw Griff's post: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread33283.html
    and emailed it to her. That may be a help.

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    amazonmagic's Avatar
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    Have her look at this, inspires me everytime.

    Meet Staci: Your New Powerlifting Super Hero | Nerd Fitness

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    amazonmagic's Avatar
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    P.S she also talks about weight watchers and why she ditched it

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    Apex Predator's Avatar
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    +1 on ditching the scale. Measurements are far more useful, especially for people so close to their goal weight.

    You must have really hyped this up for her to be disappointed in averaging a weight loss of .35/lb A DAY! Did you tell her she'd wake up with a six-pack?

    If she would rather be unhealthy and thin than healthy and thin in slightly more time, that'd be a sign of a possible (maybe sub-clinical) eating disorder.

    Hope you can help her get her head right. Reasonable expectations are a good start.

  6. #6
    Ummmmya's Avatar
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    3.5 lbs in 10 days is nothing to sneeze at. Women usually lose slower than men, so she needs to first stop comparing herself to you. You also may not need to eat exactly the same. Higher carb, lower carb, etc., different strokes for different folks, all under the same way of eating. I know it's easy to focus on scale weight only, but this is about healing unwell bodies not just losing weight, and that takes time. Did she read the book? If she's just going at this with no understanding of why it matters to eat this way, that's going to affect her motivation. It sounds like she's going into it with a bias against it, so just do what you can do for her, but your focus needs to be yourself first.
    Last edited by Ummmmya; 08-17-2011 at 02:36 PM.

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    adam7's Avatar
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    She is currently reading the book, but she hasn't finished yet. Here is a good news item from this afternoon when I got home:
    She said she got a taco salad for lunch in one of those formed taco bowls. She knew not to eat the whole thing but she broke some off around the rim to add some crunch. Shortly after lunch she said she felt sick, lethargic, headache, etc...

    I said, that's exactly how I feel when my blood sugar is too high, so what you're feeling is the carbs from that taco shell. She realized that she never felt it before because she was so conditioned to carbs, so that may have been an epiphany type moment.

    She also said "maybe I should only weigh myself once a week so I don't get all crazy about it". So thats another step in the right direction. I knew it had to be mostly an emotional reaction, now that she's had time to think it over I'm hoping it puts her firmly back in my camp.

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    Ummmmya's Avatar
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    She also said "maybe I should only weigh myself once a week so I don't get all crazy about it". So thats another step in the right direction. I knew it had to be mostly an emotional reaction, now that she's had time to think it over I'm hoping it puts her firmly back in my camp.
    Yay for bad carb reactions lol! That's awesome. Along with weighing, have her take measurements. Sometimes the scale doesn't move but things are still shrinking, and that can be pretty motivating.

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    I agree with Ummmmya, men do usually lose faster than women. Sucks, but it's true. I remember when I convinced my ex to do Atkins, AGES ago. I lost about 3 pounds and he lost 15 pounds the first week.

    Either have her use a measuring tape or get a decent bodyfat scale and ONLY use it first thing in the morning after she pees. Any other time of day and it won't be anywhere even close to accurate. She's probably going to start leaning up and not be able to see it herself, so make sure you tell her when you notice it. The Boyfriend calls me Skinnybutt now, but I honeslty couldn't tell anything was happening at all, even when the scale WAS moving. It's very motivating when the man you loves thinks you look good.
    My sorely neglected blog - http://ThatWriterBroad.com

  10. #10
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    When in doubt, posting up your average meals will help a lot. People around here usually have a good sense of whether you're getting good ratios of fat/protein/carbs (I'm not one of them!).

    Way to go for you two doing this together! My boyfriend and I are 23 and there is a pattern of diabetes (don't know what type) on his paternal side. I am worried that his high-carb lifestyle will catch up to him and wish he would give this a shot with me.
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