Enough of this crazy talk!
I'm blond because I'm closer to being divine than all the other mud-colored eyes and hair people here. They were made to crawl in the dirt, we were made for higher, purer purposes, like starring in big-budget movies and looking good riding on a horse with wind in our hair. Being blond and green-eyed (hello ladies) has helped me score chicks before, and it's more than I ever asked.
If you're lucky enough to (like me) also have a beard that's red like the fires of Hell, it means you have both the powers of Satan (red beard) and Angels (blond hair), which pretty much makes you a superhero, like Blade.