You need a better therapist. Sorry to be so harsh but the way you fill up the message boards with such achy posts about your horrible slathered-in-fat body and your character flaws causing you to eat fruit (the horrors), well, it makes MDA forums kind of a sucky place to be. I start to feel bad about my own body, worse than I would make myself feel if I kept to myself. You are older than me, you lift way more than me, you're way thinner than me, you have children and a nice husband. I'm younger, I struggle to barely lift anything and I'm left feeling like death warmed over for the effort, I never had children, I've always been fat with no neck and still am, I have a mean boyfriend that I am only a thin shred of something away from hating. That you can be so miserable and I can feel overall pretty darn happy and even excited about my life and success has to say something about your mental health (or maybe mine?)
Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
Starting squat: 45lbs. Highest squat: 167.5 x 2. Current Deadlift: 190 x 3