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Thread: Round 2 {birthdays, bipolar, and antisugar} page

  1. #1
    metalsporks's Avatar
    metalsporks is offline Senior Member
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    Arrow Round 2 {birthdays, bipolar, and antisugar}

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    I tried a journal once before but I think it was too much for me to try to do. That or I wasn't ready. I have 14 large bowling balls to lose. And I think I need to make this easy on myself. I'm going to try one day at a time. If I make it two days then good on me. 30? hot damn.

    See, I've got Bipolar 2, GAD, Pre-diabetes, Pre-hypertension, a huge list of allergies/sensitivities, and PTSD. PLUS I have a DD who will be 1 in August. AND I have a lot of chronic stress that I have very little control over currently. So I need to change my life around. One day at a time. Or even one meal at a time.

    With the way my mind works and the way my life is I feel like I can't make a huge commitment. Otherwise I'd go all "perfect nazi" on myself. And that does nothing for my anxiety or stress.

    So what I've decided is to create a giant "poster" to put on my door for me to see what day I will be taking the plunge to eat nothing but protein and veggies (because I need to kick all forms of sugar for awhile to see how it affects my mental status-bipolar can be treated with a strict no sugar diet) for one entire day.

    Until that day comes I'll be working on "my" pantry (or at least those foods I can choose to stock up on since I eat other people's food right now) and slowly weaning myself off of caffeine so I'm not crazy mom for my DD.

    What does this mean? Nuts instead of candy (my house has candy jars for easy snacking but I need to make myself a nut jar instead), stock up on inexpensive and quick meats, stock up on veggies, and meal plan. If I meal plan things should be easier. I may even try broth in the morning instead of coffee!

    If anyone reads this I'd appreciate advice. Until then I hope to figure it all out (oh, and since my DD's bday will probably fall in the middle of my first month I'm already planning it to be a potluck with a "GFCF" cake {read semi-primal} as well as cucumber sandwiches, berries, and celery with almond butter). I'm hoping a little pre-planning will make the day to day a lot easier. My birthday? It'll be in month 2 and will be a bit easier hopefully.

    My stats? 56inch waist, 399.1lbs, 6' (used to be 6'1" when I weighed less), 21 yrs old.

  2. #2
    belinda's Avatar
    belinda is offline Senior Member
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    Good luck! You can do it
    Newcomers: If you haven't read the book, at least read this thread ... and all the links!
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  3. #3
    metalsporks's Avatar
    metalsporks is offline Senior Member
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    Well, I haven't posted for awhile because I'm simply overwhelmed. I'm fighting being so easily overwhelmed but right now I can't seem to tune out background noise very well. So a too loud tv is deafening to me. And my DH being talkative like always drives me batty, especially with a radio on in the background. Sometimes I wonder if bipolar 2 is even the right diagnosis. I'm not medicated and truely feel like the diagnosis was based on the fact that I tend to have sleepless nights once in a great while and because of my reaction to Zoloft (which my MOM says sent me into a manic episode-I feel that it just made me happy in a medicated way, thereby reducing my ability to control myself). If I had told the counselor about my sometimes extreme, sometimes just annoying issues with certain stimuli combined with an antisocial but almost overly empathetic nature I may have been called Late Onset Aspergers. Which I would say is more acurate than Bipolar 2. I dunno. I'll discuss that next week with the psychiatrist.

    But couple all of that with my current home life (seperated from my hubby because of finances and living with my family in a pretty emotionally toxic enviornment where they think they eat healthy) and my concern over my DD because she is a headbanger (she's almost 1) and her development seems to be slowing I am pretty much floundering. I need to find a way to take a moment to myself and breathe. If I do that then I can crank out some of my too do list and work on figuring out what needs to be on said list.

    The worst part I think is that I am finding that my DD's issues tend to be assosciated with food. AND so do mine. My DH is in love with fast food and so we tend to eat out whenever he comes up (he's a 30min drive away). We had TB today and within two hours I felt horrible. I was very fatigued and very irritable for very little reason. My DD conked out much later than usual (I let her nap whenever she is naturally going to because otherwise we have sleeptime fights as well as more nightttime sleep issues) and was zombified much fo the afternoon.

    I don't know why I keep putting off switching my diet considering how I am noticing food affects my family except that I am scared and I have little to no control over what is cooked right now. I know the last one is more excuse because I can simply not take certain parts of the meal like I did earlier tonight (breakfast for dinner and I didn't pick me up a biscuit but my DD and I had bacon, eggs, and potatoes). I know it's hard to get my DD to eat veggies because she only has two teeth but that really shouldn't be an excuse considering she ate a piece of bacon tonight the same way I would except with as bit more slobber. Mostly I'm scared.

    I'm scared that it will be hard. I'm scared I'll fail (mostly). I'm scared I'll suceed and all my mom will say is that if you haven't kept the weight off for x amount of years then it doesn't work, I mean look at the patients who underwent surgery. Ugh. I'm scared my DH won't understand why I don't want fast food (I don't anymore anyway-it gives me IBS and makes me tired and irritable), milk (he drinks a gallon a week, I swear, and can eat a lb of mozzarella in one sitting!), cheese, and mostly why I want our DD to eat this way (he doesn't even accept that I don't want him to play the play fighting game because she slaps me at nighttime now when she doesn't want to sleep no matter how tired she is!). I'm scared that it will make me sucessful too. If I lose as much weight as I need to then I will be a walking billboard for this lifestyle. I am almost 400 lbs at 6'1"! I need to lose an entire person, an entire OVERWEIGHT person! That is fucking daunting, I don't care who you are.

    But I want to when my DH is getting fitter because of his job and I contue to lug around three people, myself, my DD, and that third overweight person. Plus if I lose 20lbs he doesn't notice. It makes me wonder why I try sometimes. When you are this fat it's hard to notice when you lose it.

    But I need a kick in the pants to get off this fucking pity party. I need to figure out my lunches and breakfasts (found out this morning that my DD CAN wait for me to cook up some eggs if I get up with her instead of letting her play by my bed until I wake up). And I need to get some good fat in the house. I'm tired of living a cluttered life. I want rid of my emotional, physical, and bodily clutter. I'm just scared to do it.

  4. #4
    Griffin's Avatar
    Griffin is offline Senior Member
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    Sporks, You have some pretty heavy things going on in your life right now. I won't pretend to know what it's like living in your shoes but I, too, have a history of mental illness. I've been dealing with depression for approximately 10 years now (since diagnosis) and I don't handle stress very well so I do understand part of your story.

    When I first considered becoming primal, I was filled with anxiety and was stressed out about the transition. I was worried about the diet, I was worried about the exercise and everything else. My thoughts were that I had failed every other attempt at diet and exercise changes, why would this be any different? With the calming influence of my TW (trophy wife) I started my primal journey right away. I found it best to take the band-aid approach, starting quick and getting it over with.

    We don't stress about the things we have in the house that we're trying to get rid of, BBQ sauce, ketchup, etc. We finish them off and then swap in new primal items as required. I think we're about 95% compliant (we could use more veggies, less fruit and nuts) but I've seen great improvements. It's been month now and my depression is so, so much more manageable. I don't see a lot of weight loss with the TW but she is losing weight. Some of her pants are way looser so even if I can't see it, it's there.

    My advice and encouragement would be summed up as the following:
    1. Do this for you and for your daughter. You are the only two who you should be concerned about. If your DH doesn't notice, it shouldn't affect you. Remember, men are pretty dense and miss out of the finer details in life. It's why we can step over dirty laundry without even realizing it.
    2. Just do it! Do the best that you can and don't worry about what you can't. Each thing you accomplish is one improvement over what you were doing before. It is all cumulative.
    3. Don't allow yourself to "cheat." If something arises, do your best to make the primal choice. If you succeed, great! If you don't, chalk it up as a learning experience and move on.
    4. Let it happen naturally. It will.
    5. Savour the delicious food in the new WOE. Fresh strawberries are like orgasms in your mouth.
    6. Share your triumphs. The more you share, the more you'll realize what an amazing job you're doing. Share with your friends and loved ones. Share with us. The people on here are amazing. Their encouragement is second-to-none and this this a wonderful community. Let us share in your success.
    7. Enjoy the process. This should be (and really is) quite simple. You'll get the hang of it.


    Sorry for rambling. I don't know if this all makes sense or not (I'll have to read it later when there's less distractions going on). I want you to know that this is definitely do-able and that it really does get better.

    Start here. Share a small victory with us.

    Good Luck!
    There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

    My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

    The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

  5. #5
    metalsporks's Avatar
    metalsporks is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you Griffin for the kind words. I guess if I focused ont he good side I can say that I have sucessfully weaned myself back to one cup of coffee a day and I am noticing how certain foods make me feel. And despite the fact that I am currently drinking soda I am finally aware of how thirsty it truely makes you (never was before). As per food I am not making the best decisions but I am trying to reduce my grain intake and am much more aware of these foods. While I am still a grain and sugar addict I am trying to focus on my meat and veggies first. Instead of loading up on bread, pasta, and corn I am trying to make 1/2 of my plate a veggie and at least a 1/4 of my plate meat. And instead of using a bowl for my salads like the rest of my family I am opting to put it on my plate so I can visually see how much of each I am eating. Plus I am walking an hour a day as many days as possible (I'd average 3-5 days a week I get this in).

    I'm also starting to put protein and veggie in front of my DD first whenever possible. Or at least protein and fruit. I am nowhere close to primal imo but I am really trying.

    I guess it's hard to be easy on yourself while still trying to make the right decisions. Idk, it's a double edged sword.

  6. #6
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    Wow. First the good: Today I figured out that coffee increases my irritability, temperature, and sweat factor. Plus I rode my bike again with baby on board! Not long but enough to make my legs hurt in a good way. AND I found a friend who completely understands in a place I forgot to think about. I'm going to try to make an effort to hang out with her much more often for some support. I may have come to terms with my Bipolar diagnosis as well.

    The bad: I'm VERRRRY irritable. I started the day off calm and well but then one small misunderstanding between me and my grandma sent my entire afternoon into a tailspin. I'm also in a bit of a tailspin with no grounded feeling. I'm thinking I'm in an irritable hypomanic episode.

    The neutral?: I found anecdotal research that led me to a scientific site that stated that many bipoalr patients tend to be abnormally suceptable to sugar (sounds familiar... especially with my pre-diabetes label), alcohol, and coffee. Sounds like I have much more under my belt for support of this diet. Like I was telling my friend: even though I can't afford to go pure in the ways I eat I should try to go as unprocessed as possible whenever I can. So I think I need to start trying some decaf tea instead of coffee. And try my damndest to eat only meat and veggies (fruit and chocolate may only prove to throw me off). My hardest time is when I wanna snack. Anyone have any good tips on snacking? And this guy in the anecdote challenged himself for one year and succeeded in having no sugar alcohol or coffee. He said the first few days it was like being very horny but for coffee and sugar. I don't know if I can handle that so I am going to try, no I will, to have no coffee tomorrow. Then the next day. One day at a time, right?

    That all said I need to pack and drive down to see my DH before it gets too dark.

  7. #7
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    Hedonist is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Sporks. Hugs. I have struggled all my life with what I now consider undiagnosed bipolar and/or Asperger's. I also can't handle background noise or too many stimuli well. Primal has helped with these. I also took the one day at a time approach, although I was already off gluten and eating a fairly healthy CW diet.

    The ideal is to mostly get off snacks. But I haven't gotten there. I eat pork rinds, which I don't particularly like. Sometimes I put butter on them. LOL. Otherwise they are too dry.

    Hang in there! I want to see you in one of Mark's success stories a year from now!
    Ancestral Health Info

    I design websites and blogs for a living. If you would like a blog or website designed by someone who understands Primal, see my web page.

    Primal Blueprint Explorer My blog for people who are not into the Grok thing. Since starting the blog, I have moved close to being Archevore instead of Primal. But Mark's Daily Apple is still the best source of information about living an ancestral lifestyle.

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    For meals, we've been eating a lot of salad. If you drizzle it with olive oil and balsamic or apple-cider vinegar, you have a healthy dressing with some additional fat for greater satiety. You can also chop some nuts to add some flavour. Hard-boiled eggs and berries are also nice additions. Work your way through the veggies and meat first before moving on the "other stuff." Take seconds of the good stuff too if you can before moving on to the less-than-ideal fillers.

    There are also several nice ways to enhance a glass of water. Lemon slices, cucumber slices, mint leaves, iced-tea (made from a tea bag, not from crystals). These can all take the place of sodas quite nicely. Before I went primal, I was drinking a 1.8L (+/- 64 oz.) Slurpee at least twice a week. Trust me, I know the allure of sodas.

    For snacks, my wife and I rely quite a bit on nuts. Another good option would be veggie sticks and babaganoush (sp?), it's a garlic-y eggplant spread and is very tasty.

    You should definitely try to avoid coffee and alcohol as much as possible. maybe switch to decaf. It may still fill the psychological impulse for coffee while sparing you the irritability. A couple others we enjoy is an occasional square of dark chocolate (75%+) or beef jerky.

    Also, don't sweat the "affordability" of the diet. If it's a financial thing, check out the many threads on MDA about living/eating primally on the cheap. Organic, while ideal, is not an absolute. Make sure you wash your veggies and do the best you can. When you can afford better, buy better.

    To quote Dori from Finding Nemo," Just keep swimming . . ." Focus on the subtle improvements you're making and feel how much better you're already starting to feel.
    There are two wolves fighting within a man's heart, one is Love, the other is Hate. The one that wins is the one you feed.

    My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. - Jack Layton

    The Primal Adventures of Griffin - Huzzah!

  9. #9
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    metalsporks is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you all. I think the hardest part right now i that I am in the midst of a very irritable hypomanic episode. But Day 1 of no coffee went well despite the innumerable amount of times my family tried to ask if I was going to have some coffee.

    Because of this episode the number of times my in-laws talk about how if I was hungry I could have some of the food in the fridge is very very annoying. Whenever my DD is awake I'm trying to hide it and I apparently did well hiding it when we went to this event that my DH loves (we also walked for about 2 hrs straight! Yay! I hurt a bit though, lol) because he couldn't tell I was hurting or irritable past my telling him I needed to slow down.

    I feel better not having had coffee but it will still take some getting used to. Breakfast was eggs with salsa though not enough (probably why I wanted snacks and ended up having a graintastic burrito then some chips n dip and soda). I think that if I can fill myself up well enough with breakfast then I will be able to deal with the day better. Plus if I weren't in this episode it would be easier too as I'd get more adequate sleep.

    I'm really feeling lost though in this state of mind and am thinking I may need some meds for awhile (at least until I can control it with diet). I'm not sure though. I really see a connection between what I eat and my mood. I think this episode was kicked off by my dietary changes and my body going "Woooooooah doggy!", lol.

    By this time next year I hope to be able to control myself better and better be able to catch up with my DH at this event. Even if I'm not the picture of health I hope to be better. While the bandaid approach seems to be working for me so far (worked when I quit smoking however many years ago, worked with alcohol unintentionally, and seems to be working with coffee-as in I have little desire to pick it up again any time soon) I definatel think I still need to chunk my bandaids into smaller bundles. IE instead of going full primal right away I am just trying one aspect of it at a time.

    Part of my problem with this diet, too, seems to be that I really just want to be normal sometimes. While I am a "minimalist in training" and prefer barefeet to the point that the sandal is my go to shoe I still have a problem with it at times. I guess I get tired of the "looks". It's one of those fleeting thoughts that happens at times.

    But to look forward: MORE VEGGIES AND MORE DIETARY FAT. Meat I do well on (I'm starting to crave savory again!) so far despite my need to focus on it still. The hard part is going to be the veggies and fat since those things are few and far between in the houses I live in. So I need to focus on putting those things on the grocery list. Plus having some go to meat int he fridge since I am braindead in the morning and not used to functioning without coffee quite yet.

    KEEP WALKING. I figure when I can walk more often without getting winded so much or in pain so much is when I will start creeping up the primal exercise pyramid. Even if I still need my sound draining headphones while my DD is in the stroller (sometimes background noise...ugh).

    KEEP TRYING. One day at a time. One meal at a time. I'm going to try to snack on veggies after my walks to get those nutrients in me and not be feeling my need to eat as heavily (it's like I need something to do with my mouth despite not being hungry sometimes. Celery sticks, snap peas, etc to the rescue!). I'm going to try to keep water with me unflavored and am going to ask my family not to buy me sodas. I'm learning and that is where I need to focus.

    Again, thank you everyone SOOOO much for your support!

  10. #10
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    P.S. I tried an orange/yellow beet the other day (never tried beets before) and it was soooooo good I had to sneak some before my extended family smothered it to make tempura. Next time I'm going to ask them to set some aside for me to eat raw because it tasted SOOO much better!

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