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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 96

  1. #951
    BigPoppa69's Avatar
    BigPoppa69 is offline Junior Member
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    I have read your posts and It was really nice to see how much you have changed physically as well as emotionally and mentally over the months. It has inspired me to keep a personal journal now, i too suffer from depression and being male know first hand how there is a certain "stigma" attached to depression in males as we are supposed to be like a rock and not have depression etc.
    I was wondering if you had ever considered using an all natural shampoo bar to help with your scalp issues? I personally have used several bars from this company: http://www.google.com/url?q=http://w...QUBROU5RZuUR2Q and have been very happy with the results.

  2. #952
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    Hey thanks for the link, those look like nice soaps. My scalp has been okay lately, actually very nice since I bleached & dyed my hair last Saturday, oddly enough. So far I'm doing okay with "washing" ones a week, but I think my scalp would benefit from more conditioning oils, such as those found in those soaps. We'll see how it's doing when I'm done playing with color in the next couple of weeks.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #953
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    I have a similar problem regarding the variation in veggies. But my thing is that I don't eat them at all ;s
    I'm thinking of trying kale and spinach again but I wouldn't know what to do with them.
    I'm not a cook. I just like throwing things on the pan, flipping them and eating. Making salads depresses me ;D

    I actually got a shampoo bar recently and I'm using it now. I have an oily scalp, and maybe it's just the particular company that made it, but I hate it. It leaves residue on my hair. Once it dries it's coarse, and it gets oily faster. And the smell is too much.

    Actually I don't think many people can tolerate using bar soaps because the ingredients used to solidify it are usually irritating to the skin. Just saying, 'cause I've been duped into buying bar soaps so many times and they never work for me
    maybe your case is different.

    But then again, I'm an avid Paula Begeon follower and read this blog: Bar Soap Can Clog Pores.

  4. #954
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    I like convenience, so I don't like making salads (spinach in an omelette or stir fry is the only thing I can think of that's not separate), and i don't like washing my hair haha. Bars would be convenient for travelling, if I needed to wash my hair, but I can go at least a week before I feel like my hair is just too "gunky" to go on. Then it's water with baking soda (pre-boiled water) & (pre-boiled) water with white vinegar. Not sure how the recent color addition in my hair will affect my routine, as so far my hair and scalp feel awesome and it's been almost a week since I bleached it.

    More later, esp. on therapy appointment, getting some actual work done now and drinking some tea downstairs while others eat cake to say goodbye to a co-worker.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #955
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    I just read your poem--- you're really skilled. And I'm allowed to say that because I majored in English with a focus in modern poetry (in short, a major that allows me to do one thing-- evaluate works of art like yours with a decent perspective).

    If I knew how to get rich n' famous with poetry, I would completely say "you should 'go pro' and write your way to a book or something," but I'm sure that's one of those things that's easier said than done and possibly never done. In any case, you're very good at writing. I do hope you'll write more poems and share them on here as well, if you feel inclined.
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  6. #956
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    I met with a new therapist today and I think I'd like to stay with her for a while. Maybe it's just her demeanor, but I got a good feeling from her and I liked how she summarized my concerns, and the observations she made.

    It was kind of shocking and emotional to realize that Boyfriend is the first person who I've really felt had my back 100%. I never got that sense from my family, which is pretty sad. It was relieving to voice all of my concerns about my relationship with my sister, my parents, and my worries about helping Boyfriend and encouraging him to seek help, while not getting overwhelmed. I felt inclined to warn her that I tend to run away from therapy when I feel I've had enough or gotten enough out of it, without any notice, so I did, and she suggested that I try bringing those thoughts to a session, even if it results in me leaving anyway. I've been told this before, but the way she presented it really made me feel like it would be worth discussing. She made some observations about how I was trying some things that seemed unusual for me (asking my mom to speak to my dad about saying I was "defaced", asking Boyfriend to sleep in the other room if he can't sleep), and asked how that made me feel, and it wasn't until then that I was able to see my attempts to branch out and learn new tools for resolving uncomfortable situations. I'm really grateful for Boyfriend's influence in that (and will tell him!), because I would not have tried to talk about any of those things without his encouragement and being defensive over me It was incredibly reassuring to essentially be told that I'm doing a pretty good job considering I haven't had great examples of confrontation or conflict resolution from my family (I guess I did a good job of exampling how passive aggressive my family is).

    I am really happy that I've kept this journal for so long. I think it's been an excellent tool in developing my problem-solving skills as relating to my emotional disorders. Writing this much has helped me become more articulate when speaking as well. I didn't think of this journal as a writing exercise, but I write a fair amount in here, at least 5 days a week, so it definitely counts! I don't think I could turn this into a novel or anything, and I have no desire to, but it's a good feeling realizing that I still exercise my writing skills regularly, even if it's not in fiction (so it's "less creative", but I'm still crafting words). So basically I don't think I'll feel quite so guilty for rambling on about myself from here on out

    I've been fairly busy at work today (SUCH A GOOD FEELING), preparing for some new employees arriving Monday and making plans for future projects (getting ethernet jacks repaired), but things are slowing down now so I'm checking in with MDA for the first time today, starting around 3pm (now 3:38 at this point in the entry, after some more running around).

    Last night I felt absolutely awful when I got home from work. The thought of cutting briefly crossed my mind. I decided to dye my hair again, seeing if I could get the color to last longer since it was already fading a lot since Saturday, and take a bath with some epsom salt. I ended up cleaning the tub after the bath and keeping fairly busy, as well as reading a bit (finished American Gods). This was all after watching Constantine , which is one of my favorite movies, and chowing down on a bunch of gluten-free cookies. I was not hungry for dinner, but I did make a couple of chicken thighs for Boyfriend, which he enjoyed. I didn't want eggs this morning so I had a couple small sweet potatoes mashed with raw local honey (made my throat very mucousy, so I think there must be pollen in it). Lunch was a burger patty and some broccoli, not enough food by a long shot so I will probably have a sweet potato and my last LaraBar when I get home, if Boyfriend isn't making anything soon.

    Weekend plans: I'm meeting with my mom sometime tomorrow to discuss the future of her dying Macbook. I may try putting the hard drive back into her old laptop (same model Macbook, I got her a new "shell" from work so it would look nicer) to see if that makes it stop shutting off all the time, but the battery is dead, again. I think she should really just upgrade, the thing is probably 8 years old now, but regardless, it's a piece of crap. I'll also be paying her for my portion of the cell phone bill (so expensive, ugh). At some point I have to do laundry since we won't have time next weekend. I would also like to pick up some Omega-3 capsules and maybe SAM-e or St. John's Wort. Or both, if they're cheap enough to bother trying for a few weeks. And of course, more groceries and more meat!

    Oh yes, and the grandmother of a mutual friend of ours is switching to gas heating and has an oil tank completely full. We may be getting some free oil for next winter, but it's going to be a long and boring process of siphoning off 5 gallons at a time and transporting it over to our apartment =\ I hope this works out because even if we only get a few trips worth, every little bit helps!
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #957
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    Quote Originally Posted by ASmallOne View Post
    I just read your poem--- you're really skilled. And I'm allowed to say that because I majored in English with a focus in modern poetry (in short, a major that allows me to do one thing-- evaluate works of art like yours with a decent perspective).

    If I knew how to get rich n' famous with poetry, I would completely say "you should 'go pro' and write your way to a book or something," but I'm sure that's one of those things that's easier said than done and possibly never done. In any case, you're very good at writing. I do hope you'll write more poems and share them on here as well, if you feel inclined.
    Thank you! I've considered publishing a book of angsty teen poetry aimed at angsty teens dealing with depression and self-injury, as a kind of support book, but I have a hard time re-reading my old poems. Some of them are just incredibly depressing and I worry about triggering sensitive readers, and others are just plain awful, but that's partially the point. I've re-written some, and may go back to re-write others. This seems like a kind of collaborative effort, though, and it would be hard to organize the poems (organize by topic? time line through my depression through to "recovery"?) and I have no idea how I could get other writers on board.

    I like sharing my writing, and will be sure to post links here if I write more.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #958
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    Hooray! Glad you got a good one that quick! They're precious. And isn't it nice to have someone point out that you really are doing well?
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    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

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  9. #959
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    It is nice! And also really strange and unusual. It's not that I wasn't "praised enough as a child" or whatever the cliche is, but when I've really felt like I'm floundering for answers, it feels good to have a professional that I respect tell me that I'm on the right track. I scheduled two more appointments (so I could get an early morning spot) for the 11th and 18th. I feel very proud of myself today, I just hope I can cling to this mental glow and clarity and not get depressed this evening for whatever reason!

    Okay, planning helps, so here are some options for tonight
    -make some hard-boiled eggs for the weekend
    -get groceries later tonight if bored (maybe just a Whole Foods trip later so I can peruse the omega-3 options)
    -vacuum the apartment
    -work-out video
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #960
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    Those all sound like good options!

    The glow can be fleeting- embrace it while you have it. You're doing good!
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

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