Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 84

[Barefoot Paul]

Hello! I read through some of your journal entries, but also skipped quite a few. I'm dealing with some depression myself and find that being primal helps a lot.

I also have been working on my posture a lot recently. I'm a tall dude and slouching has long been a habit. Something I've been using a lot to loosen up the muscles in my back is a lacrosse ball. I learned about how to use one here: mobilitywod. I use the ball on my left or right upper back (lay on it with it between the shoulder blades) to loosen up the muscles along my spine. I also roll around on it to work and massage really any muscles that I think might be tight. I just search the mobilitywod site for exercises.

I really enjoy reading your posts. It helps to know there are others going through similar things. I was wondering:

What kind of probiotics were you taking? I remember reading something about intensive care probiotics maybe? I've wondered a lot if probiotics would help but for some reason have been skeptical. If you thought this kind worked, I would be interested to try it.

Also, you talked about L-Theanine. Any advice on where to start would be awesome!

Thats all I've got really. I hope all is well on your end

[namelesswonder]

Josh, I'm not worried about sugar in general, esp. in the form of starches, but right now I'm still supposed to be avoiding it so I don't feed any yeast in my system. I've only just adjusted my dose of C. Away so I need to see how I feel as this week continues before I consciously add sugar back. I'm still going to eat that yogurt I bought though It's also just more cost efficient, sadly enough, to avoid sugar in any form, even from whole foods.

Paul, thanks for commenting! On posture: I will check that site out! It's such a simple thing, but it can be so difficult to consciously remember to keep your head up, shoulders down etc. Stretching things out will probably help. On probiotics: I'm taking this probiotic. It just makes your water taste a little stale, if you don't mix it with anything else, definitely not unpleasant. I have a serving (1/4 teaspoon) with breakfast and dinner. Within a couple of weeks, I suddenly felt a lot more clear-minded, as though it was much easier to think. The initial super positive response didn't last, but overall I feel like the probiotic has made a positive impact on my mental health. On Theanine: somebody popped into my journal a couple of times and recommended Theanine for anxiety. I'm not sure how much of an impact it's had. It's the one thing that I take that I have a hard time remembering to take! I did feel like it helped with my anxiety, but there are always so many other factors in my life that I don't feel like I can accurately gauge whether it's helped or not. I just ran out and am not going to bother getting more for a while. When it comes down to it, I feel it's worth taking a bottle regularly to see if it makes a difference, since it's good for thyroid support anyway.

Thyroid testing is probably next after allergy testing. I'd like to see if a full thyroid panel would be possible, and if I could get my iodine levels could be tested. It never hurts to get a baseline right? Even if everything comes back OK.

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Today I am listening to one of the bonus Paleo Summit interviews on cholesterol. It's amazing how incorrectly people understand cholesterol! I had dinner with my parents last night and was happy to hear that they do have a sense of how limited doctors can be, in that they give the same generic response about a lot of things simply because they are usually not specialists in any particular area. Your average doctor is there to give you an idea of an issue, to determine whether tests are warranted, and to point you in a direction for further testing, research, etc. I don't think they should even be allowed to comment on "diet and exercise" unless they're a nutritionist or cardiologist, and even then, they're probably going to be very inaccurate about the effects of food and cholesterol etc. on the body. It would be a step in the right direction: teaching people to take their health in their own hands. This can be dangerous, sure, with people not realizing they're really sick until it's too late because they think their homeopathic remedies are having an affect, but if we start early, maybe there will be more people accurately gauging when they really need to stay home or get themselves to a lab by the time I'm retiring I want to enable my hypothetical future children to live as healthy a life as possible on their own means.

Boyfriend and I rocked on the food calculations front last week and we have enough meat to last us till we leave on vacation next week, I think! Not enough veggies though, so I will have to badger him about going out sometime this week. I like broccoli, but I'd like to get something non-cruciferous too! I'm not very good about eating a variety of veggies because Boyfriend doesn't like sweet foods in dinner, so that rules out some things, and he doesn't really like salads (not that I make them ever anyway).

I am still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my period. 1 week late from expected hormonal disruption, 1/2 week late from when I would have gotten it anyway. I'm not actively worrying about it, like I might have in the past, so I don't think any stress is pushing it off, but that kind of makes me worry more heh.

[Team Oberg]

I am like an obnoxious mom when it comes to eating a variety of vegetables. Derek has to take three bites, if he doesnt like it I wont make him eat it, but I frequently find myself saying things like, "two more bites of kale and I will make some dessert." This kind of helps me expand his hoizons, since he initially cringed and things like turnips but once he had them sauteed in butter, cayanne, and cinnamon he now requests them. Men can be a bit like children when it comes to trying new things, so a bit of bribery and bargaining are required at times.

[namelesswonder]

Haha true about men & children, unfortunately the sweet foods at dinner I just a thing for Boyfriend. It just feels "wrong" to him to have something sweet in dinner. Even "sweet & sour". I don't think he'll ever change in this respect unless he drops the grains. He doesn't have much of a palate and it's definitely being smothered by all that bread!

[namelesswonder]

Oh and because you all care, the cramps arrived and I caught my period right as it started. Nice that my body has an alarm system now, haha. No period during vacation next week, which is relieving

[namelesswonder]

I did some KB swings this morning. I'm pushing myself to do more, realizing that I wasn't even trying to make progress. So 60 instead of 50. I want to do several more sets this week since next week is going to be all walking.

Something is sore in my right leg, I think I pulled it on Sunday when I took the family dog for a walk in my new shoes. I'm hoping that wearing them to work this week will be enough so that I can walk comfortably in them on vacation next week, provided we have dry weather (otherwise I'll wear my skate sneaks and hope for the best). I have to water-proof them this weekend. If the weather holds up, this weekend would be a really good time to work on the scooter too [[pokes self about it]]! It looks like it should be pretty warm in DC next week, I just hope we don't get rain. I have to pick the right coat to bring!!!

My nails have been a bit weak and peeling over the past few days. I wonder what changed, since they were quite strong for quite a while after going primal. We tried the rice pasta my mom got me last night for a kind of chicken parmesan...it was terrible. It had the right chewiness for pasta, but the outermost layer was mooshy, and it basically fell apart in the under layers when baked, as well as being absolutely tasteless. I'll be choking it down with lots of salt for lunch later in the week, probably. I opted for just breakfast today, with a coconut milk protein shake and 3 eggs over-easy in bacon grease.

Boyfriend said my extended Valentines Day present is making dinner for the rest of the month, despite the pain in his shoulder. I really appreciate the gesture, considering how much I've been taking care of him while he recovers, but I don't expect any special treatment for it! I'm kind of apprehensive about him doing all the cooking 1. for the sake of his shoulder, 2. for the sake of food variety, and 3. for eating dinner at reasonable times. He tends to not be hungry around dinner time (and doesn't eat at regular times if at all during the day), but I'm always hungry when I get home from work. I'd rather not be eating dinner at 9pm every night since I've been going to bed around 10:30! We'll just see how it goes and I'll bring it up if he keeps making dinner late, but since we'll be eating out next week anyway, I'm not too worried about it. I looked up some gluten-free options for our trip, if we have a couple nights at mid-range restaurants. Not sure if we'll try cooking at the hostel, that might be a good option to save some $$. Anyway, Boyfriend is usually flexible when he's not in charge of dinner and will eat when there's food, so I can probably get him to adjust food making times for me.

My brain is in a good place today and was yesterday too. I feel slightly more irritable at work, mostly with my not-boss about anything really. I should really find out who I can talk to about him, I am dwelling a lot on how pissed off he makes me sometimes. I'm also not sure how to talk to whoever about this either. Do I just vent, or discuss his behavior a bit more abstractly? "It's really difficult to work with him when he's stressed about something and it seems like he gets stressed really easily and takes it out on his team." Would that be an okay thing to say? Should I be more specific about particular situations where he made me uncomfortable? I am very sensitive to other people's moods, so when he gets irritated, I get irritated, and he seems to get irritated whenever he doesn't understand something. You have to spell things out to him in a certain way or he gets confused (and then irritated) and it's frankly a pain to deal with. It seems like most people here just put up with it or have gotten used to it and it's not a big deal, so I'm not sure if *I* should be finding it a big deal.

[namelesswonder]

I might check in later, but just wanted to put this in now. Yesterday I felt very happy, but also easily irritated. When I left work I started having an anxiety attack. For me that means I simultaneously want to scream and cry, and had to fight a bit to keep from hyperventilating. All because I had a moment of worry about leaving work a little early. When I get anxiety attacks, it's the only time that keeping my hands clenched helps me keep the tension out of the rest of my body, so I gripped the steering wheel and sang loudly to the mix cd in the car stereo. When I got home, I was in the midst of trying to text Boyfriend (failing because I'm not good at texting on the touch screen of my smartphone) when he showed up at the door, so I (carefully) hugged the crap out of him and we watched more "Lie To Me" while I wolfed a couple of bowls of the slightly-less-bad-when-reheated chicken parm w/ rice pasta. It took a few hours for me to feel "normal" and then I was just exhausted (almost took a nap) and kind of brain dead.

Waking up this morning I can feel the edge already. I think perhaps this dose of 5-HTP may be too much for me now, 50mg at dinner and again at bedtime. I didn't change the dose last night because I wanted to give myself more time to think about it, but I will just take the 50mg before bedtime now. This is encouraging, that the dose has finally reduced, but also makes me worry that this will not be the answer for my depressive episodes. That is something to worry about for another time though.

[namelesswonder]

Some idle thoughts
-I felt like writing this morning, but of course, I was driving. I had the *feeling*, but not the thoughts. I thought about writing about writing, how I think it works for me, and why I tend not to finish things (or start them). I don't feel collected enough to feel like I could actually work out the blog post though, I feel like it would be work and I'm not sure how hard I want to work on a blog entry.
-I am fighting my anxiety hard today. I really hope reducing the 5-HTP makes a difference for tomorrow. I'm considering taking a GABA Calm, but I'm not convinced that is going to help reduce the type of anxiety I am feeling. I don't like feeling brain dead, but I can kind of feel it behind the busy-ness in my brain right now. I feel surprised that my day is about 1/2 over already, but I know the rest of the day is going to drag.
-I can tell my breath smells today and I hate that. Damned post nasal drip. My nose is taking its sweet time draining from last week's cold.
-I have the number for an allergist in town, very close to my apartment. I want to call this week to see if I can get an early morning or late afternoon appointment sometime for testing.
-I am going to wash my hair twice this week. Tonight, and Saturday, because I want to try to get the process right to reduce the dirty-hair smell. Then I'll wash Monday night or Tuesday morning before we leave for our vacation. I put some purple in my hair last night and it made my hair look a bit darker, and amplified the bit of purple in the front. I think the color is sticking to the sebum rather than the follicle because it comes off on my finger tips when I scratch my head =\ Ew. When this washes out/later this Spring/when my hair is longer, I might finally go super blonde again. But we'll see.

[thepigisatastyanimal]

Writing is such a therapeutic activity for me but I get what you mean about feeling 'collected' enough to see a thought through. I find it helps to jot down a quick sentence about the beginning/ middle/ end of what I want to accomplish in a particular writing session. Nothing complicated--just short snippets to keep me on track.

FWIW, I like super blonde/platinum on cropped hair (like yours now), too.

[drssgchic]

I know I haven't been in here in a bit- just wanted to pop in and say that anxiety and minor deviations aside, it sounds like you are really doing well. You're on top of this doctor thing and paying attention to your supps- this is good!

I'd be very specific- dates and times kind of specific- if you speak with anyone about Not Boss. This happened at this time and this is what resulted. If you come of as "But he's, like, soooo obnoxious" they're less likely to take you seriously and (depending on your company) could get you fired. (not that I'm saying you're going to sound whiny, you won't, but facts are the best way to go)

That's sweet of Boyfriend to cook for you! Although I hear you about eating on someone else's schedule!