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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 81

  1. #801
    fpsjosh01's Avatar
    fpsjosh01 is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Just make it coconut butter, and I'll sleep a little easier tonight XD.

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  2. #802
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    Ew coconut. Since I have nothing with which to make coconut butter, nor do I have any kind of nut butter, I'm in the clear. It's easier to bypass cravings when I don't have them in the house, and it's easier and easier to walk by them in the store too. Bacon cravings, however, should never be ignored. Boyfriend and I have been very good at keeping up with our bacon intake (1-2 packs a week). =P

    My energy levels are irregular. I feel much more energized on the weekends probably for a few reasons: I'm physically moving around quite a bit more, I'm doing things that I'm more interested in, and there's no pressure for me to "keep busy" or finish anything in any amount of time. I am wondering if getting a regular exercise regimen started (more than the 5 minutes I spend a few times a week right now) will help with this, but I'm not sure how to really do anything more than I do now. I do 5 minutes at a time because that's all I can handle. I like the idea of starting to run, but I know it would be a struggle to go 20 minutes at a leisurely pace. And it's always been that way for me, I guess I'm a bit discouraged feeling like eating this way should make this a bit easier, but maybe it's just a problem with motivation and not pushing through the initial discomfort.

    Weekend goals review: Got more Tyrosine, helped my mom with some computer stuff (for $$), helped my godfather with some computer stuff (for $$), bagged shoes for donation & brought to my parents house, put away my bags of fabric scraps that have been in the living room for a couple of weeks, went to BJ's for some more meat & trash bags, and taking it easy came in the form of some pleasant and casual gaming and a nice long chat with my godfather. The only thing I didn't do was hang fliers around town. The idea of going into the shops & hanging up my ads made my anxiety flare up so much that I did not even look at the stores when I drove by them when I was out doing other things. I'm disappointed in myself for getting worked up over this. I can handle meeting strangers and working on their computers, but not hanging a damn flier?!

    Budget thoughts: I got a nice chunk of change from my mom and godfather for helping with computer stuff this weekend. While I'd like to put it straight to a loan, I also had an unexpected expense this weekend and I'm considering keeping the $$ in my account to cover that and have a bit of pocket change for my vacation next month. I think at the end of the month, I'll split my savings (from regular work income) to put some in my savings account, and the rest straight into a loan. I might have to buy more probiotic soon, and it's pricey, but worth it, and I have the money to spare for once. Still not sure about my tech services payments though...

    Food: I eat irregularly on the weekends. Since my mom bought me the protein powder I was interested in, I used that as a mid-afternoon pick-me-up and it was enough to get me through till dinner without feeling cranky. I'm going to make sure I have lunch everyday this week to see if that helps with my energy levels. I also need to make sure I have more meat available for breakfast so I have enough fuel in the morning. It's all about making sure I put food in the fridge to defrost at the right times! I'm not worried about using the protein powder as a meal replacement (often) because I like the taste, but there's something a little bitter about the stevia in it that doesn't make me want to chug it or even have it all that often. Maybe if my protein intake is low, it'll be an occasional dessert =)

    Sugar-free attempts: Had some fat-free yogurt (11g of sugar) and a couple little squares of Dove Dark Chocolate at my godfather's house. It probably didn't take me over 20g of sugar for the day, and otherwise I haven't cheated or anything. I don't consider those "cheats", I just enjoyed them. Though since the Whole 30, I haven't been able to eat chocolate slowly like I used to. Not sure if that's a bad thing.

    Symptoms: My focus is on energy this week, seeing what I can do to keep my energy levels up and ensure I'm getting enough food for energy. Last night I had a really terrible stomach ache in the lower abdominal area. It was a deep pain, almost like I could feel pressure behind my rectum. Weird. I would put the pain at 7/10 with 10 being in a ball, crying, unable to move. I was in a ball, near tears, and could move, but it hurt a fucking lot. It went away after a while and today it only hurts if I strain when I go to the bathroom...so it's probably gas/constipation. I think I was a bit light on veggies this weekend and heavy on the rice one night. Pain is scary regardless of the source. Allergy symptoms are unchanged, though they were worse at my godfather's (he said there's probably mold and a lot of yeast from baking there). There are some allergy testing facilities near my work and home so I think I'll be able to get some testing done next month or in April without it messing with my work schedule too much.

    Sleep: I got at least 9 hours every night on the weekend, or at least, that's how long I stayed in bed. I didn't find it too hard to get out of bed. I didn't go to bed earlier than 11:30 on any night though. Last night I stayed up late because of the stomach pain, but I got up at 7AM (my goal time!) so I could get to work a bit early & fill up the car, since I thought I had to take Boyfriend to an appointment mid-day. He was able to reschedule for next week (more convenient for both of us), so I get to leave work early instead I wonder if I'll be able to keep the motivation to get up at 7AM for the rest of the week. Biggest problem is going to be making part of breakfast or lunch the night before so I save prep time in the morning. That's kind of a long-term goal though.

    Mood/Brain shizz: Other than getting debilitating anxiety over hanging fliers around town, things have been good. I've felt a little "fluttery", like it's hard to hold onto thoughts, for the past few days. It made it a little hard for me to communicate while I was working on my godfather's computer, but I was fine when we were just chatting later. Maybe just nerves about doing "work" on the weekend/for someone close to me?

    Boyfriend pointed out that my underwear was practically falling off of me last night. I guess I don't wear Larges anymore, which makes sense since I'm around college weight again.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #803
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    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    Wow I'm verbose today. Some thoughts on tattoos:
    Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: Inky commitment
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #804
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    namelesswonder is online now Moderator
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    In other news: I LOVE THE TATTOO DESIGN I WAS SENT YESTERDAY. No, you don't get to see it, collective internetz. Not until the outline is started on me. Maybe. Or maybe not on the internet till it's done, I don't know. I'll probably start it in about a month. Sqqqueeeeeee

    Boyfriend experienced some random and excruciating pain in his shoulder last night and this morning (9.5/10). I'm really worried and trying not to act like I'm the one that's hurt! It's really hard to watch someone be in pain and not be able to do anything for them. He missed class again this morning because of the pain and I am trying not to worry about that as well. His doctor is sending more pain pills because he was concerned about the numbness Boyfriend has been experiencing in that arm.

    Exercise: I did a brief intense session this morning that left my heart racing & discomfort in my chest. It did help me feel a bit more awake though. If I can get up early enough tomorrow and it's not raining, maybe I can get myself to try jogging around the neighborhood for 15 minutes before my shower. I don't think I will, I'll probably wuss out because I'm nervous about being seen jogging. I don't really know how to run...

    Sleep: Slept in till 7:30. I got to bed early but didn't sleep restfully until Boyfriend came to bed after his raid (midnight-ish?).

    Symptoms: Congestion is getting worse with the warmer weather, looks like it's primarily environmental (floral, seasonal, etc.) allergies, but I'm still hoping for improvement once I get the supplements for killing off the yeast. My stomach doesn't hurt anymore, large evacuation yesterday seemed to help with that, but I've been more gassy than usual. I doubt it's signs of die-off, more likely something I ate because I'm very slightly bloated. For the past several weeks I've had itchy spots on some of my toes that are bright red in the morning. My toes often feel numb and/or painful and get cold easily. I think I might have a fungal infection on top of probably poor circulation. I'm hoping all that I'm doing will get rid of the fungal infection so I don't have to go the topical ointment (aka. prescription) route.

    Mood/Brain Shizz: I took two Tyrosine this morning (1000mg) on a whim. I've felt good lately, but still kind of "flakey", like I can recall things quickly, but it's too often that I have to pause and remember something. I think I feel better today, but we'll see how the day progresses and I'll do this again tomorrow. I'm wondering if it's a change in some other supplement (or lack of sugar?) that is making me need more. I don't feel worse than I have in the past when I go without it for a week or two every few months, so I don't feel like I'm building up a dependency, but I can't think of why I'd need more now.

    Food: Ate a lot of rice last night and forced myself to stop. I knew I was full, despite feeling hungry. I don't like that feeling, but that's what happens when Boyfriend makes dinner.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  5. #805
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    I really need to get me some coconut butter!

    Tracking all your food fucking sucks, nameless. I'm in the same boat. If something new pops up on my face, then I think back and make a note on what I ate previous. Tracking fucking everything is just mental.

    It took me over five years to decide on my tattoo design. It was in memory of my father. I still fucking love it. It's your body - make sure it means something and it'll be SO WORTH IT!
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    Do not allow yourself to become wrapped up in a food 'lifestyle'. That is ego, and you are not that.

  6. #806
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    Quickly read your blog posting. LOVE LOVE LOVE your idea behind your tat. See, THAT has meaning. You won't ever regret it.

    It took me some time, but I looked for an artist who excelled at fine line work. It's worth finding the right artist.
    A Post-Primal PrimalPat

    Do not allow yourself to become wrapped up in a food 'lifestyle'. That is ego, and you are not that.

  7. #807
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    It's a rambling kind of day, you've been forewarned.

    Yesterday was good mood-wise until sometime in the afternoon with a situation with my not-boss (I'm on his team, I report to him, but my manager is in Santa Barbara; I don't know who the not-boss reports to in my chain of command). It was stupid, he acted a lot like my dad and that combined with just how immaturely he responded to the situation made me really upset. I went spoon first into the honey jar at home and I think the energy perked me up a bit. I made dinner, at dinner, had some of Boyfriend's dinner that he didn't want (onions are delicious, yo). Was still a bit hungry. Maybe water would've helped. Maybe my stomach is just stupid.

    And then I had a congo bar. You know, like a brownie, except it was made from cookie dough. It tasted like flour and chocolate chips, but the texture was great. I did not feel inclined to have more and am not suffering from it today. I am honestly a little disappointed that I gave in after no wheat whatsoever this year so far, but I felt really good about consciously making the choice and I don't feel guilty about it at all. This is excellent progress.

    I'm proud of myself for recognizing the bad situation at work for what it was. I did something wrong, but not as terribly wrong as not-boss made me feel about it. It is very clear to me how he could have handled his disappointment about the outcome of the situation better. I am considering talking to a higher-up (no idea who that would be, but I guess I'll ask my actual boss) about his behavior in this particular situation, because I do not feel like it is my place to tell not-boss that his tantrums are very un-boss-like and more fitting for an old man (he's my dad's age) or a child.

    So I think I'm making progress in terms of just the way I think, and my anxiety management, because I was able to recognize the situation for what it was very quickly, but I was still more upset than I feel like I should have gotten. I think I will pick up some 5-HTP this weekend and try it again for a bottle's worth. I'll get it in 50mg and try 50mg at dinner and 50mg before bed to start with. I feel like I am much better at monitoring my mental health now than I have been in the past so I'm optimistic about looking for results with this.

    Exercise: I did some random shit last night for about 20 minutes while watching a show, including jogging in place. The sharp pain in my chest lasted until this morning, and I didn't feel it again until I did my ~10 minutes of random exercise, mostly when doing push-ups. So it could just be a muscular thing, and not indigestion as I thought yesterday, and nothing to really worry about. I can feel from my posture that I need to strengthen my chest to balance out the pull of muscles so I'm looking into KB exercises to do specifically for shoulders and chest, as well as continuing to work on my push-ups (haven't really progressed). I'm only just starting to make exercise a regular habit this past week, and I hope to continue this new habit so it becomes ingrained. I do feel like the exercise this morning helped with my morning energy levels, but afternoon and evening energy is more of the problem right now.

    Sleep: I haven't been consistent about the 7AM wake-up, but I'm still managing 7:30. Progress is progress. It's not essential that I get up at 7AM at this point, I would just like to someday, so I'll keep working on it!

    I really think the Whole30 helped improve my willpower with sticking with Primal, but also I really feel like this is a natural way for me to eat now. I'm very happy to finally feel this way, especially when it comes to sugar. I know it will be some time before I'm a lesser risk for emotional sugar-cheats, but there's no doubt to me now that I'm making progress.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #808
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    Forgot to mention that I'm getting back into the No-Poo experiment. I'm only soaping up the essential areas (private bits, arm pits) and just using the loofa to scrub gently everywhere else (and just using the water pressure for my ears, they tend to be quite waxy though it's better since going primal and now worse with allergies). Oh and I used coconut oil on my toes the other day (that might have the fungal infection) and it was a really nice moisturizer. My legs were still looking good this morning after putting it on last night. It really gets absorbed so there's no residue that gets washed off later like many other moisturizers. Hopefully I can find a kind that doesn't smell as strongly. I may try tea tree oil on the toes tonight.

    My No Poo Shampoo Story, I Went Shampoo Free & Took Pictures
    This site is what got me motivated to try again. My hair is short so it should be easier to manage the awkward 2-3 week transition (before it looks okay-ish). I realized that my conditioner is too cleansing. I used some baking soda with a drop of tea tree oil (my scalp has been dry lately) this morning and it initially left my hair feeling kind of crunchy. When I brushed it straight up, it stayed there. Did I not rinse it well enough? I used so little! My hair felt fine after 4 hours or so though. The hard part is going to be waiting a week to do that again! It'll be the easiest way to transition though
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 02-23-2012 at 11:40 AM.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #809
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    Where is everyone lately? Seems like even the journals aren't getting updated as much as usual. Maybe it's just my perspective changing, or a lull season in the primalsphere.

    I hate hearing about people who get jazzed for their day off of two hard boiled eggs for breakfast. How is that enough?! They must be lying. I see these sample meals and it just doesn't look like enough food! Based on rough estimations on FitDay, I eat a fair amount and I STILL have trouble reaching 1800 calories, let alone 2k! A site with a really thorough candida protocol (including proper diet, supplementation, and stages, as well as identifying die-off symptoms and reactions) had some sample meals for candida relief and they basically said to eat at least 60% calories in fat (I mostly already do this), using eggs and coconut oil to make fatty drinks to have throughout the day. I think it was 30% and 10% for protein and carbs, keeping carbs around 50g for my height. I have not been succeeding there. I'm not keen on making any kind of bulletproof drink (don't do coffee, suppose it could be cocoa), plus I'd need an immersion blender or something to make it work, but that would probably stop me from feeling quite so FUCKING HUNGRY all the damn time. Seems like I need to cut back on protein and increase fat. Not sure how to make that work.

    I had an inch thick pork chop with a 3 egg omelette this morning. I feel like that should be plenty of food, but I'm feeling hungry! Time to drown myself (I mean, drink a lot of water).

    From previous experience, I know it doesn't take me too long to adjust to more posture-consciousness, but it's still annoying as all hell to realize every couple of minutes that I'm letting my shoulders shrug up again. I think it's partially due to the increased upper body exercises I've been doing. Holding my shoulders down will help train my postural muscles to keep my body positioned correctly without me thinking about it, but it'll be a few weeks before I can do it without thinking about it so often. I'm sore from working out yesterday and the day before, but not so sore that it'll keep me from doing anything tomorrow. I need better core workouts, crunches are tiring, but don't ever leave me sore except for the first 20 min, so I don't feel like they're doing anything. Maybe that's just a misconception I have about exercise.

    I felt pretty damn horrible last night. I've been so absurdly worn out after 3pm until after dinner this past week despite eating lunch. Last night I felt so much better after dinner that I cleaned the stove top (including the grates, whatever you call the part that holds the pots over the flame) and scrubbed half the tub. I plan on scrubbing the rest over the weekend if not tonight. Baking soda is a miracle product!

    Weekend goooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaals: Finish cleaning the tub, sweep the kitchen & dining room, get my new phone, get some 5-HTP, get some sleep.

    I'm not going to even bother putting "hang fliers" on there because I know it will make me more anxious about it.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  10. #810
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    I hate hearing about people who get jazzed for their day off of two hard boiled eggs for breakfast. How is that enough?! They must be lying. I see these sample meals and it just doesn't look like enough food! Based on rough estimations on FitDay, I eat a fair amount and I STILL have trouble reaching 1800 calories, let alone 2k!
    Yup. You're right. People all over the paleo sphere are actually not consuming enough calories.

    I figure people do well on the Jack Kruise Leptin reset simply because they get the correct amount of protein every day.

    Applying basic logic and reasoning you have figured out the biggest secret here in the paleosphere. "Calories matter."

    You aren't alone in your thinking .

    Eating healthy takes a WHOLE LOT MORE than just eating the correct foods until you're full.

    /rant
    Last edited by fpsjosh01; 02-24-2012 at 11:50 AM.
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