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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 758

  1. #7571
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    The migraine has passed, I think I was dehydrated from too many bathroom trips over the past 24 hrs! I didn't get my supplements right this morning, clearly. My hands are feeling better too, thank goodness since I have to type all day.

    Lateness has always struck me as insulting to various degrees. It's wasteful of my time (and others) and inconsiderate. His gf was shocked when we told her he's always late because he's ALWAYS on time for her. It's great to know that he does that for her, but it's still strange to me that he's consistently late to anything else. I sent her home with food for him anyway. Hopefully he will talk to some of us about what happened so we can understand why he left.
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  2. #7572
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Lateness has always struck me as insulting to various degrees. It's wasteful of my time (and others) and inconsiderate. His gf was shocked when we told her he's always late because he's ALWAYS on time for her. It's great to know that he does that for her, but it's still strange to me that he's consistently late to anything else. I sent her home with food for him anyway. Hopefully he will talk to some of us about what happened so we can understand why he left.
    It is insulting, and it is rude. As the guy can be on time, when he wants - for his gf, it just shows that he is just an inconsiderate ass. I don't have time for that kind of nonsense. Late due to traffic or an accident or something, okay. Late because you want to be? Yeah, f*ck you bro, I only have time in my life for punctuality.

  3. #7573
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    Agreed. I can't believe he caused your wedding ceremony to be delayed. Then to act like a baby when you call him on it???

  4. #7574
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    Agreed. I can't believe he caused your wedding ceremony to be delayed. Then to act like a baby when you call him on it???
    To be fair, he didn't know it was happening since it was a surprise ceremony but he WAS the last one there (I mean, you should at least be relatively on time for an engagement party, right?) by quite a lot :P. But yeah, he's a huge baby. I think he's been under a lot of stress lately, but that's no excuse for his constant tardiness.

    And now that I think of it, he really should have apologized whether he knew or not that the wedding ceremony was happening that day. 1. He was incredibly late so that's just good form and 2. after we TOLD him we had to wait on him, he should have apologized. I still want to wait to see how this resolves, but I will be sad if a 7 year friendship lapses because he is not willing to communicate. I wonder if any of our other friends have spoken to him about it yet.
    Last edited by namelesswonder; 08-18-2014 at 12:01 PM.
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  5. #7575
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    Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

    I honestly think he's always late to the group events because you guys never directly called him out on it (telling him he is late is not exactly the same as telling him he is late and therefore his actions are unacceptable). The gf probably would dump him if he was that late, so he was on time for her.

    People only will try as hard as you make them... If he can get away with being late, he will be late. Start ordering food promptly and finish the food without waiting for him. Inform him "you were late and we started without you" in a straightforward fashion. He will learn quickly that he either needs to be on time or be left out of the agenda.

    A stressful life isn't an excuse to act like a baby at a social event. By agreeing to attend a social event, one should have agreed to leave the drama at the door. We all have stressful lives.
    Last edited by TQP; 08-18-2014 at 05:22 PM.

  6. #7576
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    Speaking from the other side of the coin here. My life runs late. If it's just me and things go according to plan, I'm right on time or a little early. More often than not, I'm 5-15 min late. Throw in more people and that 5-15 is a given. I've tried trying to leave earlier, prepping to leave on time, yadayadayada. Something always happens to eat my buffer time (usually other people.)
    That said, I could never understand (or forgive) being hours late to a party. Even half an hour makes me feel like something the dog drug in.
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  7. #7577
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    Yeah, I realized when I was talking to her mom (she was present for the friend's abrupt arrival and then departure) about it and she said he probably needs someone to just say it directly. TQP, you're right and I have NO idea why we haven't flat out called him out on this by now. We tease him about it ALL THE TIME and I think that was the tipping point (for him), but it should have been addressed seriously. Sometimes, we'll all meet at his apartment (he lives with another friend of ours) and be stuck waiting on HIM. He held up a BACHELOR PARTY because he was so slow getting ready. I don't know what his deal is. I don't think he's once apologized, but he is always ready with "reasons".
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    Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

    By my personal nature (constant chaos...Murphy's law loves me) I run 5 minutes late. Now I am in a profession where 5 seconds late means dire consequences. Strangely, now I can be exactly on time or even early! Whoa. Everyone has excuses, but the actions only are excused if someone else accepts them. If something truly bothers me, I make it very clear that the excuse wasn't good enough.

  9. #7579
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    We live an area where everyone and everything runs late, small businesses don't open when they say they will, they close at random times, etc. Hubby is a teacher and that's one place you can never be late so he has to consciously shift down into a slower mode for social events, we make a point of leaving our house later but we are often still the first to arrive at get togethers. It's been an adjustment moving from a more urban area to the country.
    Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

  10. #7580
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    Hulky would hate that urban life I could probably adjust.

    Bike: I realized this morning that I find my breathing on my rides now. I remember struggling so much earlier this summer. It happened over the course of time, as I knew it would. It's nice to realize where I am now .

    Running: Once we're moved up to my parents' house and I get a morning routine going, I think I will try to do biking 3x a week and driving 2x a week. On the days I drive, I will run in the park near my parents' house before work. The third running day will be on Saturday or Sunday. This is a great time of year to start because I won't sweat as much (much cooler in the mornings) and hopefully I will start to adapt to the cooler weather sooner. Biking to work from my parents' house shouldn't take any longer than it currently does, since the first segment is all (steep) downhill.

    Cats: I am trying to figure out how we'll feed the cats in the attic. We separate them into different rooms now so they don't eat each other's food. They eat at different paces, so sometimes Pumpkin will eat most of Fae's, but sometimes Fae will eat most of Pumpkin's. It's not consistent. Also, Pumpkin hasn't been eating the raw food for the past couple of days. I've had to resort to kibble, which she'll eat just fine, but she gets hairballs and her left eye gets gunky when she doesn't eat raw. Sprinkling L-Lysine on the dry food helps a little (I always add it to the raw food blend). I'm going to try to switch them to canned for the next 4 days or so, to make the moving a little easier. I also just bought a covered kitty litter box for them. I left it out overnight with no cover on and I'm pretty sure Fae used it (there was litter on the floor in the morning and she digs). I put the cover on today with the door off. I hope we can use the door flap, but we'll see. I'm using the muli-cat formula of World's Best for kitty litter.

    Moving: I will be bringing over some boxes of books tonight and possibly unpack them so we can use the boxes for other things. I realized last night that the space is definitely smaller than my floorplans made it appear. With the sloped ceilings, our placement options for the 40" TV and even our computers w/ monitors is somewhat limited.
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