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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

  1. #7381
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    On personal style:

    For YEARS I have struggled to find a shred of fashion sense within myself. It is only this year that I came to terms with the fact that I obviously have some fashion sense, it's just entirely tuned towards what I like. It really doesn't matter if it doesn't match up with something mainstream or what anybody else likes. When Venus and I go thrift shopping, we tend to laugh at each other's choices for the other because they're just so different from what we like to wear. My wardrobe is not entirely made up of pieces that I *love*, but there is plenty in there that I do, so I'm fairly happy with it.

    There is some kind of fashion aesthetic that has appealed to me since middle school. I was recently reminded of it when Hulky and I re-watched the 6th Harry Potter movie. The film made me want to restyle our apartment. My favorite fashion aesthetic is also much like my favorite interior design style. A bit bohemian, a bit gothic, lots of natural influences, but fairly casual (very functional). I don't know how to describe it really, it'd be useful to have a catch-all term.

    Today I am wearing my favorite full-length, wrinkled, broomstick skirt. It has diagonal pinstripes. My mom bought it for me when I was in high school. At the time, it fit on my hips. Now, I wear it at my waist, but sometimes have to leave it unbuttoned and slightly unzipped (to accommodate bloating). It has a nice weight to it and is fun to walk in. With it, I am wearing a heather gray jersey-like shirt, tucked in, and a simple black cardigan. A big chunky necklace or wrapped scarf would probably work better for this outfit, but I have neither of those things.

    I really want more skirts like this.
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  2. #7382
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    Brain: Mood is pretty okay. I've been feeling a bit less stressed lately. Work has been fairly busy so I think that helps. Things aren't 100% though, I can tell because I have been having trouble typing lately.

    Sleep: I took one herbal sleep aid last night and I did wake up during the night, but I feel more rested this morning. My alarm didn't seem to go off, which is weird because it was definitely set to go when I checked after I got up. The icon was missing from the top of the phone screen, but the alarm had a check mark next to it in the settings. Whatever. I rebooted my phone and fingers crossed it's fine tomorrow.

    Food: I fell into the chocolate again last night. I ate less of it this time so I had all the stomach pain, but no bathroom trips. Again, it was boredom and hunger. I was waiting for my butternut squash to cool. I just need to be more prepared and, again, I need to have some snacks on hand for situations like that. I bought some organic mustard (all safe ingredients for me) yesterday and plan on making some deviled eggs to leave at work for afternoon snacks.

    Body: Slacked on chin-up practice yesterday. I am still not back to being able to do negatives comfortably . I don't understand how I lost all that momentum and STILL haven't gotten it back! I feel like I've been a lot more regular with my chin-up practice lately than I was when I actually achieved negatives.
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  3. #7383
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    If some combination of the following criteria are not met by mid-August, we are planning to move into my parents' attic for ideally no longer than two months: we can't get/get approved for an apartment, Hulky can't find a job.

    We'll inform our landlord about our intent to leave before August 1st so we can use the already provided last month's rent, which will immediately save us some money.

    I think we'll also go talk to my parents' this weekend to make sure that this option IS viable. My mom has pretty much said so, I just want to make it our official back-up plan.

    The idea of saving a couple of months rent is really appealing, but I know the living situation will be really stressful for us and especially for the cats. Hulky is tired of me using the cats as an excuse, but I would honestly rather put their comfort above ours. Poor Pumpkin has been with us for three months and is still a pretty skittish cat. A new environment with another cat, a dog, and more people would probably be very stressful for her.
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  4. #7384
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    Given that she's a shelter cat who was surrounded by strange cats, dogs and people, I'm betting she's more resilient than you're giving her credit for. And it's only 2 months. Just provide her with a safe place to go if she gets stressed - maybe a crate or a special box with a comfy bed just for her - maybe introduce the space to her now so she recognizes it for what it is when you move in with Mom. Keep in mind, if she's going to get stressed, it won't matter if you're moving in with Mom or not. Even a new apartment will cause her stress.

    Reference the leg pain when running. Have you palpated the area that hurts? If you feel pain when you apply pressure to the area, I'd get checked out for stress fractures and stop running immediately. If you can't produce the same pain through palpation, it's probably just shin splits and strengthening plus ice will help. If you can't determine whether or not you can produce the pain with palpation, find a physical therapist who will give you a quick stress fracture test - tuning fork "tuned" applied to the area. My PT told me that if I had a stress fracture, the tuning fork would cause a tremendous "zing" pain in my leg. If that's all they're doing for you, they might not charge for it.

    Good luck!
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  5. #7385
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    Pumpkin likes other cats, but it's the environment I'm worried about most, not just the new cat. She still runs and hides from us regularly and now a dog (no idea how she is with dogs, also a lot of shelter animals hate other cats/dogs so that's not really a good indicator, it's just a personal/cat-by-cat thing) and three other people? She runs and hides from most visitors in the apartment too and you can rarely approach her and she can't be picked up (even by the scruff, she thrashes). That means if she got loose, she'd be gone. At a new apartment, we could at least keep her from going outside, but that will be very difficult with three other people, a dog that goes outside, and another cat that goes outside. I'm not willing for her to get tapeworms again or worse. All that said, it's possible she'd calm down pretty well just having the attic to retreat to, if we kept her confined up there for a bit, like we did when we got her (kept her confined to one bedroom). But she is a VERY active cat and would probably drive us crazy.

    Moving Fae was easy. She was very used to us and all of our furniture, so the new space smelled like the old one. Pumpkin is not so chill.

    I haven't tried running again. It doesn't hurt anymore. Ice and massage helped. I think it's just low electrolytes and not enough stretching.
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  6. #7386
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    I am possibly overreacting about how Pumpkin might respond to the move, but I guess we won't know until we move, whether it's to a new apartment or to my parents' attic. I have to let it go. There's no sense worrying about it until it's a problem. Nothing I can do to make it easier now.

    In other news, Hulky seems to be doing better. We are still making daily To Do lists together. I am mostly providing the items for him, but he's getting them all done. I realized that part of the stress of dealing with his depression is that I feel kind of undervalued and unappreciated for all that I'm doing to keep the apartment in decent order, feed us, etc. Having Hulky express that he actually enjoys getting stuff done on the lists and it makes him look forward to someday being a "stay at home husband" makes me happy though. I just wish I could speed the process along so I could trust that he would do things without me making a list for him. I feel like I am missing some small and regular gestures of devotion, but I don't know what would really help me (what I could ask for).

    I also forgot that he has class today and he went without any reminders from me. Yay. Except it started pouring out a little while ago and there are probably a lot of open windows at the apartment. Boo. I'll try to swing by before or after therapy.
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  7. #7387
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    Lastly: I am very anxious today. There's a delicate line between looking forward to the future and feeling completely unprepared for it. That puts my brain into overdrive, wondering about the cats, worrying about finding an apartment, worrying about Hulky finding/picking a job. It's out of my control and that's terrifying.

    My sister is seeing a gastroenterologist. She went to the ER last week for low potassium (painful bloating) and it was a little better with supplements, but now is lots worse. She said it's all stuck in her small intestines, which makes me think SIBO. I hope the doc has good answers for her. I hope she doesn't end up like me.
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  8. #7388
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    Sorry to hear about your sister. Good to hear about Hulky! Stress is a terrible thing. I also like to know things are under control and not having that feeling is very crappy. I hate it. When I have that feeling, I feel stuck and hopeless - like there's no way out and no matter how hard I try, I'm just spinning my wheels. HOPEFULLY we can both feel more in control soon.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  9. #7389
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    she needs a nice dolma/shawrama in her checks of peaches, hands of alo vera upon the resevoir & gleaming eye contact within the mirror in front, afterwards gluten free berry cake, with a couple of dates, & some tantric ambient music in the background.
    Sent from my GT-I8190N using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app

  10. #7390
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    Quote Originally Posted by Al_noor89 View Post
    she needs a nice dolma/shawrama in her checks of peaches, hands of alo vera upon the resevoir & gleaming eye contact within the mirror in front, afterwards gluten free berry cake, with a couple of dates, & some tantric ambient music in the background.
    Sent from my GT-I8190N using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app
    Weirdest spammer ever?
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