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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

  1. #6871
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    Today is absolutely DRAGGING

    Weekend plans
    -Buy Mother's Day card for Baba, drop off at my parents' house w/ collagen for my mom & my brother's baseball hat
    -Buy b.day card for MIL, Mother's Day card for my mom & MIL
    -Laundry

    And that's it.

    Hulky has a doctor's appointment Monday for his knee & head. I am mostly concerned about his head, as it turns out the knee thing might have just been from his shoes.
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  2. #6872
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post


    Bad pic, but I'm having a relatively good hair day and look, new glasses!

    Sent from my ADR6350 using Tapatalk 2
    Nice. I just saw Spider-Man so now I'm thinking Gwen Stacy?

  3. #6873
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    Gwen Stacy was awesome and an awesome character. I liked the Spider-Man bits of the second movie, but the Peter Parker bits just draaggggeeed. I am such a typical American movie viewer in that respect, I just want to get back to the wit and action. The awkward teenage drama stuff was annoying.

    I got two compliments at work for my vest, both from older men haha. One of them is going to try to set me up with a different job within the company, which is sweet. Could have me relocating to Santa Barbara or Raleigh. No idea what will come of that, since it will largely depend on how much I can impress people. My current initiatives with cleaning up old hardware & making the server room habitable will probably help.

    It's hot and humid today! I'm liking it for now. If only I had taken care of hair removal on my legs.
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  4. #6874
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    Snuggle Pumpkin progress report: she now lets us pick her up for very short periods of time. Sometimes, I just pick her up and put her on my lap. She'll stay there for a little and roll around for pets. We have been able to clip her claws, usually one at a time, over the course of several days. Good progress! We even vacuumed in her room and she didn't go into hiding for hours (just like 15 minutes).

    I just made an amazing smoothie. Banana, 2 T almond butter, almond milk, 1 T maple syrup, 1 T cocoa powder, 3 T collagen hydrosylate, and 1 T diatomaceous earth. Not very filling, unfortunately.
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  5. #6875
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    I had a bad stomachache for a good portion of yesterday. I wonder if it was from the smoothie. I also did not have a BM. I took cascara sagrada last night, don't want to take any chances. Hulky went out with friends and I played video games until much too late.

    Pumpkin seems to be interested in raw food with no effort on my part. Fae whines in the morning after I feed her and follows me around. While we were in the dining room, Pumpkin snuck into the kitchen and started eating Fae's food. If Fae didn't gain weight on commercial food, I'd swap their meals immediately! I guess I really need to get some more jars & small containers so they can both go raw. This will require some extra explaining to FIL when he feeds the cats when we are out of town (just means you put a frozen container in the fridge every time you remove one for a meal). Previously, I'd just had him feed Fae canned food while we were gone.

    I should get out on my bike today. The plan is to bike to work tomorrow so Hulky can get to his doctor's appointment about the concussion. I am sure it will be a difficult ride.
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  6. #6876
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    Didn't bike today, but had a pretty good day aside from another stomachache. I think I forcefully forgot that almond butter wrecks my gut. I don't think my response was as bad last time, if this is what's causing the problems. Could be the DE. I haven't had any yet today.

    Hulky and I went over to my parents' house for a bit. I stayed for dinner, he went and had dinner with his parents. Lamb curry om nom nom.

    I has no lunch for tomorrow. Poor planning and no motivation. It's getting pretty bad, if it's not just "bad" already. I don't have enough energy leftover for myself after keeping Hulky running. I need a vacation from everything, including apartment maintenance and feeding myself. I need to come up with some REALLY easy meals for the next week. I think I might get a bit Peat-ish and eat a bunch of mangoes or other non-citrus fruits.
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  7. #6877
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    I think I dreamt last night that I quit MDA. I can't remember now how it felt. I think I felt relieved. Recently, I thought about deleting this journal, but I like having a record of things. I think it's more likely that I'll start a new journal soon. Maybe in July, for my 3-year anniversary on MDA . I'll have to think about what I want to call it. I want it to be about positivity and getting things done. It's time to leave the laziness behind, even if the depression & anxiety are always things I'll have to deal with. The goal is to limit that extent, of course.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGb6KYJ3qpA&feature=kp
    This band has been fueling my past few days.


    This song is pretty damn sad, but it exemplifies anxiety & depression perfectly. Hulky shared it with me.

    I biked to work this morning. It was my best ride yet this season, I didn't have to downshift at all and I feel like I recovered from the ride fairly quickly. I can't tell you how inspiring that is, to know that my body is cooperating in at least one respect!

    I wrote an ode to my body somewhat recently on here, but I have to say I've been pretty negative things about it lately. I don't know why, but I really don't like my knees! How random/absurd is that? I just feel like they're too big. I know exactly how my legs are inclined to go since they look so much like my mom's, but she is quite a bit heavier than me. For being fairly long, they are also fairly solidly built. I just gotta stack some muscle on them and I'll feel better. I got back to picking up the kettlebell for overhead presses this weekend and am already making strides there. I think my left arm somehow got stronger than my right!

    My gut continues to be wonky. It must be the DE. I will give it a little longer before giving up on it. Maybe I just jumped in with too much. I'll try knocking it back to 1 tsp for the rest of the week. I'm using cascara sagrada every night for now and taking 200 mg of mag citrate with each meal (that doesn't seem to be cutting it). I'm also taking Primal Defense (probiotic) between breakfast & lunch (empty stomach) and before bed. Too soon to say how it affects me, but I have noticed some gut gurgling from it.

    I had an amazing mango & banana smoothie this morning. I need more frozen mangoes so I can make this again!

    I am determined to get on top of making lunches this week. I'll do some brainstorming today. I need easy/fun things.

    I feel much better today than I did last week. I think my moods are finally turning around. The pimples are healing up too.
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  8. #6878
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    I want to be able to run 5k without walking breaks by the end of the summer (I will start running again once I'm comfortable cycling 5x a week). I got close to 5k total for a run last summer, but with walking breaks, so I don't think it'll take too much. I'll definitely do the Couch to 5k interval thing.

    I kind of want to lean out. Just a little. For now though, I'm just focusing on getting back into cycling shape & working on my upper body as much as I can remember to. I have no idea how to lean out .
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  9. #6879
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    This is a long read, but worth it, IMO.
    Why So

    I need to remember that there is not a cure, there is a combination that will keep me healthy and sane. There is no reason to go diving off the deep end because ONE thing didn't work, or even a million things didn't work. I have to keep my variables under control so I can see the bigger picture. Am I expecting DE to solve my gut woes? No, absolutely not. Gluten-free helps, there's no doubt about that. When I've gone longer without it, there's no reason why I can't have it from time to time, but I'm talking maybe once a month for an occasion, not one week on, one week off.

    I'm getting back to the point where, despite my impatience, I'm enjoying my personal experiments. What will happen?! Will my hair grow out long and strong? My nails are doing nicely again, will my skin follow suit? I think fixing my dry skin would be a good focus. I should start adding some coconut oil to my diet, even if it's supplemental.
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  10. #6880
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I need to remember that there is not a cure, there is a combination that will keep me healthy and sane. There is no reason to go diving off the deep end because ONE thing didn't work, or even a million things didn't work. I have to keep my variables under control so I can see the bigger picture. Am I expecting DE to solve my gut woes? No, absolutely not. Gluten-free helps, there's no doubt about that. When I've gone longer without it, there's no reason why I can't have it from time to time, but I'm talking maybe once a month for an occasion, not one week on, one week off.
    This is also my thinking of late ........... we have opposite gut issues..... but are trying so many of the same things to fix it. My poor choices are my worse enemy.

    My mantra needs to be "MAKE GOOD CHOICES".

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