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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 675

  1. #6741
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    Best of luck to ya. I hope it all works out.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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  3. #6743
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    Something my therapist has told me over and over keeps coming up in my head. We cannot MAKE people feel or do anything. How they feel and act is up to them, and to an extent it is a CHOICE. If I say something and Hulky gets upset, I did not MAKE him upset. His response comes from within. My therapist tells me that I have to learn how to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and choose how to act on them. I can react to reflect how I'm feeling, or I can take a moment, breathe, and react in a calmer manner. That kind of technique is how you eventually rid yourself of some kinds of anxiety. It's a self-training process.

    I was so stressed yesterday that I had a hard time not crying. I bonked my head on the back of the couch when I say down too quickly and started laughing, but then started crying. I calmed myself in a few moments with some deep breaths, watched some Futurama with Hulky, and then got about the rest of my evening. I'm not sure how much of this I can handle. I don't know what happens when I have nothing else to give. It's absurdly hard trying to support him while I am also trying to support myself and study for these certification exams. I'm so worried that I'll fail and have to pay for them again.

    I ate junk for dinner last night. Beyond caring right now. At least it was food.
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  4. #6744
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    Yipes money woes all around... One aren't as bad though, just really annoying because I did everything I can to prevent it including suiting a pay inquiry and getting the NCOIC of my *work (not the same as company, so not even my chain of command)* involved. Now I owe the army $3000. Not happy about that, but luckily I don't drink through every paycheck. It'll just be ground beef and potentially freegan chicken for a bit for me.

    I hope things work out for you and Hulky. Sounds like life has had him down as long as I've followed your journal. Hope he'll find some balance and strength somewhere.
    yeah, but "hey i'm Khan the sword king" is not normal.... the universe is being fickle... this is a thing... ignore me for a few weeks.

  5. #6745
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    It sounds like you are under an enormous amount of pressure. How much school does Hulky have left? It's hard to make things happen if you are taking all of the responsibility on yourself and he doesn't have it in him to contribute. Just curious - what happens if Hulky just isn't able to do the work needed to get through school right now or for the next several months? You can't do everything for him, especially if you are sacrificing your own ability to move forward with your certifications and potential earning power. Can he take a year off from the pressures of school and just work, or will he lose funding for school if that happens? I'm so sorry you have to carry that much weight on your shoulders.

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  7. #6747
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    Oh, that changes how I was looking at this. So if he knuckled down and just got a bunch of work done, he would be all set because he's almost done. Gosh, that must be incredibly frustrating to try and balance the empathetic, supportive side with the "you really need to get it done" side.

    Do you think he has anxiety about actually finishing up school and having to move on to the next phase? One of my sons routinely digs himself giant holes at school, with missing assignments and and hiding from the consequences. He is paying for it this semester because as a freshman in high school, teachers are finally expecting him to meet deadlines. They gave him some 2nd and 3rd chances, then drew the line. So he actually failed a class this semester and got poor grades in another subject. It wasn't until he failed that he took it seriously and it makes me want to rip my hair out, because I've been trying and trying to just have him finish his goddamn homework! There are no issues if you simply pass your assignments in on time. But he has this thing where he goes into total avoidance mode when the hole gets too deep. It's like he just gives up and I'm shouting into the wind and he is giving me lip service to shut me up in return. It's so frustrating because he needs to learn to be responsible for getting things done by himself but I also don't want him to fail.

  8. #6748
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  9. #6749
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I'm sitting right next to him trying to find a balance between shoving his face into his textbooks and soothingly patting his back.
    Something about this statement made me smile.

    I move into avoidance mode a lot too. I avoid conflict and I avoid things that stress me out (i.e. people I have strained relationships with, dealing with financial stuff, cleaning my house) so I can understand the logic you speak of. But sometimes, you have to stop ignoring the elephant in the corner or you'll find it's gotten so big it's now sitting on your chest.

    It sucks that he got so sick and it sucks that he fell so far behind, but at some point, you have to put on the big kid britches even when you don't want to and take care of your responsibilities. I really hope Hulky can find the strength to pull it together long enough to get everything for school done.

    And I hope he does it soon so as not to further stress you out. Hugs to you. The pressure you must be feeling is unfair.
    Primal since March 5, 2012
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    My favorite quote too. Hang in there girl.

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