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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 63

  1. #621
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    Feeling fine this morning. Thoughts on the depression: could've been too much theanine (eh, who knows, I took 2 in the morning on a whim), could've been too much 5-HTP (took one at dinner, one at bedtime, think i'll stick with one from now on). Dinner was a complete failure last night (pork chops simmered with onions and peppers in chicken broth), I followed a recipe, but it tasted foul. I ate it anyway and will finish it today for the sake of my budget. I am SO out of ideas for recipes. I'm tired of planning food and having boyfriend reject everything. He said he's really looking forward to cooking again, but I'm not looking forward to it because I'm worried he might just make things I can't eat.

    Anyway, onto day 7.
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  2. #622
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    Dear Nameless,

    Hi there! I've been reading your journal for awhile now. Depression is something I have struggled with since my teens. I still take 10 mg of Lexapro daily but I am considering weaning myself off from it...I've made the mistake of stopping my meds in the past and falling apart, though, so I'm a little wary. But I really admire you for taking charge of your mental health the primal way.

    I'm not sure why your boyfriend might make things you can't eat, but I hope you can still get what you need. I have no idea if this helps, but my husband is not primal but does the cooking. So, he ends up cooking himself a lot of sides of rice, or having bread on the side.

    Good luck with your Whole 30 +! Looking forward to seeing how you feel at the end!

    SP

  3. #623
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    I am SO out of ideas for recipes. I'm tired of planning food and having boyfriend reject everything. He said he's really looking forward to cooking again, but I'm not looking forward to it because I'm worried he might just make things I can't eat.
    I totally have the same problem! For all the steak and bacon and yummy things I make, when I ask the husband what he wants for dinner he always says "Fried rice, pizza... Oh, I guess those aren't allowed" so I've stopped asking. I find it useful to keep a little notebook and jot down things I make for dinner, then when I'm at a loss I can leaf through it for ideas. That and Chowstalker.
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  4. #624
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    Whine, whine, whine. Just a warning.

    I have a million bookmarks for dinner, but everything always requires things I don't have. I don't like stocking up on veggies that I'm not sure I'll use because I usually end up throwing them out. I guess it'll just take time before I can go "Oh well, I can still use this for [insert blank] instead of the original recipe since I already used [some other thing] up!" It just makes me feel a bit useless not being resourceful with food, but that's mostly the depression talking. Other times I don't really care.

    Unlike yesterday, when I woke up feeling okay and started to collapse later on, I woke up feeling pretty defeated. I wrote down on my food log for the nutritionist that I was making a smoothie at 11:30 and it's now almost noon. I also need to get the chicken in the slow cooker, but the motivation is really missing. Laundry must be done today and my motivation for that is I DON'T WANT TO PUT IT OFF TILL NEXT WEEK AND HAVE YET ANOTHER LOAD OF 2 WEEKS OF LAUNDRY. It's heavy and I hate it and it takes forever.

    I've used my kettlebell a few times this week and may do more swings today.

    Still congested. I might try the neti pot again today since I can breath easier. I kind of want the Whole 30 to not work in ruling out the post nasal drip so I can go back to being lazy primal. Bad me, bad. Week one down and I'm wallowing in a depression and very concerned about making it through the whole 30 days. Hah maybe that's why they call it that. What's wrong, body? What do you need?

    Hair is still green. I think I'll do purple when all is said and done and I can bleach it again, because I don't want to deal with the green rinsing out forever and ever again. I can deal with purple/pink fading, I've done that before and everybody loves it.
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  5. #625
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    Time for a big post, which seems appropriate to start off the week.

    Stress: On the one hand, yes, I've been "letting the stress get to me", but on the other, there are many things out of my control right now that are adding stress to my life. What I need to do to make it easier on myself is remember to accept that it's out of my control. Boyfriend's surgery is Friday morning, which will be the first step in managing the stress, but overall I could be doing a better job with recognizing my stress, accepting it, and moving on. This was hard to do during the brief depression at the end of last week, but now that I'm mindful of it, I feel that I can manage the stress a little easier. One moment at a time...

    Sleep: I've quit raiding on Warcraft for now, which means the only reason I should be staying up later than 10:30pm is a) Castle 10pm-11pm on Monday nights (unless boyfriend is raiding, then we'll watch another night) or if we go out to a movie. I think I'll try to allot myself one night a week that I can stay up till midnight, but otherwise try to be in bed by 10pm, and start reading again as that helps me relax. Looks like I need to invest in some books! So much for my budget...though I do have the rest of the Sword of Truth series to finish (kind of lost interest last summer though).

    Weight: I'm somewhere around or below 123lbs currently. Let's see... 128lbs in early November, I think. 123lbs by December. I can see the change in my body and I'm not comfortable or used to this size anymore. I fit into my size 4 pants again. There's no reason for me to be this small! It's not like I have some really amazing clothes in this size! I don't want to have to take in all my pants (and damn, I just took some in over the weekend, finally, and if I gain back the weight, they probably won't fit!). The only benefit to being smaller is that muscle definition should show quicker, but that leads us to food...

    Food: Boyfriend says I'm not eating. I have to really think about this. My IF'ing may seem like "not eating" to him, and he's probably right in one respect: I don't eat enough after a fast to recover from it. And for fuck's sake, should I really be fasting if I don't need to lose weight? That's a tough one. Can I get away with it and NOT lose weight? I need to read up on good carbs and see what will be easiest for me to start incorporating to try to hit 100g of carbs daily. I might track carbs only in FitDay or [what's that paleo one?] to make sure I get a sense of what gets me there. I also REALLY need to make this the year of the salad. I have not tried to tackle salads still, and that would really help me in many ways! I might start paying to build a salad downstairs at the cafe so I don't have to worry about keeping my own fresh components at home. I can bring my own meat to add.

    I may have some meat go bad this week, which is disappointing, but that's what happens when you hit a slump and have no interest in making food. If it's not bad by tonight, chicken thighs with asparagus and white rice for dinner! I fully intend on cooking the sausages I got into sausage patties...but motivation is still a huge issue.

    Side note: I just calculated yesterday's food in Fitday...uh...I barely hit 1000 calories. Okay, I'm not eating enough most days! Fuck. I'm an idiot. I miss eating eggs, that would make breakfast time a lot easier for me. BACK TO 3 SQUARE MEALS A DAY, LAZY PANTS.

    Goals for recent concerns: Find and consume more primal carbs. Add a few servings of rice per week with dinner, maybe, as well. EAT MORE FOOD, DAMMIT. Remember to breathe.

    Exercise: I've been picking up the KB every now and then. I need to give my inner-thighs a break so I did some two-handed dips with the KB behind my head this morning, definitely works the core. I'd like to reward myself with a removable pull-up bar (not the kind that screws in, don't think the land lady would like that) at the end of the month and I really need core strength so I can do some pull-ups at next New Year's Eve party (there was a bar at the party I went to and I displayed my lack of core and resolved to be able to do at least one pull-up next year).


    My friend, who writes Paleo on a Budget, is getting married in October! I'm excited. I love weddings! (I couldn't find a better meme/gif, sadness.)
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #626
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    Oh and because you care so much (maybe drssgchic does), I'm thinking of maybe NOT bleaching & dyeing my whole head of hair. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I got a bit nervous about going all out again. It was all well and good when I was in college, going full pink, but even if they said it's okay, I'm nervous about the potential "Um...can you change your hair please?" now that I work in an office. I'd have to get a wig, which is not okay. Some alternatives I've thought of: doing a very light all-over bleach just to lighten things up & get rid of some more green/blue, then doing blue/purple (a mix, so that it wouldn't fade to green like this time); bleaching like Rogue (as in the X-woMan) and just dyeing that part purple; bleaching the undercut area (straight line around the back of the head at ear level, from where the eyeglasses rest on your ears) and just dyeing that. I could also dye the whole thing after a partial bleach job so I have some temporary all-over color, but keep the vibrant stuff to one area. I like the undercut idea (I wouldn't buzz it, just using the term to reference the area) because it would look neat when I wear my hair up.

    I might increase my shampooings to twice a week with conditioning in between to get the green/blue out faster so I can do an all over box-kit bleach at the end of the month. Fingers crossed! I've never dyed my hair when it was this long.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  7. #627
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    Side note: I just calculated yesterday's food in Fitday...uh...I barely hit 1000 calories. Okay, I'm not eating enough most days! Fuck. I'm an idiot. I miss eating eggs, that would make breakfast time a lot easier for me. BACK TO 3 SQUARE MEALS A DAY, LAZY PANTS.
    GET TO WORK LAZY PANTS.

    Good for you!

    1000 cals would make me a sad panda.

    3 meals a day seems to even out my energy. Big protein breakfast is awesome too. (I'm doing leptin reset.) 3 days in and my energy levels have evened out and I'm not nearly as manic as I used to be. Apparently it's not enough to just eat the right foods, timing is key.

    Anywho... If you don't like losing weight, GET ON THAT PROTEIN and EAT SOME SWEET POTATOES.

    You seem to not realize how much we all really care (mostly because everyone else in our lives wont seem to care at all about anything!!)

    Telling my wife that I'm doing this alone was the biggest step I've taken with my health. When you post on my journal, I don't feel alone anymore. Don't fret about the calories thing too much though, Sure, you aren't eating enough, but your body told you that already. You don't need numbers, just watch how your body feels and do your best to correct it. Maybe you could use a leptin reset. Who knows? Give whole 30 a try with a big protein breakfast and 3 meals a day. Couldn't hurt, could it?
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  8. #628
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    I'm guessing that once your get your calories up, your mood will improve, too!! Good luck, sweetie. I haven't had to worry about being under0weight since I was 15, so I can't give any actual advice

  9. #629
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    Quote Originally Posted by MikkiB View Post
    I'm guessing that once your get your calories up, your mood will improve, too!! Good luck, sweetie. I haven't had to worry about being under0weight since I was 15, so I can't give any actual advice
    +1

    It's true. Get a LOT of protein every morning. That should definitely help.
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  10. #630
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    I already know that a bit protein breakfast suits me really well, as well as 3 meals a day. I just kind of dropped the ball on that this month with the exclusion of eggs. I did breakfast a few times and then stopped. Just lots of stressful things that keep my brain from staying on track, I guess. And I guess it's not the end of the world if I have TWO sweet potatoes in one day (plus then I can make them mashed with some cinnamon and ghee, which is so tasty, but one is not enough for that). They're friggin' delicious, after all. Anyway, yes, 3 meals a day is a must. Chicken stock is not enough in the morning!

    I do forget that people care. Boyfriend is kind of wrapped up in his pain-filled world so having his mom suddenly ask me if I'm losing weight and then him telling me with some feeling that I'm not eating kind of hit hard. Hullo, stupid, you're not alone. It's so easy for me to pop back into my depressive loaner tendencies. This weekend was especially rough because I really wanted to see someone and get motivated, but I didn't bother seeing what my mom was up to and my sister was unavailable. I'm sure my mom would've been happy to go into Harvard Square to get some tea with me (someone gave me a clay tea pot for loose leaf tea for New Years, a nice surprise).
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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