Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 60

[drssgchic]

So that's what it was called. Mexican Chocolate cake. My wife made this for me and it was awesome, like a big ass brownie.

Mine was Mexican Chocolate Cake because of the spices. I had to buy chili powder for it. Who'da thunk? This particular one was from a site for people with allergies. I was doing a Whole 30, but I'd promised them I'd bake something. I figured of wheat, dairy, and sugar- sugar really was the least offensive. But it was really rich and brownie-ish.

I think I'm in for January's Whole 30. I need to get serious. Aaw- that means giving up my cream It probably wasn't doing me any favors anyway.

[namelesswonder]

Guess what I have for lunch? Leftover beef stew! It was very very tasty (boyfriend added a lot of garlic and onion powder, and pepper, otherwise the broth would have been pretty bland). Not a lot of fat in it (just what was in the meat, which was perfect, it pretty much fell apart in my mouth), so I felt a bit rumbly later, but water helped that. I finished the last (stale) pfeffernusse last night so there's no more temptation in the house. Tonight is a friend's holiday party though and I don't know what kind of food will be there. I might cook us dinner beforehand since we'll head out later due to traffic anyway. I'm going to shoot for one crock pot recipe per week because it'll get us through a couple of meals, at least. My mom gave me her crock pot cook book since she lost her pot.

Someone (maybe the visiting HR person) at the office brought in two HUGE (think packing) boxes of salt water taffy. I had a piece. I want to bring some home for boyfriend, but at the same time, I really don't want to feed either of our sugar habits! No, better that I don't tell him about it and don't bring any home. He gets an injection of dye in his shoulder today and an MRI.

I got very anxious last night. It was also another afternoon of skipping my second dose of Theanine. I have no idea how Theanine would affect my anxiety, but it seems more and more likely that it does. I got anxious about my tattoo design, which the artist emailed me back about again and I still really don't like the sketch. I'm worried that I saw something in her art that she can't do for me and I know I'm not being assertive enough about what I want. I took some time to think about it this morning and drew up my own sketch. Owls are very difficult to draw and make them look realistic! I had fun sketching this morning though. I don't draw often anymore, but I always enjoy it. Something to keep in mind...

[Jenny]

90% chocolate and migraines -- could it be caffeine-related, maybe? I am clueless about how much is actually in chocolate but I hear there is some.

Beef stew sounds nummy. We just made some new stew where we actually bothered browning the meat first -- hopefully it will taste that much better as a result. And you can't go wrong with garlic and onion, as noted!

Taffy. Glad you could keep it to one piece and enjoy it, that would be tough for me. I don't have much of a sweet tooth but I do like SWtaffy for nostalgia value.

MRI -- hope his shoulder ends up OK.

Theanine -- I must have missed this in my reading, is skipping Theanine a goal of yours or just something that happened and seems related?

[namelesswonder]

Definitely not a goal to skip it, I just often forget the afternoon dose and it seems like I get more anxious on those days. I want to make sure I stay on top of taking a morning and afternoon dose for a while to see if my anxiety seems to reduce.

Of course today I have work-related stress with a borked Windows install (out of the friggin' blue) and email not being 100% (after being down half the day yesterday) so it's not a good day to see if the second dose helps ><

[namelesswonder]

Jenny, it could be the caffeine, but I don't know for sure. I don't eat consistently clean enough to rule anything out! I had a square last night to prevent my cravings from taking us to IHOP and felt fine after. It wasn't all that amazing, I just needed something to nibble on and a sweet potato didn't sound appealing at the time.

I forgot to mention my breakfast yesterday (which was also my dinner last night, boyfriend had leftover manicotti that his mom made for Xmas dinner) which was ground beef with mixed veggies. I was in a rush for breakfast yesterday so the veggies didn't get stir fried with any fat. I stir fried frozen spinach in KG butter for last night's dinner. It was about 1/2 lb of ground beef for each serving and totally filling and delicious, but I was still craving something after dinner, so I had that square of dark chocolate. I think I will go back to trying the occasional spoonful of coconut oil as a craving cure, as almond butter is easy to go overboard with.

I went to bed before 10PM last night, but woke up around midnight, I fell back asleep until boyfriend came back to bed, but had trouble falling asleep because I was worrying about finances. I am really looking forward to not having any major holidays in January to spend for! I'm not going to be able to eat or order out due to the Whole30 so that should help me keep some cash too. I slept in until 8AM but still got to work on time because I skipped breakfast. I have to take boyfriend to a doctor's appointment to try to get more pain pills in a little while, I'll eat the rest of my beef stew and a sweet potato when I get back.

I forgot to take my supplements (lately it's been Acidophilus, Theanine and Vit D) this morning altogether. That's pretty rare, but I chalk it up to the messed up sleep. I could've taken the Theanine when I got to work, but I forgot again, so I'll just wait till the afternoon. It seems like my anxiety and depression only flares up in the evening now. I'd like to try to figure out why that is. Maybe it's cortisol issues?

Speaking of cortisol, tomorrow is my appointment to review the thyroid testing I had done. I'm really nervous. What if he says it's normal? I guess that would mean I'm just lazy.

I'm feeling okay today mood-wise, but a little too easily depressed.

[drssgchic]

According to my therapist- there is no such thing as lazy. It's all about priorities

Ooh- I have some spinach in the freezer- I'll have to try that with some beef- or something. Maybe with the leftover duck? The Whole 30 will be good for me for cleaning out the leftovers that I'm supposed to eat but have been putting off in favor of less healthy options.

Good luck with the results being something fixable!

[namelesswonder]

I sat in on the appointment, boyfriend and his doctor are a good fit. His doctor basically quietly tears boyfriend up for not taking care of himself without directly saying so. It's a good time. Doctor also updated my medical history to include my dad's heart attack since it came up, which was very nice of him.

Boyfriend has a labral tear in his shoulder. We won't know more until he goes to see the doctor next week and they tell him how exactly it's torn etc. Recovery post-surgery can be up to 3 weeks and complete healing is 3-4 months, according to my brief Googling. I just hope he can get the surgery soon. This is his last refill on the pain killers, doctor won't prescribe him anymore. Doctor gave him suggestions for sleeping, which involves getting his arm into the anatomically neutral position (google "sleeping astronaut" and look at their floating arms) with pillows, and possibly sleeping in a chair. Here's hoping it helps!

[fpsjosh01]

According to my therapist- there is no such thing as lazy. It's all about priorities

Ooh- I have some spinach in the freezer- I'll have to try that with some beef- or something. Maybe with the leftover duck? The Whole 30 will be good for me for cleaning out the leftovers that I'm supposed to eat but have been putting off in favor of less healthy options.

Good luck with the results being something fixable!

I guess it's the season for "resolutions." How about this one? (incoming terrible advice XD) Instead of strictly conforming to whole 30, why don't you stick to a protocol I like to call WHOLE YOU. Where you're happy and you don't elevate your cortisol levels trying to eat everything you should already be eating anyway?

In all seriousness, good luck you two. I know I'm personally gonna need it.

I sat in on the appointment, boyfriend and his doctor are a good fit. His doctor basically quietly tears boyfriend up for not taking care of himself without directly saying so. It's a good time. Doctor also updated my medical history to include my dad's heart attack since it came up, which was very nice of him.

Boyfriend has a labral tear in his shoulder. We won't know more until he goes to see the doctor next week and they tell him how exactly it's torn etc. Recovery post-surgery can be up to 3 weeks and complete healing is 3-4 months, according to my brief Googling. I just hope he can get the surgery soon. This is his last refill on the pain killers, doctor won't prescribe him anymore. Doctor gave him suggestions for sleeping, which involves getting his arm into the anatomically neutral position (google "sleeping astronaut" and look at their floating arms) with pillows, and possibly sleeping in a chair. Here's hoping it helps!

Anatomic neutral is probably more ridiculous in practice than the doc says. My advice, albeit a bit more concrete and might not work, would be to ice the area 3 times (going through the cycle of cold, burn, ache, numb) then removing it and applying it again to the injury site.

Reducing the inflammation there is important and the numbness of ice makes everything feel less.

[namelesswonder]

But then I would have built my whole support community on a lie! I even updated my signature!

BTW see my last post (posted while you were typing yours!) for info on boyfriend's shoulder, if you're curious.

I've got the "can and can't" food list on the fridge, I hope boyfriend doesn't make this too hard for me.

[namelesswonder]

We ordered out tonight, I got Sushi. I have no food prepared for breakfast or lunch tmrw and I don't think I'm going to feel inclined to deal with it in the morning either.

Depression sets in and I'm having a glass of wine. I AM SO TIRED OF COOKING ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Screw budgeting.