Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 6

[Finnegans Wake]

Oh, hard to believe I could have possibly omitted something...

I know primal isn't big on cheese, but I've found that keeping cheese around has been a lifesaver in terms of combating afternoon hunger pangs. And my go-to lunch has been a hunk of goat cheese and some roasted vegetables with extra virgin olive oil. Maybe try some cheese and see how it works?

[namelesswonder]

Thank you for all of that! Interesting note about the username choice... I started using that pseudonym sometime in high school, I think, when I began to feel like my name didn't suit me at all. Part of the problem is that the name I've gone by for my entire life up until last year (Tasha) is a nickname. My legal name is Natalia, but nobody, not even my parents (except when I was seriously in trouble) ever called me that. I started to use it at my first post-college job last year and am using it now at my second. I've gotten used to it, but it still doesn't feel right for me. I feel more connected to terms of endearment (sweetie, love) from my boyfriend than any name. Using "namelesswonder" is probably part of the reason why I don't make real connections online though (though I'm kind of scared to anyway). I have been frequenting a forum called "punk rock domestics" for about 4 yrs now and despite many other people making friends with other members, I never have.

I welcome a bit of new-agey wisdom

[self-editing] I realize there's no use to whining about my struggles since acknowledging my depression & anxiety, so I won't. I've been keeping a fairly active journal both written and online for a number of years now (written, probably since the age of 10, online since 14 or so). I have not been writing in my written journal much lately, feeling very busy even when I'm not, but I am going to make an effort to set aside time for it before bed. I find that once I start writing, even just about my day, there's always more to add. I'm just trying to keep this one on MDA more health related than anything else, otherwise I'll be prone to more whining. And I do want to be positive, but it's hard! Okay, that's enough whining =P

I'll get back to you on the veggies. I appreciate the offer, truly. There are a couple of local farms in the area that I intend on checking out (and price shopping, ugh) that my mother used to frequent, and there is a weekly farmers' market in town through October I think! Once I stop slacking and getting to work earlier, I'll be able to swing by after work for the tail end of it, otherwise I'll enlist my boyfriend to check it out. Local eggs would be great, it reminds me of my grandmother (she's been in the hospital a lot this year, we're very close and I'm trying to accept what will eventually come) who once had chickens. My dad taught me how to make omelettes with those beautiful, large, brown eggs. Baba also kept a garden, which is why I associate cucumber, carrots and cherries (she didn't grow the cherries) as an awesome side dish. It was part of my lunch today!

Oh and don't get me wrong about fish: I love it! Swordfish is my favorite. Yes, I've just been afraid of "doing it wrong", but I know that even a bit of lemon goes a long way. Come to think of it, almond or coconut crusted fish instead of crushed Ritz crackers would probably be good...

Oh yes, and I don't keep any secrets about my therapy and medication anymore. I'm very upfront about it with my boss, so he knows what my doctor's appointments are about, and with anybody who is interested. I have a history of self-injury and was hospitalized once for a suicide attempt. That's many years past now, but obviously still things I struggle with. The severity of my depression and anxiety? Really not so bad in comparison to others, maybe. I dislike being in large groups of people for outings (even when they're not with me, like at the mall). Speaking to people I don't know is a struggle, I stutter a little sometimes even just making an order for food! Some days, I just get down, and I'd like to see if eating properly and moving regularly could help with that. Yesterday was a prime example of just a down day (I didn't go to work), but today I feel pretty good!

[me2]

Have you looked into estrogen dominance as a possible culprit for your heavy flow?

Scroll down to symptoms: Estrogen Dominance - Energetic Nutrition

Check out the table that explains the effects of estrogen & progesterone: DrLam.com - Adrenal Fatigue Center - Body. Mind. Nutrition.

Hope this helps!

[Finnegans Wake]

For the record, I like the name Natalia!

Funny you should mention punk rock, makes me all nostalgic and whatnot. I grew up in a very conservative, semi-rural area (think Amish country!) and went to work in a local record store when I was in my early 20s. Literally a record store, all vinyl, CDs weren't even around. Nobody except bikers had tats and guys didn't get their ears pierced unless they wanted to get beaten up. So at the time, to wear all black, boots and spiked hair and earrings and all that, it was me sort of exploding my shyness. It's funny, people I'm friends with used to come into the store, and they say I scared them. Not to worry, I'm all neat and suburban now, LOL! But the glory days of thrashy punk and carefree adventure were also what I now call my black days, and not because of what I wore.

Now, everyone's experience is different, but I got to the point where I was just tired of feeling... anxiety, depression, laziness, for starters. And I did start to roll out some changes: quit smoking, started working out (a little); I stopped wearing black and consciously chose a new favorite color (green, color of life); and even though I didn't believe myself, I told myself to smile, and to just be positive. I was in hell, but I was smiling. I had been through a psychotic funhouse of a relationship and was just burned out on the idea of finding a good relationship. But slowly things changed. They really did. It took a while, but I started to feel more genuinely happy about the everyday, and wouldn't you know that when you're not looking, that's when you find someone? It's hard for me to even relate to those old feelings now. So just consider that all the social awkwardness, stuttering, self-deprecation, anxiety, and depression are not your natural states of being. They will be overcome.

Laziness, maybe not so much.

I used to be painfully shy. I think you can tell that's sort of passed, right?

Make this journal work for you. Don't be afraid to express your doubts and anxieties, but also use them to fuel your desire to overcome. Don't think of it as whining about your struggles. Whine. Scream. Kick the walls, figuratively. Get out the toxins, anything that holds you back, keeps you weak, makes you crazy. Focus on strengthening yourself.

OK.

I get my eggs from local farmers, and cannot stand grocery store eggs. My eggs are usually days old, as opposed to weeks and even months old. You can tell the yolks have some ooomph to them, and aren't just watery snots. And the yolks... the beautiful yolks! Deep gold, almost orange, you can tell those birds were eating bugs and foraging, instead of eating a "vegetarian diet... including marigolds!" (The Purdue people must think that's the bird's natural diet or something?) I can taste the difference. As I can with fresh local grass-fed beef and good local raw milk...

Well, gotta run. Hope to see you around!

[namelesswonder]

me2, I only fit into a couple of the symptoms described in the Moderate Estrogen Dominance section of the chart, so I doubt that's it (migraines, heavy bleeding with clots, depression, only recently debilitating cramps). My libido is usually increased during my period, actually, but I am too depressed to act on it hah. But decreased progesterone definitely seems likely. I'll keep reading into it.

I had pink hair for about a year and loved it. So much maintenance, but I'm thinking of doing something like that again just to spice things up. I like to get piercings when I get *really* antsy for change, but it's been a while (I really don't have that many). I've been trying to increase color in my wardrobe for a while, I'm mostly out of my black phase at least! Purple is my favorite.

[LitheGrokkette]

I am still SO hungry all the time. I only got about 1500 calories today. Again, still just can't figure out what to eat to fill up. My 3 egg omelette with garlic and cheese this morning was delicious, but not filling. I bought some small steaks today and tons of other stuff... $95 grocery bill! Yeesh. Usually, it's less than half that for most of the week. Steak tomorrow, mmmm!

Hi namelesswonder! Just reading through your posts - good stuff. This may or may not be a good tip for you - it depends on whether or not you like coconut. I just discovered this stuff called Artisana Coconut Butter. It is delicious. I had a couple of spoonfuls with lunch and I have been full all day, but not in a bad way. My energy level is quite a bit higher also.

[namelesswonder]

I'll check it out. In the past, I have not been a coconut fan, but maybe that has/will change.

[namelesswonder]

Here's what I ate yesterday.


Uploaded with ImageShack.us
Click on it to get the fullsize image. I'm getting too many carbs and don't know how to cut back without going hungry even more =(

[girlarchitect]

Regarding carbs, it looks like you took a big hit yesterday with that cherry crisp - which I'm guessing was a delicious treat yesterday but yeilded 113 carbs which alone is probably above your daily carb goals.. If you take out the crisp you had 78 grams of carbs for the day which is reasonable. That looks like your primary culprit there.

So, the question is what could you have as an satisfying alternative to a crisp?Berries in cream is one of my favorite desserts and might work. While I am certainly not going to suggest you never have a crisp again, would a bowl of fresh cherries and whole cream been satifying for you instead? It's an amazingly luxurious meal. One cup of fresh cherries and a half cup of whole cream would yield you only 22 carbs, 3.7 grams protein, 44 grams fat and 484 calories. Alternatively you could use coconut milk instead which has a natural sweetness you might want and the texture is almost like melted ice-cream - similar carb and protein count, but half the calories and half the fat.

I realize that the crisp was probably something someone brought to work and everyone shared and it can be hard to resist the free delicious yummy-ness or some other social even that put that sugary berry goodness right in front of you. And those are difficult situations that you will need to find ways to either avoid or build into your 20%.

Anyway, it's just a thought.

[Finnegans Wake]

What about a clafouti? I've never made one before, but I'm thinking of doing it this weekend. Berries, eggs... and a little flour and sugar, but not as bad as other desserts, I suspect... Good idea about using coconut milk for sweetness, GA!