Thank you for all of that! Interesting note about the username choice... I started using that pseudonym sometime in high school, I think, when I began to feel like my name didn't suit me at all. Part of the problem is that the name I've gone by for my entire life up until last year (Tasha) is a nickname. My legal name is Natalia, but nobody, not even my parents (except when I was seriously in trouble) ever called me that. I started to use it at my first post-college job last year and am using it now at my second. I've gotten used to it, but it still doesn't feel right for me. I feel more connected to terms of endearment (sweetie, love) from my boyfriend than any name. Using "namelesswonder" is probably part of the reason why I don't make real connections online though (though I'm kind of scared to anyway). I have been frequenting a forum called "punk rock domestics" for about 4 yrs now and despite many other people making friends with other members, I never have.
I welcome a bit of new-agey wisdom
[self-editing] I realize there's no use to whining about my struggles since acknowledging my depression & anxiety, so I won't. I've been keeping a fairly active journal both written and online for a number of years now (written, probably since the age of 10, online since 14 or so). I have not been writing in my written journal much lately, feeling very busy even when I'm not, but I am going to make an effort to set aside time for it before bed. I find that once I start writing, even just about my day, there's always more to add. I'm just trying to keep this one on MDA more health related than anything else, otherwise I'll be prone to more whining. And I do want to be positive, but it's hard! Okay, that's enough whining =P
I'll get back to you on the veggies. I appreciate the offer, truly. There are a couple of local farms in the area that I intend on checking out (and price shopping, ugh) that my mother used to frequent, and there is a weekly farmers' market in town through October I think! Once I stop slacking and getting to work earlier, I'll be able to swing by after work for the tail end of it, otherwise I'll enlist my boyfriend to check it out. Local eggs would be great, it reminds me of my grandmother (she's been in the hospital a lot this year, we're very close and I'm trying to accept what will eventually come) who once had chickens. My dad taught me how to make omelettes with those beautiful, large, brown eggs. Baba also kept a garden, which is why I associate cucumber, carrots and cherries (she didn't grow the cherries) as an awesome side dish. It was part of my lunch today!
Oh and don't get me wrong about fish: I love it! Swordfish is my favorite. Yes, I've just been afraid of "doing it wrong", but I know that even a bit of lemon goes a long way. Come to think of it, almond or coconut crusted fish instead of crushed Ritz crackers would probably be good...
Oh yes, and I don't keep any secrets about my therapy and medication anymore. I'm very upfront about it with my boss, so he knows what my doctor's appointments are about, and with anybody who is interested. I have a history of self-injury and was hospitalized once for a suicide attempt. That's many years past now, but obviously still things I struggle with. The severity of my depression and anxiety? Really not so bad in comparison to others, maybe. I dislike being in large groups of people for outings (even when they're not with me, like at the mall). Speaking to people I don't know is a struggle, I stutter a little sometimes even just making an order for food! Some days, I just get down, and I'd like to see if eating properly and moving regularly could help with that. Yesterday was a prime example of just a down day (I didn't go to work), but today I feel pretty good!