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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 588

  1. #5871
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    Primal Fuel
    Haha, I wish we could collect reserves of Vitamin D. I wonder if some people are predisposed to not store it well?

    I've been seeing SAMe mentioned here and there. First in "The Mood Cure", but elsewhere online. I'm tempted to ask Hulky to try it, but I don't want to offer him something that I don't know a lot about. He agreed to try mag citrate because he brought up some bowel issues & I recognized it as him asking me (indirectly, without actually asking haha) what I would do. Note to self: follow-up with him on how that's working for him. He did the same with Vitamin D by telling me about his doctor's recommendations (and that he was deficient in D last summer). He has not asked for help with the depression except for my assistance in keeping him fed, hydrated, and on some kind of schedule. He really hates school so that doesn't help things. I think that's what happens when you go out into the world and work BEFORE going to school. I would love to go back to school & learn instead of work, but only in retrospect.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  2. #5872
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    I'm in PMS week. Must remember that. For the past two cycles, I've noticed that my boobs get quite a bit bigger during this week! For the last two months, my libido sky-rocketed at this time, but not this month. With my gut more out of whack than usual and my sleep schedule messed up, I'm not surprised (but still disappointed).

    Hulky is driving me a bit crazy right now. I don't know how to talk to him about it without turning into a raging bitch. I guess I'll save it for therapy on Friday.

    My two January goals were
    -body brushing (just legs) before showers
    -10 squats per day

    I'm keeping up with the first goal as it takes less than a minute before I hop in the shower. It doesn't seem to be helping my dry skin at all. My skin overall is perpetually dry in winter. Moisturizing regularly and after showers does not seem to make a difference. I hate it. My second goal I started forgetting about so today I printed out some calendar pages. One is for Hulky so he can track whatever he wants on it (I thought maybe mag citrate, since he's been forgetting to take it). The other two are so I can track my squats (will probably tape on bedroom wall and keep a pen nearby so I can write how many I did before bed) and whatever else. I don't think there's anything else I need to keep track of right now. Long-term for Hulky, I want to get one of those big desk calendars and hang each month up on the wall as a poster so he can write down assignment due-dates, appointments, and make schedules for himself to get work done. He is a fan of this idea, so I'm pretty excited about it. I hope it helps.

    I realized this weekend that my efforts to avoid being a pack rat like m y parents have really paid off. I swung by their house to drop something off and nobody was home. I thought I'd poke around in my old closet, but I couldn't get into it because of my brother's stuff in the way. He has toys in his room from when he was maybe 5 yrs old and he's going to be 16 soon! He has way more toys than he needs. My parents have way more clothes than they need. My dad could use a larger dresser. And in general, they have absolutely no organization system except piles of stuff. It was disturbing to see. I think it's gotten worse since my sister and I moved out. Hulky helps keep my messy habits on track (the Army was good at getting him organized) and I do at least yearly clean-ups of all my stuff. Not to say that I don't hang onto things longer than I probably need to, but it's never that bad.

    Now I feel like doing a winter cleaning session. There are some old sewing projects abandoned for so long or in need of so much work that I'd rather just throw out at this point.

    I am hella grumpy & tired today and would so much rather be at home. The honeymoon is my sole motivation for not taking days off.

    I had a mango smoothie this morning. Very tasty . Lunch is gluten-free tuna casserole (brown rice rotini), mandarin orange, and banana. Snack is hot cocoa (pink himalayan salt, cocoa powder, collagen hydrosylate, hot water). Dinner... Not sure yet. Probably chicken & roasted taters or something like that, as long as I didn't let the chicken go bad while defrosting in the fridge for several days.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  3. #5873
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    I'm ordering the Vitamin D and Vitamin K now. The Vit D should be here Thursday and I plan on starting me and Hulky on it (another thing that the calendar I printed will be good for) immediately. I am craving sunshine. I can already tell a difference in light these days and it's only been a few weeks since the solstice. I want to move so we don't have to deal with this! I would be willing to sacrifice proximity to the ocean for more sunshine year-round, if it came down to it. Stupid Vitamin D deficiency & PMS; this is an awful combination. I would love to move somewhere that it might be possible for us to survive on a single income too... Right now, I don't think anywhere would make that a reality (maybe after I get certified?). If we can't move out of MA, but Hulky DOES find a job around here, I think we'll try and relocate within the area (so that we can still get to work easily enough) and downsize to a 1BR to save a little money. That would suck, I love having our extra space.

    Hulky stayed up all night playing some card game online. I think it's like Magic the Gathering? I've never played it, but he was into it in high school apparently. He also has a cold, so I am pretty unhappy about him not taking care of himself. He went to bed after I got up. I am probably going to try and wake him soon so he can go to bed early tonight. I don't know how else he's going to get back on a regular sleep schedule for classes next week. If he's alive enough later, we need to review what books need to be ordered for his classes. Goodbye, Amazon gift cards.

    Finances: I get three paychecks this month so I should be able to throw extra money into savings. Thank goodness. I think we'll be fine this month, but I'm still really anxious about how things will be once Hulky graduates. I think I'm going to review our bookcases & books to see if there are any I can sell on Amazon for a meager profit. Any little bit helps. I can't think of anything else we could sell. My shoes, the ones I rarely/never wear, are not nice enough/worth enough. Too bad I can't sell my mom's clothes, she has tons. Neither of us has the time/energy/strength to spare for local shoveling services.

    In other news, I REALLY need to be studying more for my CompTIA A+ certification. I haven't made it through the study guide yet. I submitted the request form for approval, not supposed to buy the exam vouchers until it has been approved. I'll check in with my manager at the end of the week if I haven't heard anything by then.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  4. #5874
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    Are you still trying to do the SCD? I have been looking at it for a possible aid to my gut issues. I might give the 30 day trial a go and see what happens. I just don't want to fork out the money for another book.........
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  5. #5875
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    No, I'm just winging it at this point. Things I found useful about SCD: information about digestive enzymes & HCL, introducing me to the world of squash, the beauty of simple chicken soups.

    I found that the SCDlifestyle.com site had plenty of useful info, as well as some free introductory material if you sign up for the email mailing list. That's how I got the basic chicken soup recipe, when you cook it all together with a whole chicken, then remove all the veggies & the chicken, blend the broth with the carrots only (discarding any other veggies you may have used for flavor), shred up the chicken and put it back in (no skin). Eventually, I added back the onions & celery with no issues. This was the easiest lunch on my gut I have put together yet, but adding pureed squash to this was even better.

    I am focusing on my individual needs & problems to put together a diet that works for me rather than trying to fit myself to a particular diet. Nothing wrong with experimenting, I just think it's important to give it a good attempt & analyze all the parts before giving up on it.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  6. #5876
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    I very nearly only ate starches for dinner last night. I cooked up a bunch of potatoes (oven fries, came out very floppy but good anyway), which Hulky and I split. Then I cooked up some rice and ate a bowl mixed with butter, some goat milk, and maple syrup. Then we made eggs & sausage. For once, at the end of the day, I felt full. Note to self: more starches.

    I woke up this morning feeling nauseous. Who knows why?! I very nearly called in sick because I am still quite tired as well (but slept well last night thank goodness), but I remembered something I needed to do at work and I didn't want to tell my therapist I'd played hookie. I just had juice w/ my supplements. I'll have my hot cocoa w/ collagen hydrosylate soon. My appointment is at noon.

    I don't have much to say today.

    I want to find a solution for my perpetually dry skin.

    I should start using the neti pot again (the nasal spray needs to be used more frequently, I am getting nose bleeds).

    Hulky's books are going to be expensive. Apparently rentals via Amazon cannot be paid for by gift card, so I'm hoping we can find used books that are not too pricey so he can re-sell at the end of the semester. He got a book stipend from the VA and I hope to use as little of it as possible.

    We have two weddings on the books for this year. One on my alive-a-versary on June 1st, which seems like a great way to celebrate 10 yrs still alive. The other is the day before our 1-year wedding anniversary. My sister had said she wants to get married this year in August, but her fiancÚ is out of work again so I'm guessing not unless they do something very friend-sourced and/or small.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  7. #5877
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    I'm thinking about getting a credit card with some reward features and only using it for groceries & utilities. Hulky is looking into whether his credit card (forget what card it is, maybe a Capital One?) or our debit card with the credit union would be okay to use overseas, with no foreign transaction fees. Feels safer to use a card that can probably protect us from fraud rather than carry around a lot of cash that could be stolen. Plus I don't know how British money works .

    I want to find a card with no annual fee, a decent sign-on bonus (like $100 if you spend $500 in the first three months), and good customer service. I would pay the balance weekly and don't feel like I've be tempted to use it when I don't have money.

    It's a little tempting to get one that has perks like an Amazon credit card, because then I could buy *stuff* whereas the cash back would go towards what I'm buying in the first place: groceries and utilities. It's also tempting to get one with travel rewards, but I think having a little extra money, however small, would be better for us right now. We love travelling and it'd be great to be able to use those points, but the cash is more important right now.

    Nameless Wonders: Idle thoughts: plans for 2014
    I'm also planning on not buying any new clothes this year, except for socks, underwear, and a bathing suit, unless it is from a thrift store.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
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  8. #5878
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    I wanted to share some thoughts from my therapy session today. I left feeling very good.

    Naiadknight has written here on MDA and on her blog about her journeys in recovery from... I guess, knee-jerk emotional responses? What my therapist talked about today that made sense to me for the first time is learning to sit with uncomfortable responses (within oneself) so you can deal with the actual problems. If I talk about something and get upset, she asks me to identify how I feel in my body. I find this very difficult because in some ways, I stop feeling different in my body once I focus on it. It also makes me uncomfortable to focus on my body in that way, though I haven't yet identified why. Today's feelings were from Hulky's future employment, the possibility of us moving to a job his friend can provide, and working on my resume. My chest felt heavy, limbs felt paralyzed (but not tense), and throat felt tight, like I was going to cry. As soon as I became aware of those things, I felt like it was easier to breathe and easier to talk about my worries.

    I immediately realized a lot of positive things to see in my concerns about the future (specifically this year and surrounding Hulky finding work). I'm still really scared of what may come, but I see a lot of potential for adventure in it. I feel less afraid about updating my resume, because there's really nothing scary about having it ready!

    Sadly, my realizations also come at the cost of some sacrifice. In order to have money for car repairs, rent (including potentially cover Hulky's portion for some of the summer), and emergencies, I can't get any more tattoos this year. I had been planning to start another next month and even scheduled a consultation & first appointment. I don't know how much it would cost yet, but I don't think I can spare the money. This may seem trivial, but tattoos are a very personal gift to myself and I am sad at the prospect of having to put this off yet again. I'll talk to Hulky about his predictions for money savings for the rest of the school year, maybe I can still squeeze it in, but probably not.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  9. #5879
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    Perhaps you could turn around those feelings - of being a personal sacrifice - to being a personal gift to the stability and comfort of your immediate future? If you can see foregoing the tattoo's as a gift that you are giving to your marriage it may feel much better than a sacrifice.

    Just wondering if altering your perception would make a difference for you.
    Read post #2626
    my motivation

    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  10. #5880
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    Maybe. Definitely something to think about. Thanks, Tomi.
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

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