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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change?

  1. #5791
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  2. #5792
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    Hope your new (relative in law x2 combo?) has a safe tour. Have a drink for me when 2014 comes your way (#at workkkk)....

  3. #5793
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    Safe travels and duty to your future brother-in-law. Deployments make me sad. But the good news is that the "war" is technically over so supposedly it's "safer" over there - if you can ever really truly be safe as a US Soldier in insurgent territory.

    Have fun tonight and be safe!
    Primal since March 5, 2012
    SW: 221 | CW: 204 | LPW: 166 | UGW: 140 (80 lbs loss)




  4. #5794
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I don't have a problem with people arguing and/or arguing in general. I think it's a healthy past time for people who enjoy it.

    I think people who equate arguing with frustration or anger are probably less comfortable with it, and those who think that one or the other party is hurt or offended in the process might be uncomfortable with those folks going to it, but honestly, it's a lot of fun.
    Ahh. I learned something from the trainwreck thread in O&E. I do not like debate/argument because I can only equate it with anger. Even if someone is only frustrated, my heart rate jumps and my anxiety kicks in because I think they are getting angry. It is strange/interesting to me that I feel this way despite having no history of abuse. I guess my dad getting angry over what seemed (to me) like trivial things was enough to instill that response in me. I find it very difficult to believe that people can debate/argue without getting heated.
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  5. #5795
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    I grew up in an all female home........... my dad died in a car accident while I was still cooking in my mothers tummy (3 month pg). So.......... male emotions were a complete mystery to me. My Grandad was really the only man I had a relationship with - and his anger lasted about 5 seconds and always ended in a tickle or a joke! I was well into my adult years before I understood the male anger response and wasn't afraid of it. If my ex would show any sign of being angry with me I would instantly cower and become the meek submissive mouse that I thought I should be.

    Still, at 53, male aggressiveness or angry makes me uneasy - but I am able to deal with it - and even stand up to it if necessary.

    I'm not sure if that story really relates to what you were talking about concerning the thread in O&E - but I thought I'd throw it out there.

  6. #5796
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    It's just confrontation in general that screws me up. I mean, from men, it's definitely a stronger response. I tend to care less if I upset a woman than a man. I just don't understand where this stems from in me. It's completely involuntary and my only way out of it at this point is to try and realize that I am freaking out and remove myself form the situation.
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  7. #5797
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    That (NW's) responce is mine as well. I'm a social coward in real life. On the internet I can take part in a healthy debate so long as it stays so, though once one side divolves into I/you I'm out. But in the real world it's a non question. I have really no idea where it came from either. There's no abuse, laking of social/gender role models, or anything really in my family. I had some bad boyfriends who definitly enouraged that fault, but they didn't start it. I honestly think I'm worse in the real world because getting out is often not an option, whether because you're seen as weak, dumb, (god forbid) wrong, or people holding onto things and grudges, but this could be me making anxiety where it isn't.

  8. #5798
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    Oh man can I relate to this. I grew up in a household where Mom and Dad simply didn't speak to one another for WEEKS. I was the only one still at home (brothers 14 & 16 years older than me) so I never witnessed a healthy exchange of opinions/disagreements. They would literally use me as a go between, "tell your mother....... oh ya well tell your father......." Confrontation of any sort, internet or otherwise makes me completely unravel. My stomach is in knots right now just thinking about all that sh*t from years ago.

    On a brighter note, hope everyone has a great NYE and a happy, healthy 2014.
    Last edited by Clarkie; 12-31-2013 at 12:18 PM. Reason: to add New Year's wishes

  9. #5799
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    My mom never spoke up when my dad was scolding me. She never doled out punishments as far as I remember. Maybe I am subconsciously emulating her. When I get mad, I see exactly how its like my dad's temper. My family is not good at communication, very passive (and sometimes passive aggressive). Hulky's family is the exact opposite, which is more welcome to me though still very discomforting.

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  10. #5800
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    Isn't it interesting how we are molded by what we experience/see as children? I am a middle aged woman but can literally feel that knot of anxiety in my stomach just remembering what went on between my parents when I was a little kid. When my own kids starting fighting I was so freaked out because I had never witnessed anything like it. My DH is the oldest of 5 boys so he was completely oblivious to it. He said as long as nobody is bleeding just let them work it out!

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