Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 58

[drssgchic]

You're here- I can't wait to see the mermaid hair!

I had a boyfriend in college that was maybe an inch taller than me, but he was slight. Strong- but even if he could out wrestle me, I just couldn't get over that he'd never out weigh me. I like feeling girl-sized, and since I'm not delicate, that needs a pretty decent sized guy.

It is about being surrounded when you're being hugged. That's what I liked so much about Dave. He really hugged me. And he was big enough that he was surrounding me instead of the other way around. This was particularly highlighted- because at the time he announced he was a hugger and I was just going to have to deal with it (I'm a New England-type. Hug- le horreur!) I also met a friend's girlfriend who gives air hugs (she's getting better). If you're going to be in my space then at least make it worth it . . .

With the food- single-serve tupperware is a lifesaver. Right now, I cook on the weekend and shove it in the freezer, but in the summer I do the veggies in several prepped containers then the meat/dressing in a matching one for each so they don't get soggy.

[namelesswonder]

Welp, it's done. I have a Facebook page for my business. I'm pretty nervous. It will be sad if nobody wants my services!



My hair was growing out from the pink I had and I used a color called "Fishbowl blue" which is a kind of teal/turquoise color. It came out in several different colors because I'd previously put blue and purple streaks over the pink (at different time), plus my roots were unbleached. It only lasted a week at most, but it was awesome!

Then I went blond and didn't wait long enough for the color to fade from my roots so it was a bit green. No pictures of that! Maybe next page I'll show older pictures, like of my crappy little baby mohawk.

[ottercat]

that's a super-cool ombre effect! can't wait to see the mowhawk =)

[drssgchic]

That is awesome! I'm familiar with the blue to green. When I dyed my hair back to brown after the blue was starting to go green, I had to dye it twice. After the first time I looked mossy instead of like algae.

I'm sure you'll have clients- I know I'm not the only person in the world that is hopeless with computers! (I recently realized that part of my thing for computer guys is that it is something I can't do, and probably won't ever be able to do. That, and I like nerds.)

[namelesswonder]

Nerds and geeks and dorks... mmmm... So smart. So cute. All of my friends are nerdy/dorky/geeky. My university was kind of known for social rejects/people who have undiagnosed Asperger's (long standing joke amongst my friends). Is it strange that I am probably the most well-adjusted of the bunch? Even they admit to it!

Let's see, lots of thoughts and little brain powder.

Sleep: Shite. Absolute shite. Boyfriend hasn't been sleeping well lately whereas I've been konking out just fine. Last night though, neither of us could sleep. I kept thinking he was asleep and then he'd suddenly start talking. His new percocet (more oxycodone, less acetaminophen) is fuuuuun. The 5-HTP hit and left me feeling more queasy and discombobulated (I almost fell walking to the bathroom), but didn't knock me out like it used to. I think I am going to decrease the dose (and increase if that doesn't work) and start taking nightly magnesium again. Magnesium came up fine in my bloodwork, but I had cramp-like feelings in my legs last night, much like those described by people with RLS. I haven't had that happen to me in quite some time.

BTW I told boyfriend about my weird baby dream and he came to the same conclusion as I did before I even finished: we're not ready. I told him it was really relieving to know that no matter what, he'd be there. He even said that he wouldn't let it go to adoption and that he would take it if I chose to have it but not keep it. That makes me feel better even though I'd never let him try to go it alone. Overall, it just makes me a lot less concerned about what we'd do in the event of an accident.

Body: I got a terrible headache after my square of dark chocolate last night. I can't have chocolate as part of the modified Whole30 in January so it'll be easy to rule that out as a potential problem. I also had terrible gas, so bad that I felt nauseous because of the pain. I'm assuming that's what the lower abdominal pain was about anyway. We had green beans with dinner and I think they may have been a catalyst for gas before, so those might not be a "safe" legume for me after all. Oh, body, I just don't know how to treat you!

I am concerned about my finer motor skills. Well, it's not my fingers, really, but I haven't been able to hold things lately. I keep dropping my keys because I just don't close my hand all the way, as though I forgot partway through the action. I keep dropping forks. I can't catch anything small (like forks). It's a little concerning, but getting back on track with food will allow me to analyze the issue with less variables. I think I'm probably just not sleeping restfully. I still haven't gotten around to taking an epsom salt bath and I still really want to!

Food: I felt like I ate too much yesterday with three meals, but my stomach is smaller (I guess I was bloated!). This morning boyfriend made absolutely amazing and totally not primal cinnamon pumpkin pancakes. So much sugar. I think I'll be fine without lunch today! I was too uncomfortable last night and too tired this morning to make anything. Dinner tonight will be almond flour crusted chicken breast and some veggies. I don't blame boyfriend for this morning's cheat, I was totally on board with it. I am kind of sad that we now have regular flour in the house though. I considered having him use almond flour, but I didn't want to make him deviate from the recipe when he's not used to following them. He's been dreaming of going to culinary school, but I think he needs to cook a bit more and more creatively first to see if he really likes it. I don't mind if I get bloated from breakfast, it was worth it to get to sit down and have breakfast with boyfriend.

Brain: Focus is okay as long as I keep to myself or am typing, but I can't speak to people without long pauses during which I wonder where my brain went. It's alllllll about the sleep problems, I know it.

Hair: I'm going to play it by ear, but since Saturday will be one week from regular shampooing, I'll probably wait until at least then before I consider a "normal" wash. My hair has very suddenly started to shed more color, which I'm happy about. It could be from the few shampooings, I think that's most likely the cause anyway. Some of the highlights underneath are very suddenly nearly blond (or white-ish, since the blue cancels out the orange tinge they had before; really cool!) when they were very blue/teal a couple of weeks ago. At this rate, with semi-regular shampooings, I think my hair might be ready for bleaching by the end of January. I might go to a cheap salon for it, I'm too worried about missing pieces. I am still shedding a lot, but my hair doesn't seem to be thinning.

Boyfriend and I had some really nice sleepy conversations last night while we both couldn't sleep. I'll tell y'all about it when there's something to tell

[drssgchic]

I'm not gonna lie, one of the things I liked about my dance partner was that he made me look socially well-adjusted. Although I like to think that I had a good influence on him. He opened doors for me by the time I moved. He's an IT guy- total geek/nerd. We met over fantasy novels.

It is really cool that he's so ready to step up should the need arise. I think you two are on the right track with "not yet," but it's still good to know . . .

How's your protein? I think you said you were going to limit it some? I know when I was eating a lot of pasta instead of meat, I would realize I hadn't had meat in a couple of days. Once I had some, my brain and motor control would always improve.

The hair montage on your blog is pretty cool. You've had a lot of different looks!

[namelesswonder]

Yesterday I had plenty of meat, a good portion in each meal. Today I haven't eaten much of anything (just the crazy sugar attack this morning). Boyfriend is in a lot of pain and I am tired of cooking so I might end up taking us to Burger King... Protein is never something I neglect. I've actually been having a lot of red meat lately, more than usual.

Crrazzzzzy headaches continue.

[namelesswonder]

It's really pathetic how much sugar the office shares. It didn't occur to me until recently that those gripes around MDA about fatty co-workers and "Mmmm gotta fill up before my diet" comments are very common in my office as well. A con of office-life I guess. The pros recently would be the wine I got from my supervisor and the bonus I'm getting (wonder when I'll get it? never gotten a bonus before). Unfortunately that bonus is going straight to loans and is very small in the grand scheme of my student debt.

I feel SO much more energized when I'm moving around, but as soon as I sit, I want to curl up and sleep. My computer is not engaging. I think I will start re-reading The Mood Cure and The Primal Blueprint on the Amazon cloud service. eBooks sure are useful when you work on a computer all day.

I had another headache yesterday evening after dinner (breadcrumb crusted chicken breast [gluten-free, rice based] & a veggie mix [broc, cauliflower, carrots). Maybe it's the olive oil? I resisted the chocolate and had an apple and banana. I finally took an epsom salt bath...it was boring haha. I got out when my ankles felt too swollen and then scrubbed the tub because it was fucking dirty. I hope I can get the rest of the grime when I clean it next. Boyfriend does not understand how to clean a tub and he was the last one to do it. I need to make us a cleaner (need white vinegar)...

I did 40 squats before hopping into bed last night. It was rough, I could not do a single one more! At least it's something

We took a post-coital nap last night, I stayed in bed for about an hour and then felt very awake and motivated to make dinner (no BK, hooray!). I let boyfriend sleep for a few hours. I don't know when he ultimately came to bed after he got up around 9PM, but I crawled in around 11:30 (after scrubbing the tub) and I don't think it took me too long to sleep. I got up at 7:30 this morning! My motivation was an appointment in the office at 9:30 to swap out a keyboard. I even had breakfast this morning! Omelettes (4 eggs in bacon grease) just aren't that tasty when they aren't cooked in FRESH bacon grease. I felt queasy after and I wonder if it was from the eggs or the grease (about 1tbsp). I often get that feeling after eating bacon & eggs. Maybe I'll have eggs in butter tomorrow instead. If I feel okay, then it must be the grease Bacon is a sometimes food.

I haven't had eggs on their own for a while. I guess there's no point in evaluating how I feel after eating them since I haven't abstained from egg/whey traces entirely. January will tell all, I suppose. I did feel pretty perky this morning up until sitting down for a while.

My congestion is there. Not bad, not any less than it usually is. The bath last night seemed to loosen things up a bit, but any progress was undone in the night. I meant to use the neti pot this morning, but didn't get around to it. Blargh.

Lunch today is choosings from my office's holiday lunch. They said there will be turkey, so I expect I'll find some turkey, veggies, and hopefully something mashed. Dinner will be nitrate-free sausages, peppers & onions.

Brain: Focus and mood are good today. Boyfriend got drunk last night (trying not to use his pain pills up too fast and his shoulder is really hurting, won't know till sometime in January if he needs surgery or not) and he always get very truthful and can't keep secrets... He let slip something to make me very happy about his plans for next week. GODS I AM SO HAPPY I CAN'T KEEP SECRETS EITHER. There is a sparkly ring in my future. Anyway that's probably a big reason for why I'm so damn happy.

Motivation: SO NOT THERE. I need to finish two Christmas presents and I keep thinking "eh I'll just do it Saturday". NO. I need to do at least one of them TONIGHT because it involves embroidery and it's my dad's present and I need to work with him on another part of my mom's gift Saturday so there won't be time! Rah! I don't even know if I can do that present because I might not be able to take the useless old Macbook from work to use for parts

[namelesswonder]

Office holiday lunch is gonna make me puke and die but ITS SO GOOD. My tummy is all "carbs? what are ye?" as I devour at least 4 cups of mashed squash and potatoes. Om. nom. nom.

die.

[Jenny]

Love your various crazy hair colors. I should've done more with hair dye in college when my hair was shorter!

I also really love your haircut in your user icon, BTW. Very Motoko Kusanagi (especially in combo with the teal/purple hair.) http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-di3wdeBSoD...ll+-+Cover.png

Office sugar culture -- Yeah, that's a major issue here too. There is actually a special table they've _labeled_ the "Carb Corner".

P.S.: no puking and dying please. It would be so tragic for you to just keel over from squashtatoverdose just as I finally get off my butt to come visit your thread here. I would be poring over the archives, eating broccoli, weeping openly during pushups, etc.