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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 577

  1. #5761
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    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    I struggle with rewards. I am never sure what would be fitting. I definitely tend towards punishment and never reward, when it comes to myself. Something to think on. Thanks!
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  2. #5762
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    Card on the way.

  3. #5763
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    Thanks, P.

    Baba asked me to pick up a gift on her behalf for Hulky. I asked him what he wanted and he said “Wooden spoons!” I got him some wooden utensils & two springform pans. I am sure he will find a reason to use them . Baba has 2’ of snow up in Maine! Depending how she feels & the forecast will determine whether or not my parents can go pick her up to bring her down for Christmas. I hope she can make it so I can give her the wedding photo book in person.

    I am super sneezy today. No idea why.

    I did a bunch of grocery shopping last night & we have almost everything we need in order to make holiday cookies. This weekend, we’ll have to go out to look for cookie tins & wrapping paper. I have a ton of brown paper (saved from packages I’ve received in the past few years), but I kind of wanted to wrap things nicely this year. Maybe I’ll just get some ribbon instead. I also bought myself some gluten-free flours (almond, coconut, and arrowroot) so I can make gluten-free gingerbread cookies! I was lamenting being unable to eat any of our creations, so I decided to make some me-friendly ones. Hulky said, “But we’re giving them all away!” Meh, I wanted some. We still need to go out for whatever we want to make for Christmas dinner (turkey & fixings), cocoa powder (ran out and need it for Saturday’s movie-watching with friends), and more wheat flour (Trader Joe’s was out last night).

    I woke up feeling very anxious this morning. I washed some dishes, fed the cat, took supplements, made some scrambled eggs, took more supplements, put a lunch together, got dressed, and got to work on time. I am worried about Hulky not spending time yet working on his resume. He needs to be sending out job applications throughout the next semester. If he can’t find work to start right after graduating… We need all the savings we can keep. I feel guilty for the honeymoon now. I want to tell him what I am worried about, but I don’t know how to say it yet. I don’t want to be accusatory. I am reading more of the “Getting the Love You Want” book and finally got to the part where you start to practice things. Maybe I will find a way in there. I am feeling kind of jealous that Hulky gets to sit on his ass all day while I am at work and planning out all of this stuff for us/the apartment. Makes me feel really lonely in the relationship. I did manage to tell him last night that I feel really lonely when he's playing video games in the evening when he's had the chance to do that all day while I was out. He took it well and I think we are going to start baking together tonight (and hopefully cut his hair).

    I am behind on my exercise attempts. Hoping I can squeeze in a yoga session this weekend.
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  4. #5764
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    It's good you are working on ways to tell him re: feeling lonely while he plays video games and you're working and planning things. Even though it's so awkward and uncomfortable. I had the hardest time doing that and the resentment that can build up really creates some nasty walls. That's my biggest promise to myself if/when I start dating again, to stop just being quiet and letting things slide.

  5. #5765
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    Yeah, I just don't want to break the silence with the wrong words.
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  6. #5766
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Yeah, I just don't want to break the silence with the wrong words.
    That's a rough situation nameless That said, as empathetic and smart as you are I am sure you will come up with the right words in time, and Hulky seems reasonable, which is more than many dudes it seems.

  7. #5767
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    Today ended up being kind of a car day. In the morning, I got wrapping paper & tins for cookies, as well as more clementines for cocoa powder (add a pit stop to my parents' house for some breakfast & chatting). In the afternoon, I moved the Mustang to a flatter spot in the driveway (had to do some shoveling first, then a lot of back & forth, finally Hulky came out to direct me JUST as I got it right) to drain the radiator. We drained the radiator, flushed it, and put in the right mixture of antifreeze. We ran it for a bit in the midst of all that (part of the process) and discovered a mystery oil leak, but could not find the origin. Of course, when Hulky's dad came over later, it didn't seem to be leaking. Fingers crossed it was a one-time thing. After pancakes (chocolate chip with orange zest YUM), we went out to AutoZone for new wiper blades & de-icer for the Civic. Yay, no more using snow to clean the windshield off between trips. Hulky stopped by an Italian deli & got himself a jumbo steak bomb.

    To add to the fun, various things keep blowing out on the Mustang so you have to crawl in through the trunk. Being a hatchback and the back seat being disassembled, this isn't so bad, but it's still a hassle. Also, because of the door popping system, remember to open your door before shutting off the car or you won't be able to get out. There are some electrical things that need help, obviously. The brake pedal is kind of squishy, sounds to me like the hydraulic goes for a while before you actually get the brakes to engage. Hulky says there's probably a hole in the brake lines. Joy of joys. Fucking hate project cars, but at least this fucker is cheap.

    Now I am waiting for my pizza dough to finish resting so I can make gluten-free pepperoni pizza on the pizza stone .

    Then friends will be over! Yay!
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  8. #5768
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    I guess I've been doing this potato starch thing for about a week. Time to increase the dose. From 1 tsp 2x dialy to 1.5 tsp in AM and 1 tsp in PM? Or 1.5 tsp AM & PM? I will ask the RS thread.
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  9. #5769
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    Ze party thing was nice. No drama. Too many dishes to clean up . I hate when nobody stays the night haha!

    We have an apartment warming party to go to later today. I am very anxious about it. I haven't seen this person in many years, haven't spoken to him really in over 9. But he paid for our honeymoon. I'm going to go get some toys for his cat at the pet store soon. I hope the whole thing is not as awkward as I am fearing and that we don't have to stay for long.
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  10. #5770
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    I know, I'm supposed to be on vacation from MDA this week, but it's tough when I'm at work with nothing to do. I'm counting down the seconds until 4PM when I can get out of here. Then I have an unpleasant conversation waiting for me at home. I am feeling really down today.

    The party at the honeymoon-funder's house last night was fun. Everyone was plenty nerdy so there was lots to talk about. It was nice to catch up with the host and I hope we can have him over for dinner sometime.

    Too much drinking this weekend. I think that is probably a large part of my sour mood today.

    Tonight: Christmas dinner shopping (yeah, I'm taking over the holiday prep from now on, Hulky makes too many excuses & puts it off till the last second). Tomorrow: cookie baking & applesauce making. Wednesday: nibbles & gifts at my parents' house (will have to drag Hulky out of bed to accompany for a short while), then gifts @ his parents' house, and then hopefully a whole lot of vegging.
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