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Thread: Anxiety, depression, laziness...Can the nameless wonder change? page 576

  1. #5751
    namelesswonder's Avatar
    namelesswonder is offline Senior Member
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    I think I'll find a happy medium of hanging with certain people together and it will be fine. I just need to make my boundaries clear to my friends. Hulky is happy to help enforce them, too. He has no qualms about literally giving someone the boot. This is a rather close knit group of college friends (mine, which became Hulky's). All pretty nerdy and each with their own variety of social awkwardness. It makes for an interesting dynamic at times.

    But it is nice to see some of them grow from situations like this. One friend is being an amazing neutral party for the people who are actually in conflict. I've never seen him act so responsibly. I got a nice email from one of them, that doesn't have time to hang out with the group that much, this morning. I think I'd like to hang with him soon, without a bunch of people, to go thrift shopping or something. He is going through some rough stuff right now on top of the group drama.
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    That sucks about the group drama. I never had 1 large social group until recently (usually I am friends with one person each from 10 groups), but I definitely can relate to being stuck in the middle when friends with 2 different people on different sides.

    Hope you pull through this party without too much ruckus.
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  3. #5753
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    I am hoping to calm everyone with copious spiked hot chocolate . I need to get some more cocoa powder if I'm going to make it from scratch.
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  4. #5754
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    Hey, could you PM me your address again? I think I deleted the message.

  5. #5755
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    I have not seen Love Actually, so I will refrain from reading the review, in case the day comes that I watch it. I don't want the review to ruin it.

    Kudos to you for confronting the upstairs tenents about the car. As stressful as it was, I think you helped yourself more than you understand.
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  6. #5756
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    I will chime in on the Pat Yourself on the Back, Tasha! It takes confidence to approach people about stuff that could be a potential conflict. You handled yourself with poise and maturity! Nice going! Perhaps it would be a good idea to suggest to coach a sign indicating the "driveway is for tenants only and all unauthorized cars will be subject to tow without the owners notification". It could stop any further issues.

    I hope you get the girlie issues fixed soon........ and also, good job on planting the bug for the treatment plan. Sometimes I think Doctors are men in general........... if you want them to do something - make them think its their idea! (apologies to any men or doctors reading this post)

    That is also a good strategy in your marriage. NOT to be manipulative - but I have been married a very long time (albeit, to two different men) and I have talked to MANY other wives about this subject. If you want your husband to handle a situation in the way you feel is best........... just mention it to him in moderate detail, and then let it rest. I would wager to say 80% of the time, within 2 weeks, he will come to you with the exact same thought or idea and believe it is totally his own! You can say "I said that 2 weeks ago" .......... he won't remember you saying it. But if he does - brownie points are in order! Men............. they are adorable - and quite predictable!

    I hope that doesn't sound condescending to men........... I don't mean it to - I LOVE men! But, the reality is about 1/2 their listening happens with their subconscious brain. They aren't dual brained as women are, so if they are engaged in any type of task or even watching TV -- they are unable to also listen to their wives. To further expand on this topic........ science has proven that the tone of a womans voice is such that if a man is concentrating on something (say a tv show or the newspaper) he is physically unable to HEAR her unless he changes his focus and listens strictly to her voice. Try it with Hulky sometime when he is playing a game on the computer. Start talking to him about something - then throw in a total ridiculous statement - chances are he won't even catch it - cuz he can't play his game and completely listen to you at the same time. I find it very amusing - and will do this to hubby when I'm feeling playful and silly. Then I start laughing and he will say "what are you yabbering about now?" In reality he hasn't "heard" a word I said.

    Sorry - my Psychology background coming through............
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  7. #5757
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomi View Post
    But, the reality is about 1/2 their listening happens with their subconscious brain. They aren't dual brained as women are, so if they are engaged in any type of task or even watching TV -- they are unable to also listen to their wives. To further expand on this topic........ science has proven that the tone of a womans voice is such that if a man is concentrating on something (say a tv show or the newspaper) he is physically unable to HEAR her unless he changes his focus and listens strictly to her voice. Try it with Hulky sometime when he is playing a game on the computer. Start talking to him about something - then throw in a total ridiculous statement - chances are he won't even catch it - cuz he can't play his game and completely listen to you at the same time. I find it very amusing - and will do this to hubby when I'm feeling playful and silly. Then I start laughing and he will say "what are you yabbering about now?" In reality he hasn't "heard" a word I said.

    Sorry - my Psychology background coming through............
    So this is why my son and husband rarely hear anything Makenna or I say... Makenna will say "Daddy" 8 times without acknowledgement from Brad, so I'll have to say, loudly, "DADDY! Makenna's talking to you," and then he'll turn his head and listen. Brady does the same thing. If he's concentrating on anything at all, I have to break that concentration somehow - usually by shouting his name - to catch his attention to give my direction. It's quite ridiculous.
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  8. #5758
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    Its physiology............. they can't help it. Its the way their brains are wired. Keep that in mind - it will keep you from getting angry and feeling like you're being ignored.
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  9. #5759
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    I think it's a taught wiring and not a born trait. Hulky and I both do this though. For me, it's the Executive Functioning Disorder more than anything else. Hulky and I just had a fun conversation about this actually . He's going to use the key word "focus" when he wants to do something with video games & be undisturbed (unless I need to talk to him or am leaving the house for a bit).
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  10. #5760
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    CAnio- I love GW2. It's the only MMO I'm willing to play, with the possible exception of the Skyrim one.
    NW- You did something that would've left me chewing on my lip all day long. Given that anxiety strikes hard here, as well, I know just how hard that must've been with the neighbors. You owe yourself some kind of small treat (not necessarily food) for doing that instead of running from it. That's one thing Mentor is drilling into me: you wouldn't train a dog without positive reinforcement, why are you any less important? For every step in the right direction, I'm required to give myself some sort of positive reinforcement. TL;DR: Good job! Reward yourself for it!
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